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Np426z
  
...I headed off to Hillend dry ski slope with the babies,
intent on improving our rather rusty snowboard technique.
Instead - somehow - we ended up at IKEA, buying baby a
computer desk for his room (and stuffing our faces with
cakes in the cafeteria).

Trying to fit a flat-packed computer desk into a Golf (yes,
I've changed cars again...) complete with one adult, two
babies, three sets of snowboarding gear and mounds of smelly
running clothes (yeah, I get changed into dry stuff after a
run and chuck the soiled gear into the back of the car. Once
a week I search out the survivors, put them in the wash, and
then repeat the process. People *never* accept the offer of
a lift in my car more than once. The VW agent performs a
valet *before* the mechanics will carry out a service. I
*have* to buy a new car every year 'cause the smell gets too
bad...) proved to be quite a trial. Nevertheless, we won,
although I drove home with my neck at an angle thanks to the
back of the desk resting against my head.

Now I'm sitting surrounded by numerous pieces of wood,
screws and miscellaneous rubbish scattered all around me on
the floor. WTF did I buy this monstrosity? I'm no handyman
- in fact I'd gladly pay someone to sort the mess out, but
baby seems to have an unshakeable belief that think I can
assemble the thing and I'm loathe to disappoint him. I told
him I had to email someone to give my time to work out how
to assemble the beast. HELP ME, OH GOD OF IKEA. TELL ME
WHAT TO DO!

Adding to my woes is the fact that I think I put two cd's -
Lost Prophets 'Start Something' and Linkin Parks 'Meteora' -
on the roof of the car in IKEA's car park when I was trying
to stuff everything in the car, and drove off without
remembering. Damn and blast, it's turning into and expensive
day and it's only 1:16 pm. No doubt the goats in the field
next door are, as I type, busily plotting to ambush me and
eat my shorts after mugging me with their evil cloven
hooves. Yeah - the bastards are looking at me and smirking!

Where are the green-eyed foreign babes when you need
them the most?

Tim Downie
  
"np426z" <np426z@btinternet.com> wrote in message news:ccjeh1$dd0

> Now I'm sitting surrounded by numerous pieces of wood,
> screws and miscellaneous rubbish scattered all around me
> on the floor. WTF did I
buy
> this monstrosity? I'm no handyman - in fact I'd gladly pay
> someone to
sort
> the mess out, but baby seems to have an unshakeable belief
> that think I
can
> assemble the thing and I'm loathe to disappoint him. I
> told him I had to email someone to give my time to work
> out how to assemble the beast. HELP ME, OH GOD OF IKEA.
> TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

Oh don't be such a wuss. Flat-pack is *easy*. All except the
most retarded can do it with their eys closed. *I* can do
it. That should give you some indication of how easy it is.

Personally, I'd much rather be assembling flat-pack
furniture than languishing here with my guts turned to water
and feeling like death warmed up. I even managed to spike an
oral temperature of 39.55C (103.2) last night and I've got 3
dogs looking at me accusingly waiting for their walkies. The
only running I'm doing is to the toilet.

>
> Where are the green-eyed foreign babes when you need them
> the most?

In your dreams, as ever.;-)

Happy screwing.

Tim [who's feeling *exceedingly* fed up]

Np426z
  
"Tim Downie" <timdownie2003@obvious.yahoo.co.uk> wrote in message
news:2l5070F8pb0uU1@uni-berlin.de...

> Oh don't be such a wuss. Flat-pack is *easy*. All except
> the most
retarded
> can do it with their eys closed. *I* can do it. That
> should give you
some
> indication of how easy it is.

I've failed. Miserably. I think I need a more advanced
toolkit. Well, either that or a brain that can translate
from two to three dimensions rather more efficiently that
the one I possess.

> Personally, I'd much rather be assembling flat-pack
> furniture than languishing here with my guts turned to
> water and feeling like death
warmed
> up. I even managed to spike an oral temperature of 39.55C
> (103.2) last night and I've got 3 dogs looking at me
> accusingly waiting for their walkies. The only running I'm
> doing is to the toilet.

I thought you'd given up the drink.

> In your dreams, as ever.;-)

Yes, but they felt so real...

> Happy screwing.

Dangling
  
"np426z" <np426z@btinternet.com> wrote in message news:<cck3mu$1ps$1@titan.btinternet.com>...
> > I've failed. Miserably.

A life-long issue I'm sure...

> I think I need a more advanced toolkit.

Rest assured Roger, you are the biggest "tool" I ever
*didn't* meet.

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