A few good thoughts for 2005...

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Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you a tidy sum and a substantial tax cut saves you not very much at all?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.


And then there’s this one …

Every morning you are handed 24 golden hours. They are one of the few things in this world that you get free of charge.

If you had all the money in the world, you couldn't buy an extra hour. What will you do with this priceless treasure?

Remember, you must use it, as it is given only once. Once wasted you cannot get it back.