joke time....................................

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:)
A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift.

"Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have
to come back in six months for a follow up."

"Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I
don't want to have to come back."

The doctor thinks for a second, then offers: "There is a new procedure
where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see
wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the
skin up, and they disappear."

"That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that."

Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office.

"Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks.

"Terrible!" the lady bellows. " It's the worst mistake I've ever made.

"What's wrong?" asks the doctor.

"Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers.

"Lady," the doctor retorts, "those aren't bags, those are your breasts!!!
And if you don't leave that screw alone, you're going to have a beard!":)

good one!! :)

On that note....

This 600 pound guy decides he doesn't want to live that way anymore, so he goes to this diet clinic. It works really well - 4 months later, he's down to 160 pounds and looks great, except for one problem - all the folds of flesh where the fat used to be.

So he calls the clinic and tells the doctor about this and the doctor says, "Hey, that's no problem, we have a procedure to take care of that. Just come on in." The guy says, "You don't understand. I'm too embarrassed to go out in public like this." The doctor said, "Here's what to do. Simply pull all the flesh up as high as it will go, pile it on top of your head, then put on a top hat. Then come on in."

So the guy follows the doctor's instructions and goes to the clinic. The receptionist greets the guy and says, "The doctor will be with you in just a minute. Say, what's that hole in the middle of your forehead?"

The guy says, "That's my belly button. How do you like my tie?"

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