This Forum is not dying

[nns1400]

I just noticed that we were on page 99 (if you're cool like me and have your page set to 15)...so I am seeing if this is going to push it to 100. I suppose I could have counted...but I'm lazy.

[nns1400]

Originally Posted by nns1400

I just noticed that we were on page 99 (if you're cool like me and have your page set to 15)...so I am seeing if this is going to push it to 100. I suppose I could have counted...but I'm lazy.

Hurray for me!!! Confetti and balloons are falling from the sky! Rip Torn is running around my computer...

[nns1400]

Here is a sample of a 5th grade math problem as it is taught over the decades:

Teaching Math in 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1990

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20 Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 2000

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this w ay of making a living ? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Math In 2007

Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera para $100. El cuesto de la produccion era $80. Cuantos tortillas se puede comprar?

[Crankyfeet]

LOL. NNS


'Twas The (Politically Correct) Night Before Christmas



'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.



No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion; Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

[Crankyfeet]

jhusk postulates that all the problems of modern man have originated from the Barbie Doll. Well I found this letter from Barbie to Santa, and she seems PISSED.


Barbie's Christmas List! )


Barbie
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245



Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 23, 1996

Dear Santa:

Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had
better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and
trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998:


Santa:

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker.
How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to
cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, get it done.

6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet,
a public relations senior account exec!

8. A new, more 21st century persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun,
outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 47 years--I think I deserve it.

Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line.
If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new ***** for next Christmas.

It's that simple. Yours truly,
Barbie

[nns1400]

Originally Posted by Crankyfeet

LOL. NNS


'Twas The (Politically Correct) Night Before Christmas



."

Good one! Reindeer and pigs...

but, hey, I'm vertically challenged...

[nns1400]

Originally Posted by Crankyfeet

jhusk postulates that all the problems of modern man have originated from the Barbie Doll. Well I found this letter from Barbie to Santa, and she seems PISSED.



3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

Barbie

When I was a kid, I would sneak my brother's GI Joe out of his room to hang with Barbie. Ken was just her brother, LOL!

[Crankyfeet]

And here's one for Bro and I, the cynical twins.



A Cynic's Christmas


Christmas Is:

1. A wobbly tree stand.

2. A week of inspiration and morality on TV screens that are
filled with crime and violence the other 51.

3. Having to tear open that gift you wrapped so beautifully
because you just remembered the price tag was still on it.

4. Trying to explain to a bright four-year-old how it's possible
to pass 6 Santa Clauses in one block.

5. When you get a dozen calendars in the mail... and on January
1st, you can't find a single one.

6. When you discover some idiot put a trunk on tree decorations
you stored so carefully last year.

7. Trying to wrap a bicycle so nobody can tell what it is.

8. When you can't walk into the Living Room for all the toys,
and your kids say, "Is that ALL?"

9. Frantic last-minute shopping when a gift arrives from a
relative you forgot.

10. When, while you're looking for a salesman, somebody buys the
great tree you picked out.

11. When kids who don't believe in Santa Claus any more ask what
he's going to bring them.

12. When you're surprised with a bunch of cards from the very
same people you finally decided to cut from your Christmas
card list this year.

13. The end of two weeks of courteous smiles from tip-hungry
people who are sourpusses the rest of the year.

14. Carefully matching the price of the gift you're giving this
year to the gift you got last year.

15. When you can't find the cards you bought for half-price at
that "After The Holiday Sale" last January.

16. Giving your kids money so they can buy you a present.

17. When your wife tells you to "surprise" her... and then
complains when you buy her an outboard motor.

18. Having to watch your third child in that same old school
classic, the "Christmas Pageant".

19. When you burn all the wrappings and then discover you can't
find the 100-dollar bill you got as a present.

20. When you go to your 18th Office Christmas Party, and the Big
Boss asks you your name for the 18th time.

21. When the Grandparents bring the very same toys you swore
you'd never let your children have.

22. When you buy your dog a neat toy out of your own money, and
he won't play with it.

23. When you suddenly discover that all the cards you had
printed and all the envelopes you finally addressed are not
the same size.

[Crankyfeet]

Originally Posted by nns1400

When I was a kid, I would sneak my brother's GI Joe out of his room to hang with Barbie. Ken was just her brother, LOL!

And I've managed to dig up a letter from Ken:


Ken's Christmas List! )


Ken
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245



Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 23, 1998

Dear Santa:

I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically
asking for anatomical and career changes. In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks
were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to take
this opportunity to inform you of some issues concerning Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs
and desires.

First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie DOES NOT deserve preferential
treatment - the ***** has everything. Along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, I DO NOT have
a dream house, corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases the ability to change our hair style. I
personally have only 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great length.

My decision to accessorize my outfits with an earring was my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.

I too would like a change in my career. Have you ever considered "Decorator Ken", "Beauty Salon
Ken", or "Out Of Work Actor Ken"? In addition, there are several other avenues which could be
considered such as "S&M Ken" , "Green Lantern Ken", "Circuit Ken", "Bear Ken", "Master Ken".
These would more accurately reflect my desires and perhaps open up new markets. And as for Barbie
needing bendable arms so she can "push me away," I need bendable knees so I can kick the ***** to
the curb. Bendable knees would also be helpful for me in other situations - we've talked about this
issue before.

In closing, I would like to point out that any further concessions to the blond bimbo from hell will result
in action be taken by myself and others. And Barbie can forget about having Joe - he's mine, at least
that's what he said last night.

Sincerely, Ken

[nns1400]

Originally Posted by Crankyfeet

jhusk postulates that all the problems of modern man have originated from the Barbie Doll. Well I found this letter from Barbie to Santa, and she seems PISSED.


Barbie

Barbie just needs a night out...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p68rj879Zyg

[Crankyfeet]

As we approach our 1500th post in the FID thread, our position on the Billboard GT Forum Views Chart has moved from 22nd to 19th. This thread is rocketing up the charts!

[stevebaby]

Originally Posted by nns1400

When I was a kid, I would sneak my brother's GI Joe out of his room to hang with Barbie. Ken was just her brother, LOL!

I won't repeat what I made my sister's dolls do, but it earned me a hiding from my Dad that I have never forgotten.
With the benefit of hindsight, perhaps it wasn't a good idea to conduct a mass doll execution by hanging either.


I was a rotten kid, and age hasn't improved me.

[stevebaby]

Hanging the dolls was good practice if the US ever needs a tame dictator though...I'm obviously qualified!

[stevebaby]

So, Cranky...which part of Brisvegas are you from?

[stevebaby]

1500! Victory is mine! The interloper triumphs!


Toldja I was a rotten bastard!