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I know Lance well

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Old 03-08.-2006, 09:26 AM   #76
bananabrain
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Default Re: I know Lance well

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Jackson
Please take this movement to allow me to introduce myself.

For four years I played college football...

[etcetera]
Trolls always have the last laugh. If people stonewall ignored them they wouldn't exist. This thread is a bit different though in being the most cringeworthy I've ever read. Grasp that good book and pull yourself together man, you're embarassing everyone. Including Lance I shouldn't wonder.

Or else lay down on your sofa to take in a game of pro football with a nice bag of pretzels and do us all a favour.
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Old 03-08.-2006, 10:11 AM   #77
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Default Re: I know Lance well

Whoa, this thread BLOWS MY MIND...



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Old 03-08.-2006, 10:28 AM   #78
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Default Re: I know Lance well

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Jackson
Allow me this brief digression. The NFL is rife with performance enhancing drug abuse. I myself have many connections into this world and have used steroids to improve my athletic performance on many occasions.

Anyway, nearing the end of the ride, I told Lance, "If you need any help beating those guys in the Tour de France, just let me know. I can bring the power like Scotty. I can get anything you need," and he knew exactly what I was talking about.

Lance said, "I don't need that shit. I win without it." And then he smiled that Texas smile that says, "Don't tread on me."

I've been reading a lot in the media about Lance taking performance enhancing drugs and it really bothers me. I believe the French laboratories, the Tour de France organization and Greg LeMond are behind this attack on my friend Lance. I've decided to right the wrong where ever and whenever I can. This is just the beginning of my fight to help restore the reputation of someone who is still very dear to me.
Let me say I believe you, despite I don`t: Hilarious! You offered him drugs after he has won 2 or 3 TdFs? You assumed that he really don`t dope because he said "I don`t need that shit"? He probably ment "I don`t need your shit". What can be more naive to offer PEDs to a rider who has already won few TdFs? Why didn`t you go to kindergarten and offer them to kids?
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Old 03-08.-2006, 10:33 AM   #79
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Default Re: I know Lance well

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Jackson
Please take this movement to allow me to introduce myself.

For four years I played college football at the University of Texas and later I played seven years in the NFL. During that time I came in contact with many celebrities who were professional athletes.

In 2001, at a charity golf tournament I promoted in Austin, I had the honor of meeting Lance Armstrong. We had several in-depth and stimulating conversations at the awards banquet and after it was over I told him I'd like to go for a ride with him sometime and that I'd like to learn more about his sport. I didn't think I'd hear from him.

Later that week I got a call on my cell phone from Lance. He invited me for a ride later that afternoon. I told him that I didn't own a bike other than a K-Mart Spring Shock Cruiser to which he replied, "don't worry about that."

I packed my K-Mart Spring Shock Cruiser in the trunk of my benz and headed over to Lance's house. When I showed up, there in the driveway was a new Trek bicycle for me to ride and Nike shoes that fit. We began riding. I think Lance could have easily "dropped" me, but he didn't. He rode at my pace, which was about 14 mph. For the next two hours we chatted. Beside both being pro athletes, we had many other things in common, one of which was, we both came from broken homes with absent fathers, but we both strove to achieve our goals using every tool at our disposal. By the end of the ride there was a definite bond, a brotherhood between us.

Allow me this brief digression. The NFL is rife with performance enhancing drug abuse. I myself have many connections into this world and have used steroids to improve my athletic performance on many occasions.

Anyway, nearing the end of the ride, I told Lance, "If you need any help beating those guys in the Tour de France, just let me know. I can bring the power like Scotty. I can get anything you need," and he knew exactly what I was talking about.

Lance said, "I don't need that shit. I win without it." And then he smiled that Texas smile that says, "Don't tread on me."

I've been reading a lot in the media about Lance taking performance enhancing drugs and it really bothers me. I believe the French laboratories, the Tour de France organization and Greg LeMond are behind this attack on my friend Lance. I've decided to right the wrong where ever and whenever I can. This is just the beginning of my fight to help restore the reputation of someone who is still very dear to me.


actually, if you look at the riders who finished immediately behind Armstrong last year and notice they have been discredited (without proof in some cases) for doping, it is even more difficult to believe LA didn't dope.
actually.
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Old 03-08.-2006, 11:14 AM   #80
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Martin Jackson
No, not the same at all. In cycling there are a few riders who are clean. Some are clean but still get busted. That really bothers me. Take Tyler Hamilton's case. There is clear evidence that the test was bad and that there were more than a few possible genetic explanations for the test results, nevermind the fact that Hamilton's team was being blackmailed by a man on the phone at the airport.

I saw that man making the call. I ran after him in the airport like OJ in the Hertz advertisement, but when I tried to hurdle a suitcase I tripped and plowed into a baby stroller. It was ugly. The bad man got away. I think he might have been gay.

Hamilton was riding for USPS earlier, supporting Lance in several of his clean Tour victories. I became a close friend with Tyler. We spoke at length about our dogs and I was surprised to find out that his dog was named Tugboat. My dog at the time -- he's dead now, I backed over him with the benz -- was Norwegian, like the cruise line, so we formed a bond, a brotherhood if you will.

One day I ask Tyler, "If you need any help beating those guys at LBL just let me know. I can bring the power like Scotty." But he said, "No. It wouldn't be right. What would Tugboat think?"

Man, it got me. I really did. The man is sterling. Na, na, make that platinum.


You over did it with this post. If you had anyone with you at this stage they will be lost now.
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Old 03-08.-2006, 11:20 AM   #81
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Great trolling. Sorry I made a serious reply. I lose.
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Old 03-08.-2006, 12:04 PM   #82
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Default Re: I know Lance well

Quote:
Originally Posted by mitosis
Great trolling. Sorry I made a serious reply. I lose.

Don't worry a lot of people fell for it...even after people posted what this really is. At least you were able to admit it and laugh about it.
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Old 03-08.-2006, 12:30 PM   #83
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Default Re: I know Lance well

Quote:
Originally Posted by mitosis
Great trolling. Sorry I made a serious reply. I lose.

I am so glad that I read on before replying. Funniest thread in a long time.
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Old 03-08.-2006, 12:33 PM   #84
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Well that was a much needed moment of brilliance. Thank you Mr. Jackson. Anytime you want to hook me up like Scotty, go ahead. I am finding my Yak egg and beaver sausage omellettes are no longer bringing the jazz.

LIC IT IB! \m/ \m/
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Old 03-08.-2006, 12:53 PM   #85
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Default Re: I know Lance well

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Originally Posted by patch70
I am so glad that I read on before replying. Funniest thread in a long time.
Thanks for lightening up the atmosphere. Really entertaining thread!
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Old 03-08.-2006, 09:54 PM   #86
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Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Peter McFerguson (not my real name) and I am a pro-bare knuckle fighter from the Scottish Highland Games circuit. I had the privilege of meeting David Millar (real name, now of Saunier Duval Prodir) at a dinner back in 2001. I said to David here's my number, let's have sex and then go on a bike ride. Of course I never thought he'd call but he did and over to his penthouse I crawled, where waiting for me was a brand new Colnago, top hat and tails in my exact size. We went on a ride during which David blew me off...his wheel and I offered him some of the crazy drugs that have helped me kick ass on the Highland Games circuit. David just smiled and said, hey man I can't beat those guys without EPO or any shit like that.

So there you have it, don't you ever doubt David Millar, he's as clean as the portaloo at the Inverness Show Ground.

Disclaimer: please note none of this ever happened.
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Old 03-08.-2006, 10:05 PM   #87
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Thanks for disclaimer.
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Old 04-08.-2006, 02:20 AM   #88
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From The Unknown Tour De France by Les Woodland, speaking of the climb up Alpe d'Huez: "In 1992 the american Andy Hampsten climbed at record speed for the best win of his life and then in 1998 Marco Pantani trimmed his time even more. To put that ride into perspective, it took the American Lance Armstrong - the race leader - four and a half minutes longer to do it the following year."

I think the year was 1997 for Pantani, not sure if they did that climb in 98 when he was caught cheating...can anyone verify.

Having seen armstrong put it to Pantani in the climbs the following years(when he was passing hundreds of tests), I not so sure that Armstrong was doping in 1999 since he was so much slower than an "enhanced" Pantani.

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Old 04-08.-2006, 02:35 AM   #89
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Quote:
Originally Posted by youngda9

I think the year was 1997 for Pantani, not sure if they did that climb in 98 when he was caught cheating...can anyone verify.


unless my memory is catching up with my age, i think pantani won the giro and the tour in '98. he tested + (high crit %, to be more exact) a year or two later in the giro and got kicked.

anyhow, i was great friends with il pirata, and I know for a fact that he never took any PEDs. The cocaine was injected into him by a jealous rival, while he was asleep, and he had a natural crit level of 99%. I know this is a fact because I spent every single minute with him for eight years straight. (Look at the pictures of the '98 Giro and you'll see me running alongside or in the team car.)
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Old 04-08.-2006, 02:52 AM   #90
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ishiwata
unless my memory is catching up with my age, i think pantani won the giro and the tour in '98. he tested + (high crit %, to be more exact) a year or two later in the giro and got kicked.

anyhow, i was great friends with il pirata, and I know for a fact that he never took any PEDs. The cocaine was injected into him by a jealous rival, while he was asleep, and he had a natural crit level of 99%. I know this is a fact because I spent every single minute with him for eight years straight. (Look at the pictures of the '98 Giro and you'll see me running alongside or in the team car.)


I was in Andy Hampsten's saddle bag the day he won on the Alpe and I know for a fact he ate a haggis half way up the climb (just after Dutch Corner) and that is why he won. The UCI have never refined their haggis test, maybe they should.

I have ridden Alpe D 5 times (true) and never eaten haggis (untrue).
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