Cyclingforums.com: Best All-time Quotes/Posts/Threads

Crankyfeet

No worries TFF... it could be a never ending story... who knows? Hope your in-file recedes...

Your input and imagination you bring to the story are really valuable. I really farked up with that hot tub ripple misunderstanding as I was alluding to the Spielberg/Jurassic Park ripple in a glass effect... so that's where the misunderstanding stemmed from.

I knew who Jeff Vader was from the start... my posts about him being dumb were placed in an attempt to throw paceline lurkers off the trail...

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Originally posted by Frigo's Luggage...

"[Calling him] 'dickcheese' is the insult of a master. Some people work in oil, some people work in clay. He [thoughtforfood] works in profanity. Open your mind and enjoy its beauty."

nns1400

Yeah...it's basketball season, for Pete's sake...

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Why not go out on a limb? That's where the fruit is. Mark Twain

Crankyfeet

Vicious Invasion of the Trolls - Act 3

The football team at Paceline High have always been good but this year they’re especially good. Brian Eldrick is easily the best wide receiver in the County and quarterback Nate Dresden is probably the best as well. Mark Jenson has been piling on the yards as a running back. Practice for the team (and the cheerleaders nearby) has finished and the guys are talking.

“Brian, have you got those joints?” asks Nate

“Yeah…you think we should ask them”

“Are you serious?” Nate gestures rhetorically, “This is it man, I’ve been staring at Tanya all practice"

“Okay, we should get Mark and Will … I know a spot where it will be real private, like” Brian grins

Nate finishes “I’m going to go over and ask the girls… you round up the guys”

Brian gets the other two guys as Nate returns…”Well amigos… the maestro has herded the chicks… we are ready for take-off”.

“Alrighhhhht... Dude!!…” Mark infuses with a smile.

Nate instructs “Just start throwing the ball around and we'll gradually cruise over to the gate on the far side. The girls should be waiting for us”.

The guys begin their jaunt to the far side of the field where a group of four cheergirls are waiting by the gate.

Nate, approaching the girls, speaks first “Hey…Cool… Brian’s got the weed… let’s find some space”

The girls are smiling and fall into line with the guys as they walk through the far gate and onto a trail leading into the woods next to the field.

One of the girls, Bronwyn, asks “Do you think anyone is going to notice we are gone?”

Nate replies “Nahh… they’ll just think we’ve driven home”

The trail became more overgrown in the twilight of late afternoon. Jolene quipped somewhat nervously, “Hey I hope you know where you’re going guys, cause this doesn’t look like people have been here a lot”

Brian answers “Don’t worry Joley… I came in here after practice last week… there’s a perfect spot up ahead”.

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Originally posted by Frigo's Luggage...

"[Calling him] 'dickcheese' is the insult of a master. Some people work in oil, some people work in clay. He [thoughtforfood] works in profanity. Open your mind and enjoy its beauty."

Crankyfeet

Chapter 4


Sheriff Brickland and Deputy Jackson are speeding towards the McAussie farm, siren blazing, as the police radio starts to crackle.

"Sheriff Brickland... this is Swanson... Do you copy? Over."

"This is Brickland... Go ahead Swanson... Over"

"Sir we've got an ID on the boy that was killed today... The Coroner has been able to identify him as Rollo Forchesi, Sir... an 18 year old cook. We have also found what seems to be the murder weapon which matches the victims neck injuries, Sir. It appears that his head was severed from his neck using... a cafeteria tray, Sir. Over"

"What... are you kidding me?... How the heck can you have your head cut off by a cafeteria tray" Brickland queries in astonishment.

"Well Sir, if you use the thin bit on the edge and hack at the person's neck... I think it's possible, Sir... Over"

"This is bizarre... keep me informed of updates... and Swanson... I haven't located my daughter, Jessica. I'd appreciate if you could start a search for her when you finish up your report... and Happy Birthday Swanson... Over"

"Thank you, Sir... Copy on the search... Over"

Jackson is curious, "Brick... Why would the trolls use a cafeteria tray to cut off the guy's head? How would they even get a tray?"

"I have no idea." The Sheriff answers Jack as he calls the Mayor on his cell...

"Dave...Its Tom Brickland... Is Little Feather there? Can you put her on please?"

Brickland waits a few seconds... then Little Feather takes the phone..."

"This is Little Feather"

"Little Feather... this is Sheriff Brickland... First of all I want to thank you for staying at your post... I know your father put a lot of pressure on you to leave"

"That's okay Sir... I couldn't leave while the town needs me"

"Well I need you right now to help me... Did your father tell you anything at all about these troll beasts... anything?"

"Yes Sir. He told me that long ago, our peoples lived beside the trolls and coexisted eating the same prey: the mastadons, bison, and giant sloths. When the food became scarce, the trolls would then prey on us. At first they only took the weak from our tribes... and only what they needed. But they became bolder, and gradually learnt that if they could kill us all or scare us away, then there was no competition to prey on their food. They signalled that they were going to slay us all by first killing a young warrior, decapitating him with a sharpened piece of slate, and impaling his headless body against the trunk of a young maple on the stump of a branch. They would also take a young squaw from the tribe and do terrible things to her, Sir, eventually sacrificing her to the moon God. Our people would flee as quickly as possible as it was useless fighting against these monstrous beasts. Our tribes people would gradually return when food was plentiful, but always wary of the pale sinister beasts that lived in the hills"

"Thanks Little Feather... that might be helpful... I'll see you at the McAussie farm"

Tom hangs up and speaks to Jack, "There is no slate left after the slate mine removed it all and closed down. That might explain why they used a tray instead.... I am guessing that the dead boy's body is impaled on some maple tree somewhere."

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Originally posted by Frigo's Luggage...

"[Calling him] 'dickcheese' is the insult of a master. Some people work in oil, some people work in clay. He [thoughtforfood] works in profanity. Open your mind and enjoy its beauty."

thoughtforfood

No, I knew you knew. I was just being facetious.

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If this van is a'rockin, don't come a'knockin

Crankyfeet

Chapter 5

The attack was swift and clinical. Will's neck was instantly broken to stifle any alerting cry. The troll's index claw quickly sliced the abdomen which allowed the beast to rip out the fresh liver and devour it whole. Cast aside... the body had given up all it was worth at this time. The trolls had more important things on their minds than eating.

"Hey guys... I think Will must have went back, he didn't even tell me he was leaving", hollered Kara to the single-file troop in front.

"What a chump... he must have thought he was going to have to inhale or something" quipped Nate with a laugh.

Brian ventured off the main path onto a much less noticeable one.

"Hey Elders... you sure you know where you're going?" questioned Nate.

"Trust me dude... this spot is totally spun, man... I found it last week", replied Brian.

Not much time passed before the sounds of a small stream running over rocks broke the twilight din. The brush opened up to reveal a pool in the stream. Beside the pool was a grassy area and slightly further along on the other side was a large rocky outcrop protruding from a cliff of bare soil that formed the edge of a higher plateau, some 25ft higher than the stream.

Brian spoke "When we get up on top of that rock over there, you'll see what I mean"

The group crossed the stepping stoned stream and started climbing the rock, which was surprisingly easy because of its step-like strata. At the top there was a progressive sigh as each person witnessed the sight.

"Way cool dude!" Mark said happily, "you got a view over the trees".

"You can just see the top of the library and the sunset as well... and if anyone finds us, by the time they climb up here, we'll have split" Brian proudly replied.

"You got those joints Elders?...We haven't got all night... I didn't come here for the view", Nate chimed in... not missing a chance to assert his authority.

The group sat down on the rocky precipice as Brian passed around the stash he had nicked off his older brother that morning.

"This spot is so cool guys... We should come here when we don't have practice" said Tanya

"Yeah...you girls could do our homework" Nate joked

Brian took a long draw and exhaled "Hey does anyone want to go for a swim, that pool looks awesome" as he caught Jolene's eye.

Jolene glanced at Bronwyn "Yeah...I'll go... you'll come too, hey Bron?"

"Sure" Bronwyn replied smiling.

"Hey I'll come too" Mark interjected, as the guys had already worked out that Bronwyn was his girl on this jaunt.

As the four got to the bottom of the rock Brian began to take off his shirt, as did Jolene. "What ..We skinny dipping?" queried Mark.

"Whadda ya think" replied Brian.."You gunna sit around in wet clothes"

The three without Mark slid into the water as he decided he'd rather undress behind a bush on the other side of the stream.

Kara was now aware and slightly upset that she was the one without a partner. She had a crush on Mark, and it was obvious he'd chosen Bron. Nate and Tanya were practically necking when she got up and decided to go down to the pool. She didn't really want to swim, so it seemed an ideal time to venture into the trees and bushes by the swimming-hole for a toilet break. She went to where the troop had entered the clearing. About twenty yards from where she left the path she found a tree that seemed like it would be as good a spot as any. She hiked up her skirt to remove her pants when she heard a sound approaching from the other side of the tree. She slowly peered around the trunk as something grabbed her from behind.

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Originally posted by Frigo's Luggage...

"[Calling him] 'dickcheese' is the insult of a master. Some people work in oil, some people work in clay. He [thoughtforfood] works in profanity. Open your mind and enjoy its beauty."

thunder

man, its like I walked into Penthouse letters bizzaroworld

Crankyfeet

If you just read that above post on its own then, yeah... it's Penthouse letters bizzaroworld. If you read from the bottom of page 3, post #44, where the story begins, then its just Penthouse letters...

But you'd still be wondering WTF this has to do with pro cycling?...

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Originally posted by Frigo's Luggage...

"[Calling him] 'dickcheese' is the insult of a master. Some people work in oil, some people work in clay. He [thoughtforfood] works in profanity. Open your mind and enjoy its beauty."

thunder

I think you can work in Cdale Girl into a fantasy to include pro cycling and penthouse

Crankyfeet

For you?...

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Originally posted by Frigo's Luggage...

"[Calling him] 'dickcheese' is the insult of a master. Some people work in oil, some people work in clay. He [thoughtforfood] works in profanity. Open your mind and enjoy its beauty."

C'dale Girl

Dude, your blocking out time to read an internet forum thread . . .

C'dale Girl

And you've been wondering why the post count has been down in the FID? Look in the mirror my friend. Shame on all of you.

C'dale Girl

Wtf?

Here I am responding to this thread as I'm WEEDING through the bs, and I just now come across this. Nice!!!!!

Does anybody know how Lance set up his computer to tip him off every time he's mentioned? I think I'm going to have to start investing in such software. We all know I don't read all the shit on CF and, well, between this and the Dear Cycling Expert thread, I'm beginning to think I might be able to benefit from such technology.

(thunder, take note as to the timing of my post here. )

C'dale Girl

As a point of clarification, I did not mean that Cranky's novel or any on-topic posts regarding best quotes were bs substantively. To quite the contrary, I quite enjoyed all of the posts and the story. I used the term "bs" loosely and facetitously and not literally. Thanks . . . now, carry on.