Jeff Jones About To Change Paris-Roubaix Forever!!!

Richard Longwood

The following message came to me in a dream -- this message is for George
Hincapie.



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The Time has come to rage Jihad against the dopers, the climbers, the
wannabes, the Belgians, the French, and the puppet boy wonder of Johan
Museeuw.

Awake and make Jihad. But first, learn to listen for the 10 audio signals
which Jeff Jones will broadcast to you each minute of the race in your ear
piece. These 10 audio signals will instruct you in the cool Jihad of the
day. So, if you want to be cool when you make Jihad you must listen for the
10 audio signals and obey them. Then, when you know them by heart and are
prepared to act on them, unplug your ear piece and release the rage within.
Do not leave your ear piece where anyone can find it. Repeat. Throw away
your ear piece after you have heard the 10 audio signals of Jihad from Jeff
Jones. Do not leave it with your team and do not leave it in your hotel.
The infidels must not learn these audio signals! Otherwise the infidels
will learn these audio signals and the UCI will use them against the dopers
and there will be no one fun to make Jihad with anymore.

Remember that the dopers and the puppet boy wonder of Johan Museeuw can not
be destroyed without the help of Jeff Jones who has come to earth to bring
us the "good news" of compassion and love and thigh-burning rage. That is
why he, Jeff Jones, has been chosen to deliver the audio signals of Jihad
under the very noses of Satan's impotent hand puppets: Peter Van Petegem,
Dario Pieri, Johan Museeuw, Steffen Wesemann, Tom Boonen, and Servais
Knaven. He will not know it, but as he types out the LIVE broadcast of
Paris-Roubaix for cyclingnews.com, he will actually be sending out the
ultra-sonic audio signals of Jihad.



As soon as you have learned the audio signals of Jihad, you are just one
step away from becoming your own bin Laden. All you need now is bin Laden's
secret instruction book. The one he looks at when he wants to know what to
do next. This book that was written by Andrei Tchmil to brainwash the
dopers in their Jihads against life and against the UCI infidels and against
the director of the film "I Sailed to Tahiti with an All Girl Crew."



Once you own this book, you will always be one step ahead of the Belgians,
and two steps ahead of the dopers, who are everywhere. When they fuck up,
only you will know it. And you can go on Larry King or David Letterman and
say hey you, doper, you dumbfuck, you fucked up again! Then you can send in
your crack USPS hit squad to find and kill them in the last 20 kilometers.



Remember George, listen for the voice of Jeff Jones and then release the
Jihad on the peloton, and you will win Paris-Roubaix!!!