Jeff Jones Wins Presidency In Secret Online Overnight Chat Room Election, Names Cabinet, Etc.

Richard Longwood

Jeff Jones Wins Presidency In Secret Online Overnight Chat Room Election,
Names Cabinet, Etc.

CYCLINGNEWS (Dot Com) - On account of it being an election year, or
whatever, President Governor good-ole-boy Jeff Jones accidentally held the
2004 election in an AOL or Yahoo chat room or somewhere last night.
The results were:

Jeff Jones --------------------------------------------- 1 billion votes
Tom Kunich ------------------------------------------ 500 million votes
Haven Hamilton ------------------------------------- 3 votes


Tom Kunich was also arrested for voting twice for Jeff Jones.

The Supreme Court promptly OK'd the election results even though the
election wasn't held in November like apparently it's supposed to be.

Supreme Court Chief Justice, Diana Ross or Clarence Thomas or whoever,
stated the election would count on account of how like there were probably
about a zillion times more people voting in this accidental election than
there would have been if the election were held in November when it's
apparently supposed to be.

After the landslide election victory, President Jones promptly gave an
impromptu state of the union address in which he stated that, starting
tomorrow, all non-good-ole-boys would be shot on sight, so if you weren't a
good-ole-boy, you damn well better become one fast, but if you already were
one, you didn't need to do a damn thing, which, if you're a good-ole-boy, is
most likely what you were already doing anyway, so you REALLY didn't need to
do a damn damn fucking fucking fucking thing. At all.

He also combined the cabinet and the Supreme Court into one branch of
Congress and named all the people who'd be on or in it. Here it/they is/are:

Secretary of State: Jimmy Swaggart
Secretary of Defense: Jerry Fallwell
Secretary of the Treasury: Pat Robertson
Secretary of Commerce: Jim and Tammy Faye Baaker
Secretary of Labor: Billy Graham

Supreme Court Chief Justice: Clarence Thomas
Justice: Clarence Thomas Jr.
Justice: Clarence Thomas III
Justice: Long Dong Silver
Justice: Long Dong Silver Jr.
Justice: Long Dong Silver III
Justice: Robert Bork
Justice: Robert Bork Jr.
Justice: Robert Bork III
Justice: Tammy Faye Baaker
Justice: Ice Cube or Ice-T

Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff: Ron Jeremy
Federal Reserve Chairman: Johnny Wadd or Johnny Depp
Chairman of the Council of Economic Advisors: Carol Doda

President Jones also appointed "Richard Adams" to take over in case Robert
Chung tried to pull another one of those Nixon Kennedy Debate Assassinations
on him the way Willy Horton did on Governor what's his name, Moonbeam, or
whoever.

Vice President and UN representative and foreign trade representative Tammy
Faye Baaker was unavailable for comment.