men are from mars

Originally Posted by vlad

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars,
Women Are From Venus," offered by an English
professor from the University of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we
will experiment with a new form called the tandem
story. The process is simple. Each person will
pair off with the person sitting to his or her
immediate right.

As homework tonight, one of you will write the
first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail
your partner that paragraph and send another copy
to me. The partner will read the first paragraph
and then add another paragraph to the story and
send it back, also sending another copy to me.
The first person will then add a third paragraph,
and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read
what has been written each time in order to keep
the story coherent.

There is be absolutely NO talking outside of the
e-mails and anything you wish to say must be
written in the e-! ! mail. The story is over when
both agree a conclusion has been reached.

The following was actually turned in by two of
his English students:

Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of
tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be
her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in
happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she
felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and
if she thought about him too much her asthma
started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader
of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon
4, had more important things to think about than
the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo
named Laurie with whom he had spent ! one sweaty
night over a year ago.

"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his
transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit
established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct
hit sent him flying out of his seat and across
the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
but not before he felt one last pang of regret
for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
stopped its pointless hostilities towards the
peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes
Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The
news simultaneously excited her and bored her.
She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
when the days had passed unhurriedly and
! carefree, with no newspaper to read, no
television to distract her from her sense of
innocent wonder at all the beautiful things
around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to
become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10
seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the
city, the Anu'udrian mother ship launched the
first of its lithium fusion missiles. The
dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through
the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target
for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two
hours after the passage of the treaty the
Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth,
carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire
planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium
fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded.
The President, ! ! in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of
Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion,
which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 285
million other Americans. The President slammed
his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow
this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow
'em out of the sky!"

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery
of literature. My writing partner is a violent,
chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious
neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
F--KING TEA? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo
who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

*******.

(Gary)

*****

(Rebecca)

F__K YOU -- YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.

(PROFESSOR)
A+ - I really liked this one