hope you like it.

hxcsxe

People say you should fight fire with fire but I'd rather call the fire department.

I think sex with my girlfriend is getting in the way of my masturbation.

I think "argh!" is the only letter pirates know in the alphabet.

How exactly does an african-american person say he/she is the blacksheep of the family?

I think Dr.Baker should stick to pastry.

I think clocks masturbate when nobody's looking.

Playboy or hustler is not a good choice for a book report.

When I was little my teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.I said "when I grow up I want to be at least 5'8".

Turtles do not make good carriage pullers.

I wish my pillow was made of marshmallows so I wouldn't have to get up for a midnight snack.

I think the safest place for your wallet when you're at a concert is at home.

I think the cure for laziness is an incentive and the cure for an incentive is rich parents.

If bubbles have a voices they'd say "ouch!" when they pop.

I think lying is wrong but it's extremely relaxing.

I think people kick other people because they're too poor to afford a ball.

If punches hurt, then drinking a lot at a party will kill you.

I think fire and water will not makea good soap opera couple.

I think people with big eyes should share some with the blind.

If "A" was a number and "3" was a letter, that would be weird.

I think the terrorists just mistook the world trade center for an airport.

When people ask me what my zodiac sign is I stick out my middle finger.

People say the bible was the first book ever written but I think the first book ever written was "How to write a Bible" by Dr.Phil.

Marriage bonds two people but not as good as handcuffs do.

Scientists discovered new species in the ocean.They call it garbage.

Dracula's favorite victim is a giraffe.

I think bears are cute until the moment of attack.

I think four credit cards can beat a royal flush.

I think cd's are recyclable frisbies.

If you're a worm then you'd better learn how to swin.

I think the reason sharks don't have legs is because they're sharks.

If a poem doesn't rhyme, then you should learn to read.

I think teachers love apples because it's the only word they know how to spell.

I think concrete works better than construction paper.

All flags look the same to a blind man.Pitch black.

If your attack backfires, then you're probably holding the gun the wrong way.

When people say to me "Kyle, your nuts.".I say "what about 'em?"

Your room doesn't guarantee you privacy because you still have to figure out a way to get away from you.

I think a line is not considered a line if it looks like this.-~^---~^~~~~-

I think barbers cut hair to get revenge at it.

Grandpa owns the house next to mine, so in about 5 years I'll be my own neighbor.

I think duct tape's initial intention is to make things stick and hold, not be an accomplice in a kidnapping.

If you think you have a third eye and can talk to the dead, then you're probably insane.

I think the alarm clock is the punk rocker of the clock family.

If the car doesn't start, then you need to practice your hot-wiring skills.

I think the triangle was the only shape known to man during the time of the ancient egyptians.

I think card board is a cheap imitation of wood.

I think a chinese restaurant is the worst place to order mexican food.

I think the Titanic was bullet-proof but not ice-berg proof.

I think the thing at the hospital that tells a patients status is trying to draw a straight line but something keeps bugging it.

I think if a guy has a certain shortcoming, He should be able to park in the handicaped parking space.

I think the dinosaurs were wiped out not because of a meteor hitting the earth.My guess is body odor.

I wish there was a new gentler term for cancer, like "better get a start on that will of yours, buddy."

I think the reason disney created tigger is because they hate taiwanese people.

have you ever been mistaken for an ashtray?

I think barbie would sell huge to a male demographic if the makers would drill a hole in every toy.

I speak 20 different languages.18/20 are made up.

I'd like to hear a stevie wonder cover of the song that goes"~I can see clearly now the rain is gone...bright bright sun shiny day~".

I think the terrorist are bombing the wrong places.If I was one I'd bomb the local porn shop in the area.

I wish I could have the chance to hug Oprah because it will be easier to rob her that way than to hold up a gun in her face

I wish there are hotels on the way to the top of mount everest.Makes it much easier to climb or better yet an elevator.

My ultimate goal in life is to go to the moon and take a dump there.

I think Donald Trump is a cheap bastard because he only hires one person on his show.

I think the 700 club needs more followers.

I think the fastest way to stop people from fighting is a hand grenade.

If math was my thing I'd be asking you equations instead of telling jokes.

MountainPro

what, you mean you are telling us jokes?

__________________
HARD
.

runnercyclist

OK most of these were not funny, but 9/11 jokes are NEVER funny. Stick to cycling.

__________________
...on the road (bike) to fitness!