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30-08.-2006, 04:59 PM
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#1 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: SCOTLAND...you know it.
Posts: 3,015
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Management Bulls*it
Every couple of weeks my email inbox is graced by a 'Statement from the SMT' from the company i work for.
SMT = Senior Management Team These are usually several pages of bullshit. Stuff like: "This assistance will ensure that we will have the robust platforms and infrastructure necessary to provide operational benefits and clarity across all Companies activities." Are there special training courses that people go on so that they can talk drivel that sounds important but doesnt really mean anything? Anyone else get this stuff and is baffled?
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30-08.-2006, 05:11 PM
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#2 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Tokai,CAPE TOWN,SA
Posts: 511
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Re: Management Bulls*it
This assistance will ensure that we will have the robust platforms and infrastructure necessary to provide operational benefits and clarity across all Companies activities."
Wow !you obvioslly have a very important job,if i got an email like that it could only mean i sent it to myself, as i'm self employed  that could be quite worring!Does this statement mean they have provided you with a new office chair,with a built in network update on the office scandle?  |
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30-08.-2006, 05:47 PM
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#3 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: SCOTLAND...you know it.
Posts: 3,015
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Re: Management Bulls*it
Quote:
Just checked with a few collegues....and the jury is still out on this one, but the main theory is that it means, "This money will make things better"...
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30-08.-2006, 06:59 PM
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#4 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Posts: 828
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Re: Management Bulls*it
Quote:
"assistance" means they're borrowing a lot of money "robust platforms and infrastructure" means they're about to spend it all on IT software "operational benefits and clarity" means they don't really understand what the IT software does but it's a term the sales guy used "company activities" means they will be playing golf while you try and sort out the problems they bought/caused Easy! |
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30-08.-2006, 08:12 PM
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#5 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: SCOTLAND...you know it.
Posts: 3,015
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Re: Management Bulls*it
Quote:
good one, borrowing lots of money (or in this case a govt grant) makes me worry that the companies profits were not as high as forcast last year... probably due to unforseen macro ecomonic and demographic forces....(people do not want the product)
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31-08.-2006, 06:17 AM
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#6 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Didn't you ask for directions?
Posts: 6,113
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Re: Management Bulls*it
Quote:
Have you ever seen the movie Office Space? If not go get it and you will be rolling on the floor.  I think you will relate...
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This stuff is just crap...Hitchy |
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31-08.-2006, 04:47 PM
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#7 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: SCOTLAND...you know it.
Posts: 3,015
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Re: Management Bulls*it
Quote:
cheers mate, i'll have a look for it...
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31-08.-2006, 06:25 PM
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#8 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Deepest, Darkest West Central Africa
Posts: 1,464
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Re: Management Bulls*it
Quote:
In my own case, I have watched the core business of our company change, over the last 5 years, into a self-sustaining breeding ground for IT 'experts' and auditors, who have both parasitically smothered us. I seem to spend more time trying to get the IT'ers to make their useless, excessively paranoid and nonsensical network function, and responding to the continuosly changing demands of auditors as they redefine responsibility of everyone except themselves, than I do carrying out my actual job. Ignore them, MP, they have dined excessively on the fruit of self-importance, and have no interest in functionality, or any other ingredient tainted with reality. |
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01-09.-2006, 06:05 AM
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#9 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: SCOTLAND...you know it.
Posts: 3,015
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Re: Management Bulls*it
Quote:
the people i work for are wankers....i hate my job with a passion i have applied for a few jobs lately and with hope i will be working for a different company soon... thing is, i have some real information that can bring down the current operation...dodgey deals, bad working practice, terrible health and safety breaches, corrupt dealings with local authorities and general management incompetencies. i lead a pretty influencial website in my area where i can blow the whistle on the lot of the bastards... i am thinking of sinking the ship...2000+ employees. the stuff i have on these guys will shock the shit out of anyone....they let me in and fucked me over....they will pay.
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01-09.-2006, 06:44 AM
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#10 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Didn't you ask for directions?
Posts: 6,113
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Re: Management Bulls*it
Quote:
What about the 2000+ employees?
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This stuff is just crap...Hitchy |
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01-09.-2006, 06:55 AM
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#11 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: SCOTLAND...you know it.
Posts: 3,015
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Re: Management Bulls*it
Quote:
its best for them in the long run.....they are mostly good people.. i am the proverbial man that knew too much...
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01-09.-2006, 07:57 AM
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#12 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Craggy Island
Posts: 2,825
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Re: Management Bulls*it
Quote:
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I'm Rooting for Chiara! Drink!Feck!Arrse!Girls! bastard |
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01-09.-2006, 12:46 PM
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#13 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: metro dc USA
Posts: 3,394
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Re: Management Bulls*it
Quote:
Yes. that corporo-speak sounds like it would've dove-tailed into that movie nicely. I also rank that movie very highly.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin US comedian and actor (1937 - ) |
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01-09.-2006, 12:48 PM
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#14 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: metro dc USA
Posts: 3,394
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Re: Management Bulls*it
Quote:
It might mean that they are subcontracting/renting these services (wasting money). I feel for you man. Hang in there 
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin US comedian and actor (1937 - ) |
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01-09.-2006, 01:36 PM
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#15 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Resting by the Tumtum tree
Posts: 6,320
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Re: Management Bulls*it
Sounds like you desperately need some buzzword bingo cards. Go to this website http://isd.usc.edu/~karl/Bingo/ It generates a different card everytime time it is loaded. Print a bunch up and pass them out to friends at meetings.
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"You are like the wind and I like the lion. You form the tempest. The sand stings my eyes and the ground is parched. I roar in defiance but you do not hear. But between us there is a difference. I, like the lion, must remain in my place. While you like the wind will never know yours." -- Mulay Hamid El Raisuli, Lord of the Riff, Sultan to the Berbers, Last of the Barbary Pirates |
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