Moral of the story

Cipher

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the
class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral
of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first
volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand.

"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs
on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market.
Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of
the basket and onto the road."

The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies,
"Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."

Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every
weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator.
Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched."

The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies
"Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war;
his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out
before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a
machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer.
Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese
soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of
bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The
blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his
bare hands"

Teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly
any moral to his story.

Billy replies, "Don't f##k with uncle Ted when he's been
drinking!"

__________________
"Know your limits... Then FK'N Crush'em!!!"

Cipher

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one, so I'm wearing my garage door opener.
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You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
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I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
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I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust."
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I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease ... that's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
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You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"
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Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they were cramming for their finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

__________________
"Know your limits... Then FK'N Crush'em!!!"

Cipher

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. In heaven they found God sitting on the great white throne. He addressed Al first.
"Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replied, "Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now."
God thought for a second and said, "Okay, very good. Come and sit at my left." God then addressed Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill replied, "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me."
Again, God thought for a second and then said, "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right." God then turned to Hillary and asked, "Hillary, what do you believe in?"
Her reply: "I believe you're in my chair.

__________________
"Know your limits... Then FK'N Crush'em!!!"