(OT) Canadian Convention Tips

Discussion in 'Mountain Bikes' started by S o r n i, Jun 7, 2004.

  1. S o r n i

    S o r n i Guest

    Still have a year to decide :)

    **********

    Now that Toronto will be hosting the 2005 World Convention, these are some
    questions people the world over are asking. These questions about Canada
    were posted on an International Tourism Website.

    Q1. I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?
    (UK)
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch
    them
    die.

    Q2. Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

    Q3. I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad
    tracks? (Sweden)
    A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .

    Q4. Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
    A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

    Q5. It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
    contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
    A: Let's not touch this one.

    Q6. Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list
    of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
    A: What did your last slave die of?

    Q7. Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da
    is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo
    racing
    is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

    Q8. Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
    we'll send the rest of the directions.

    Q9. Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    Q10. Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is .
    . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
    Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

    Q11. Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
    A: No, WE don't stink.

    Q12. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
    you
    tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    Q13. Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
    population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    Q14. Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
    A: Only at Thanksgiving.

    Q15. Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year
    round? (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
    illegal.

    Q16. I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's
    name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
    A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains
    of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying
    yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    Q17. I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
    dated
    while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

    Q18. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
     
    Tags:


  2. Michael Dart

    Michael Dart Guest

    In news:Flcxc.16308$Ha2.13258@twister.socal.rr.com,
    S o r n i <sorni@bite-me.san.rr.com> typed:
    > Still have a year to decide :)
    >
    > **********
    >
    > Now that Toronto will be hosting the 2005 World Convention, these are
    > some questions people the world over are asking. These questions
    > about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.
    >

    <snip funny stuff>

    Yes, but their beer still sucks. ;^)

    Mike
     
  3. Sorni says:

    <snip good stuff>

    > Q18. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    > A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.


    Classic!

    Steve
     
  4. Carla A-G

    Carla A-G Guest

    "Michael Dart" <mrdartREMOVE@NOSPAMnewsguy.com> wrote in message
    news:ca46gd01bae@news1.newsguy.com...
    > Yes, but their beer still sucks. ;^)


    Utter bullshit :)

    - CA-G

    Can-Am Girls Kick Ass!
     
  5. Jason

    Jason Guest

    * Michael Dart <mrdartREMOVE@NOSPAMnewsguy.com>:
    > In news:Flcxc.16308$Ha2.13258@twister.socal.rr.com,
    > S o r n i <sorni@bite-me.san.rr.com> typed:
    >> Still have a year to decide :)
    >>
    >> **********
    >>
    >> Now that Toronto will be hosting the 2005 World Convention, these are
    >> some questions people the world over are asking. These questions
    >> about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.
    >>

    > <snip funny stuff>
    >
    > Yes, but their beer still sucks. ;^)
    >
    > Mike
    >
    >


    Heh our beer sucks? Maybe if you compare it to some of the classic
    European brands. But that swill they sell as beer to our south?

    Jason
     
  6. Carla says:

    >> Yes, but their beer still sucks. ;^)

    >
    >Utter bullshit :)


    I knew it was bad, but I didn't think it was THAT bad...

    ;-P

    Steve
     
  7. Iguana

    Iguana Guest

    Jason wrote:
    > * Michael Dart <mrdartREMOVE@NOSPAMnewsguy.com>:
    >> In news:Flcxc.16308$Ha2.13258@twister.socal.rr.com,
    >> S o r n i <sorni@bite-me.san.rr.com> typed:
    >>> Still have a year to decide :)
    >>>
    >>> **********
    >>>
    >>> Now that Toronto will be hosting the 2005 World Convention, these
    >>> are some questions people the world over are asking. These
    >>> questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism
    >>> Website.
    >>>

    >> <snip funny stuff>
    >>
    >> Yes, but their beer still sucks. ;^)
    >>
    >> Mike
    >>
    >>

    >
    > Heh our beer sucks? Maybe if you compare it to some of the classic
    > European brands. But that swill they sell as beer to our south?
    >
    > Jason


    Umm, the beer from Unibroue(now owned by Sleeman) compares favourably to
    European brands.

    Total agreement to the piss water that they sell south of the Canuck
    border...
     
  8. R Schultz

    R Schultz Guest

    Iguana wrote:


    > Total agreement to the piss water that they sell south of the Canuck
    > border...
    >


    In the interest of peace and drinking good beer....

    Let's all be fair now. There's good beer on both sides of the border,
    just not (in general) from the big breweries.

    Just like you'd post here to find a good trail where ever you're headed,
    it pays to check the beer newgroups to find the good stuff.

    So for Toronto, let's try:

    Creemore Springs - my 'favourite' (English spelling)
    Steam Whistle - light and crisp for hot days
    Black Oak Pale Ale - another must have in the fridge
    Muskoka Springs Pale Ale

    That generally gets me through a summer, but there are LOTS more.

    Now when I'm in California (Orange County) I'm a big fan of Sierra
    Nevada, but I'm always looking for recommendations :)

    Of course the easiest way to pare down your choices for good stuff is to
    eliminate anything with the word 'lite' in the name.

    Rob S.
     
  9. SniffinVinyl

    SniffinVinyl Guest

    " S o r n i" <sorni@bite-me.san.rr.com> wrote in message
    news:Flcxc.16308$Ha2.13258@twister.socal.rr.com...
    > Still have a year to decide :)
    >
    > **********
    >
    > Now that Toronto will be hosting the 2005 World Convention, these are some
    > questions people the world over are asking. These questions about Canada
    > were posted on an International Tourism Website.
    >
    > Q1. I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?
    > (UK)
    > A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch
    > them
    > die.
    >
    > Q2. Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
    > A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
    >
    > Q3. I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad
    > tracks? (Sweden)
    > A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .
    >
    > Q4. Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
    > A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
    >
    > Q5. It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
    > contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
    > A: Let's not touch this one.
    >
    > Q6. Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a

    list
    > of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
    > A: What did your last slave die of?
    >
    > Q7. Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
    > A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.

    Ca-na-da
    > is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo
    > racing
    > is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
    >
    > Q8. Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
    > A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here

    and
    > we'll send the rest of the directions.
    >
    > Q9. Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
    > A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
    >
    > Q10. Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    > A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is

    ..
    > . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night

    in
    > Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
    >
    > Q11. Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
    > A: No, WE don't stink.
    >
    > Q12. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
    > you
    > tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
    > A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
    >
    > Q13. Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
    > population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    > A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
    >
    > Q14. Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
    > A: Only at Thanksgiving.
    >
    > Q15. Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year
    > round? (Germany)
    > A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk

    is
    > illegal.
    >
    > Q16. I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget

    it's
    > name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
    > A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the

    brains
    > of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying
    > yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
    >
    > Q17. I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
    > dated
    > while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
    > A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
    >
    > Q18. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    > A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
    >


    All ROTFLMAO except the vegan part. That is not entirely true.
    All non-vegatarian visitors should take comfort that we have caribou meat
    and whale blubber available, should they so desire. Thank goodness there's
    no mad whale disease here. Yet.


    Sniffinvinyl
    ----------------
    Remain sane, cycle your brains out . . .
     
  10. Xtc

    Xtc Guest

    S o r n i wrote:
    > Still have a year to decide :)
    >
    > **********
    >
    > Now that Toronto will be hosting the 2005 World Convention, these are some
    > questions people the world over are asking. These questions about Canada
    > were posted on an International Tourism Website.
    >
    > Q1. I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?
    > (UK)
    > A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch
    > them
    > die.
    >
    > Q2. Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
    > A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
    >
    > Q3. I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad
    > tracks? (Sweden)
    > A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .
    >
    > Q4. Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
    > A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
    >
    > Q5. It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
    > contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
    > A: Let's not touch this one.
    >
    > Q6. Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list
    > of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
    > A: What did your last slave die of?
    >
    > Q7. Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
    > A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da
    > is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo
    > racing
    > is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
    >
    > Q8. Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
    > A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
    > we'll send the rest of the directions.
    >
    > Q9. Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
    > A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
    >
    > Q10. Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    > A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is .
    > . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
    > Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
    >
    > Q11. Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
    > A: No, WE don't stink.
    >
    > Q12. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
    > you
    > tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
    > A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
    >
    > Q13. Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
    > population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    > A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
    >
    > Q14. Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
    > A: Only at Thanksgiving.
    >
    > Q15. Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year
    > round? (Germany)
    > A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
    > illegal.
    >
    > Q16. I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's
    > name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
    > A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains
    > of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying
    > yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
    >
    > Q17. I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
    > dated
    > while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
    > A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
    >
    > Q18. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    > A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
    >
    >

    Don't forget to bring a pair of snowshoes for the beach. The snow is
    soft this time of year up here.lol
     
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