Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Light and Healthy Baki^H^H^H^HDesserts"

Discussion in 'Food and nutrition' started by Ubiquitous, Oct 3, 2005.

  1. Ubiquitous

    Ubiquitous Guest

    OhgawdOhgawdOhgawd! I think I bust a gut from laughing!

    SLop enters with this startled look on her face, until now only seen on Janet
    Reno, carrying a piece of angel statuary. As the camera shows her putting it in
    the counter in extreme close up, a clumsy post-edit voice-over of her says
    "NOW, I'm going to you ALL about the great BAKING we'll be doing today!!".
    Apparently she thought this week's ep was "Light and Healthy BAKING". She then
    screws up that saying about "eating your cake and having it too" that annoys me
    to no end.

    When we return from the opening credits, SLop tells us it's going to be a
    brilliant day because this ep is all about "Low fat light BAKING!". She places
    twelve wontons onto a baking sheet, telling us "You can put the wontons next to
    each other b/c they don't rise". But if they did rise, wouldn't that mean that
    they grew upward and not sideways? She mixes some "nice" honey with "NICE hot
    water" from the sink faucet. She bastes the wontons and then "puts the wontons
    back into the oven". Huh?

    For a filling, she mixes some "rich and thick and delicious" ricotta cheese
    with one cup of low fat sour cream (as she holds the Rachel Ray container in
    front of her mouth, a clumsy post-production voice-over "this WHOLE container"
    is heard) into a food processor, to which she cuts open, nearly spilling a good
    amount of the contents, and then adds, an envelope of instant vanilla pudding
    mix and some vanilla extract. Struggling with the food processor, she scoops
    the mixture into a bowl and adds some lemon zest so it tastes "nice and fresh
    and right out of her garden".

    Grabbing a baking sheet on the counter behind her, accompanied by a clumsy
    post-production voice-over "Here are some that I made earlier", she assembles
    the vaugely-familiar napoleons with nine wontons by alternating wontons with
    the filling about three levels high. Strangely enough, I think I've seen that
    blue boat-shaped tray before... She confides that she adds vanilla or
    strawberry extract to Cool Whip so it tastes homemade. She embellishes a tub of
    Rachel Ray Cool Whip, and uses a glad bag to apply a small dollop to the
    napoleons, presumably throwing the rest of the Cool Whip away. She deep throats
    a large spoonful of the left-over pudding mixture as we bop out to commercial
    break.

    We return from commercial with SLop telling us this ep is all about "low fat
    deserts". I guess someone set her straight. Bringing out another tub of Rachel
    Ray Cool Whip, she declares she's going to make the phyllo cups. She opens the
    roll of phyllo dough, slaps it onto the counter and roughly rolls it open on
    the counter top, telling us to treat it gently because it's fragile.
    A post-production voice-over adds "this is light and wonderful pastry".
    She sprays PAM on it, makes some cinnamon sugar, sprinkles a pinch over the
    dough, adds another layer of dough, sprays it again with PAM, and sprinkles
    another layer of cinnamon sugar, topping it off with a final layer of dough.
    Using a pizza cutter, she cuts it into eight "square" rectangles and then
    stuffs them into a muffin tin, babbling something about how no cup will be
    identical in appearance. For some reason she uses half of the muffin tin,
    skipping every other one as if it's going to expand when it is baked. She
    creates a filling with instant chocolate pudding mix and instant eXpresso,
    mixed with a hand mixer on low; otherwise you'll get powder EVERYWHERE. She
    pulls out the cups from the oven and fills three with chocolate pudding and
    eXpresso mix, using a Glad bag to fill the cups instead of a spoon and then
    uses an entire tub of Cool whip in a Glad bag to place a tiny off-center dollop
    on each and finally dusting with coco powder. Yes, she threw the rest of both
    bags away. SLop then attempts to deep throat one, only to have it audibly
    shatter apart in her hands, forcing her to hastily exit stage right. I guess
    it's better than because she got third degree burns in her mouth and throat.

    When we return from commercial break, SLop talks about how intimidated she was
    by making meringues and begins making something. Meringues, I assume. After
    whipping the meringues sufficiently, she cries "It's going to be BEAUtiful!"
    and she starts uncontrollably licking the RA whipper attachment before dropping
    it into the sink. A trick to make perfect meringue cakes, she tells us, is to
    place a salad plate on parchment paper and use a pencil to make outlines for
    the meringue. With all the solemnity of the Surgeon General, she pauses to tell
    us "This is VERY important! I want you to turn the parchment paper upside down
    because you do not want to bake on that lead! This is VERY important!" She
    spreads the meringue into the shape of the saucer outlines to make disks. She
    pops them into the oven for an indeterminate time and says there two type of
    fillings. She begins with sugar free and fat free instant lemon pudding mix and
    adds milk. SLop is amazed at how fast it begins to "set up". For a second
    layer, she takes a new tub of Rachel Ray Cool Whip, described by a series of
    clumsy post-production voice-overs as "a. Low-FAT. WHIPPED. Topping.". She
    empties half into a bowl and adds some strawberries and strawberry extract (so
    it tastes homade?). She assembles the meringue cake by dumping half the pudding
    onto a meringue, topping it with another, then dumping some cool whip on top,
    topping it with a third meringue, some more pudding, and another meringue and
    the rest of the coolwhip. She garnishes it with a sprig of mint, some
    strawberries she set aside, and some lemon zest.

    When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen that
    it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". SL enters with a bottle of port wine.
    Psyche! No cocktail time! In its place, she makes a dried fruit compote. She
    puts port and sugar into a pan to heat up, then adds a bunch of random dried
    fruits and cranberries (because they're worth it!) and boils it. She exclaims
    that she loves the fruit because it soaks up the port and sugar and then spoons
    out some that is at a roiling boil in a pan over some frozen yogurt which
    somehow resists melting into a puddle. Grabbing a couple goblets of the
    compote, she moseys over to the table scape at the "kiddie table". Oddly
    enough, the tablescape is rather tame, consisting of cloth remnants in this
    week's color (lavendar) with fake purple rose petals strewn about. The compote
    glasses are set on big silver serving platters like you'd see at King Henry
    VIII's dinner. Sandra shows us her "clever" idea of stuffing the napkins into
    the lavendar coffee cups on the table before pimping the web site and exiting
    with a double baby-claw wave.

    --
    "Paper plates -- easy to get year round." Sandra Lee, "All American Girl
    Party"
     
    Tags:


  2. tsr3

    tsr3 Guest

    Still obsessing over the show, I see ......

    Your essays are........ZZZZZZZZ......BORING!!
     
  3. nancree

    nancree Guest

    2. tsr3 Oct 3, 7:11 pm show options

    Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv, alt.tv.food-network, rec.food.cooking
    From: "tsr3" <r3-...@earthlink.net> - Find messages by this author
    Date: 3 Oct 2005 19:11:03 -0700
    Local: Mon, Oct 3 2005 7:11 pm

    Subject: Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Light and Healthy
    "Still obsessing over the show, I see ......

    Your essays are........ZZZZZZZZ......BORING!!
    -----------------------------------
    I agree, --Ubiquitous is
    just a big snore.
    I watch Sandra Lee as often as possible. She's a Southern Belle type,
    which may put some of you off. But she knows what she's doing. See
    how expertly she handles her materials. Personally, I'm not much
    interested in her table decorations. I don't know why "Ubi" criticizes
    her using short-cuts. That's the whole "point" ! Semi-Homemade--get
    it ? Her whole show is a deliberate contrast to the extreme perfection
    of Martha Stewart . That's why she came up with this idea. And I
    admire Martha Stewart greatly--in all ways. But sometimes it's a long
    day, and a few short-cuts are just the thing.
    Nancree
     
  4. pennyaline

    pennyaline Guest

    nancree wrote:
    > I agree, --Ubiquitous is
    > just a big snore.
    > I watch Sandra Lee as often as possible. She's a Southern Belle type,
    > which may put some of you off. But she knows what she's doing. See
    > how expertly she handles her materials. Personally, I'm not much
    > interested in her table decorations. I don't know why "Ubi" criticizes
    > her using short-cuts. That's the whole "point" ! Semi-Homemade--get
    > it ? Her whole show is a deliberate contrast to the extreme perfection
    > of Martha Stewart . That's why she came up with this idea. And I
    > admire Martha Stewart greatly--in all ways. But sometimes it's a long
    > day, and a few short-cuts are just the thing.



    Yabbut... spraying pastry with PAM??? There's a joke in an episode of
    The Simpsons that addresses the same behavior (only for them it's
    english muffins), and to shill PAM-coating pastry dough as just a
    "shortcut" is as disgusting as the product itself.

    Beer-tinis?!

    Sandra is trailer trash reconceived by a television network promoting a
    misguided "you can do it, too" attitude. Where it is obvious that Jeff
    Foxworthy and "My Name is Earl" play ignorant for yuks, Food TV tries to
    make Sandra earnest and wholesome by retrofitting a capital C onto
    "cracker."

    As for how expertly she handles her materials: I learned to open pudding
    cups in my youth. That doesn't mean I knew what I was doing in the kitchen.

    To her credit, though, I DO believe she knows what she's doing. To her
    discredit, I DON'T believe she knows how silly and gross it gets sometimes.

    <like admitting she thinks adding vanilla or strawberry flavoring to
    Cool Whip makes it taste like homemade... homemade WHAT?>
     
  5. ANIM8Rfsk

    ANIM8Rfsk Guest

    in article 1128395015.875822.283590@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com, nancree at
    nancree@aol.com wrote on 10/3/05 8:03 PM:

    > 2. tsr3 Oct 3, 7:11 pm show options
    >
    > Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv, alt.tv.food-network, rec.food.cooking
    > From: "tsr3" <r3-...@earthlink.net> - Find messages by this author
    > Date: 3 Oct 2005 19:11:03 -0700
    > Local: Mon, Oct 3 2005 7:11 pm
    >
    > Subject: Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Light and Healthy
    > "Still obsessing over the show, I see ......
    >
    > Your essays are........ZZZZZZZZ......BORING!!


    Nope. They're WAY better than the show, and make the show that much more
    enjoyable.

    > -----------------------------------
    > I agree, --Ubiquitous is
    > just a big snore.


    And you would of course be wrong.

    > I watch Sandra Lee as often as possible.


    How sad for you.

    > She's a Southern Belle type,
    > which may put some of you off. But she knows what she's doing.


    LOL! So not. I take it you work for her?

    See
    > how expertly she handles her materials.


    Like when she drags her sleeves in the food?

    Personally, I'm not much
    > interested in her table decorations. I don't know why "Ubi" criticizes
    > her using short-cuts.


    He's just pointing out her massive incompetence.

    That's the whole "point" ! Semi-Homemade--get
    > it ? Her whole show is a deliberate contrast to the extreme perfection
    > of Martha Stewart . That's why she came up with this idea. And I
    > admire Martha Stewart greatly--in all ways.


    Wow. That's REALLY sad.

    But sometimes it's a long
    > day, and a few short-cuts are just the thing.
    > Nancree
    >


    --

    You Can't Stop the Signal
     
  6. Ubiquitous

    Ubiquitous Guest

    r3-rrr@earthlink.net wrote:

    >Your essays are........ZZZZZZZZ......BORING!!


    And yet you continue to read every one of them.

    --
    WARNING!!!
    Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
    standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
    assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
    "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
    where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
    Lee.
     
  7. On Mon, 03 Oct 2005 21:50:04 -0600, pennyaline
    <norwegianblue@icelandichoneyweek.org> wrote:

    >nancree wrote:
    >> I agree, --Ubiquitous is
    >> just a big snore.
    >> I watch Sandra Lee as often as possible. She's a Southern Belle type,
    >> which may put some of you off. But she knows what she's doing. See
    >> how expertly she handles her materials. Personally, I'm not much
    >> interested in her table decorations. I don't know why "Ubi" criticizes
    >> her using short-cuts. That's the whole "point" ! Semi-Homemade--get
    >> it ? Her whole show is a deliberate contrast to the extreme perfection
    >> of Martha Stewart . That's why she came up with this idea. And I
    >> admire Martha Stewart greatly--in all ways. But sometimes it's a long
    >> day, and a few short-cuts are just the thing.

    >

    There is nothing wrong with shortcuts, but when Sandra Lee mixes a
    chili seasoning packet, taco seasoning, a packet of ranch dressing,
    and spagetti sauce mix and then says it tastes great, she loses all
    credibility in my book.

    >
    >Yabbut... spraying pastry with PAM??? There's a joke in an episode of
    >The Simpsons that addresses the same behavior (only for them it's
    >english muffins), and to shill PAM-coating pastry dough as just a
    >"shortcut" is as disgusting as the product itself.
    >

    The Calorie Commando does this all the time instead of using butter or
    oil. That doesn't make it any less disgusting, though.
     
  8. Goomba38

    Goomba38 Guest

    tsr3 wrote:
    > Still obsessing over the show, I see ......
    >
    > Your essays are........ZZZZZZZZ......BORING!!
    >

    actually I find them pretty darn funny. If YOU find them boring, why do
    you keep bothering to read 'em?
    Goomba
     
  9. ANIM8Rfsk

    ANIM8Rfsk Guest

    in article noKdncgCfa6I0d_enZ2dnUVZ_tOdnZ2d@comcast.com, Ubiquitous at
    weberm@polaris.net wrote on 10/4/05 2:32 AM:

    > r3-rrr@earthlink.net wrote:
    >
    >> Your essays are........ZZZZZZZZ......BORING!!

    >
    > And yet you continue to read every one of them.


    Slops food is awful but they watch the shows.

    :-D

    >
    > --
    > WARNING!!!
    > Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
    > standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
    > assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
    > "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
    > where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
    > Lee.
    >
    >


    --

    You Can't Stop the Signal
     
  10. Goomba38

    Goomba38 Guest

    nancree wrote:


    > Subject: Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Light and Healthy
    > "Still obsessing over the show, I see ......
    >
    > Your essays are........ZZZZZZZZ......BORING!!
    > -----------------------------------
    > I agree, --Ubiquitous is
    > just a big snore.
    > I watch Sandra Lee as often as possible. She's a Southern Belle type,
    > which may put some of you off. But she knows what she's doing. See
    > how expertly she handles her materials


    Are you on drugs?!?! I SAW this episode... she was so "expert" at
    "handling her materials" as she cut open a packet of instant pudding
    (blech) that she did it sideways and half the powder fell out onto the
    counter as she went.
    Goomba
     
  11. Nancy Young

    Nancy Young Guest

    <pepsi@home.com> wrote

    > The Calorie Commando does this all the time instead of using butter or
    > oil. That doesn't make it any less disgusting, though.


    Ugh, Pam on phyllo, like nails on a chalkboard.

    Speaking of Calorie Commando, has anyone noticed that the
    new show is in his old set? They didn't even try to fake
    it, it's the exact set. I'm sorry, I think the guys are Dan and
    Steve, something like that. I guess FoodTV figured they had
    put enough money into them already.

    So, which of you are signing up for the new (next star)
    competition?

    nancy
     
  12. Lisa

    Lisa Guest

    Alright. She has finally done an episode that actually had me screaming at
    the television. Meringue cakes????!?!?!! My God in Heaven! Pastry chefs
    around the world were fainting as she did this. They looked like sh--.
    BTW, Snadra, they are called Vacherin ----- not merinue cakes. AND you pipe
    the meringue, you don't "shmear" it on parchment paper. You also DON'T dump
    sugar into the egg whites when you are whipping them, you SLOWLY add the
    sugar in. For this type of dessert --- which is supposed to be extremely
    LIGHT, you DON'T put pudding in between the layers. Crap, I'm gonna bust a
    blood vessel just thinking about it again.

    Another little lesson -- pencils use graphite --- not lead. You freakin
    moron.

    To address Nancree: stop whining about our entertainment. No one is
    holding a gun to your head to read these things. Instead of wasting our
    time, find someone else to irritate. I understand that standing at a
    gorilla cage and poking the gorilla with a stick is a wonderful time.....

    Keep it up Ubi. We'll share rants sometime.

    Lisa ;-)
     
  13. Nick

    Nick Guest

    Ubiquitous wrote:

    > She spreads the meringue into the shape of the saucer outlines to make
    > disks.



    That looked really difficult to get exactly right. Wouldn't it be easier
    ot use a cheesecake pan without the bottom?
     
  14. sf

    sf Guest

    On Mon, 03 Oct 2005 21:24:03 -0700, ANIM8Rfsk wrote:

    > Nope. They're WAY better than the show, and make the show that much more
    > enjoyable.



    BZZZZT! Wrong.
     
  15. When Ubi first started with his commentary on the blonde dope I
    protested that he need not look at her. Well, since then I've been
    watching her and she's better than any 'I Love Lucy' re-run. I
    apologized to Ubi several weeks ago, but I don't know if he saw it or
    not.

    Sandra is an alcoholic twit. She comes up with concoctions that look
    absolutely revolting. And her techniques and instructions are a hoot.
    I think it was last week she was mangling some sort of pastry dough.
    Her instructions about separating it was to do it in the refrigerator.
    Huh? My 'frig is pretty darn big, but I don't think I could get in
    there to separate dough.

    I saw the meringue episode and opening the pudding package sideways and
    spilling half of it. I still don't get her idea of adding vanilla
    extract to Cool Whip, it must be a delicacy is the Lee household. No
    wonder they are always swilling down the liquor at her house.

    Sandra is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
     
  16. sf

    sf Guest

    On 4 Oct 2005 22:57:20 -0700, itsjoannotjoann wrote:

    > Sandra is an alcoholic twit.


    Oh?
    >
    > Sandra is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.


    Soooo - why does she make more money than you've ever dreamed of?
     
  17. sf wrote:
    > On 4 Oct 2005 22:57:20 -0700, itsjoannotjoann wrote:
    >
    > > Sandra is an alcoholic twit.

    >
    > Oh?



    She's almost orgasmic when she get around liquor.


    > >
    > > Sandra is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

    >
    > Soooo - why does she make more money than you've ever dreamed of?



    Because I don't have a millionaire husband (known as "The Wallet") to
    bankroll me to get on tv to make a fool out of myself. That's my story
    and I'm sticking to it, what's your excuse?
     
  18. Brick

    Brick Guest

    On 3-Oct-2005, weberm@polaris.net (Ubiquitous) wrote:

    > OhgawdOhgawdOhgawd! I think I bust a gut from laughing!


    [...]

    > --
    > "Paper plates -- easy to get year round." Sandra Lee, "All American Girl
    > Party"


    You poor pathetic person. You spend so much time and effort badmouthing
    Sarah Lee. Perhaps you are jealous that she can make a life putting on a
    cooking show on TV. Have you not discovered the channel button on your remote?
    What is missing from your life that you have to spend so much time finding
    fault with others? Would you really like to arrange a cookoff with Sarah Lee?
    Perhaps that could be arranged. Do you have the balls to challenge her on
    national TV?
    --
    The Brick said that (Don't bother to agree with me, I have already changed my mind.)

    ----== Posted via Newsfeeds.Com - Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==----
    http://www.newsfeeds.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! 120,000+ Newsgroups
    ----= East and West-Coast Server Farms - Total Privacy via Encryption =----
     
  19. Goomba38

    Goomba38 Guest

    Brick wrote:

    > You poor pathetic person. You spend so much time and effort badmouthing
    > Sarah Lee. Perhaps you are jealous that she can make a life putting on a
    > cooking show on TV. Have you not discovered the channel button on your remote?
    > What is missing from your life that you have to spend so much time finding
    > fault with others? Would you really like to arrange a cookoff with Sarah Lee?
    > Perhaps that could be arranged. Do you have the balls to challenge her on
    > national TV?


    Oh good grief.. get a grip. You obviously miss the entire fun in
    watching her. Did you ever watch Mystery Science Theater? Do you ever
    see the humor in bad movies(or in this case cooking)??
    Are you REALLY so bereft of humor?
     
  20. Nancy Young

    Nancy Young Guest

    "Goomba38" <Goomba38@comcast.net> wrote

    > Oh good grief.. get a grip. You obviously miss the entire fun in watching
    > her. Did you ever watch Mystery Science Theater? Do you ever see the humor
    > in bad movies(or in this case cooking)??
    > Are you REALLY so bereft of humor?


    Pathetic, isn't it?

    nancy
     

Share This Page

Loading...