Per Christian Claiborn:
>I caught a fish with my bare hands. Gutted and smoked (thanks again,
>Belgium), it made a suitable container for our rescue note, which we let
>drift out to sea. It took seven weeks for them to find us, but we weren't
>bored; I taught an intensive linear algebra course to the others, refusing
>to introduce determinants until after we'd done eigenvalues. When we
>finally got picked up by the rescue boat, several of the party were ready
>to try the Putnam Exam.
tangental to the point of irrelevance, but it came to mind:
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THE CASTAWAY ENGINEER
An engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean.
Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the cruise
ship, capsizing it like a child's toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately
hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island.
Outside of beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was
little else. He lost all hope and for hours on end, sat under same palm tree.
One day, after several months had passed, a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat
appeared.
"I'm from the other side of the island," she said. "Were you on the cruise ship,
too?"
"Yes, I was, " he answered. "But where did you get that rowboat?"
"Well, I whittled the oars from gum tree branches, wove the reinforced gunwale
from palm branches, and made the keel and stern from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, what did you use for tools?" asked the man.
"There was a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed on the south side of
the island. I discovered that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my
kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow, that's how I got the
tools. But, enough of that," she said. "Where have you been living all this
time? I don't see any shelter."
"To be honest, I've just been sleeping on the beach," he said.
"Would you like to come to my place?" the woman asked. The engineer nodded
dumbly.
She expertly rowed them around to her side of the island, and tied up the boat
with a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp topped with a neat back splice. They
walked up a winding stone walk she had laid and around a Palm tree. There stood
an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
"It's not much, but I call it home." Inside, she said, "Sit down please; would
you like to have a drink?"
"No, thanks," said the man. "One more coconut juice and I'll throw up!"
"It won't be coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a crude still out back,
so we can have authentic Pina Coladas."
Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted the drink, and they sat down on
her couch to talk. After they had exchanged stories, the woman asked, "Tell me,
have you always had a beard?"
"No," the man replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life until I ended up on
this island."
"Well if you'd like to shave, there's a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."
The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom and
shaved with an intricate bone-and-shell device honed razor sharp. Next he
showered -- not even attempting to fathom a guess as to how she managed to get
warm water into the bathroom -- and went back downstairs. He couldn't help but
admire the masterfully carved banister as he walked.
"You look great," said the woman. "I think I'll go up and slip into something
more comfortable."
As she did, the man continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short time, the
woman, smelling faintly of gardenias, returned wearing a revealing gown
fashioned out of pounded palm fronds.
"Tell me," she asked, "we've both been out here for a very long time with no
companionship. You know what I mean. Haven't you been lonely, too? Isn't
there something that you really, really miss? Something that all men and woman
need? Something that would be really nice to have right now!"
"Yes there is!" the man replied, shucking off his shyness. "There is something
I've wanted to do for so long. But on this island all alone, it was
just...well, it was impossible."
"Well, it's not impossible, any more," the woman said.
The engineer, panting in excitement, said breathlessly: "You mean... you
actually figured out some way we can check our eMail here?"
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--
PeteCresswell
