"Ass*ole" he exclaimed as I sprinted past barefoot through the sand and
surf. I pushed off the ball of my right foot, did a nifty half turn in
midair, heels now tucked up beneath me, my right arm extended and swinging
in a wide arc. Watching the frisbee descend through it's own arc, calculus
coalesced in to instinct, my hand met the disc in space and time. Having
caught the toy with all the enthusiasm of an Australian Sheppard seizing a
tennis-ball, I fell to ground in a comfortable springy crouch and realized
the insult had been directed at me. I turned to the man with the long metal
pole, which ended in it's own foot wide disc, and frowned. He did the same.
Mine was the second frown of the day, and the sun was going down behind a
cruise ship and some very distant wispy clouds. His frown, it seemed to me,
to be all too suitable on the face of what appeared to be a beach bum turned
curmudgeon. Reaching down the shaft with what looked like a grotty
handkerchief he cleaned the sand of his metal detector, looking up briefly
to shoot me a "look what you did to my pride and joy" stare. I grinned,
whirled around, lunged and hurled the frisbee, narrowly missing his head, as
the disc sped down the beach to it's target. "Some people you just have to
f*ck with", I thought. The altercation took about five seconds. I jogged
down the beach towards my wife and partner in crime (whom I suspect had
targeted the disheveled buried-treasure-enthusiast in the first place)
feeling slightly happier. The mood of the man with the soiled handkerchief,
I suspected, turned a darker shade of gray. "Serves the dirty old *******
right", I thought. He had appeared earlier in the evening, with his pole in
hand probing for lost items, much too close and between the legs of several
young ladies asleep face down on their towels, causing frowns as he went.
I retrieved my hotel key and wallet from my shoe, collected my camera, towel
and sunscreen, stepped in to my beach shoes, squashing the heel backs as
usual and plodded back in the direction of Diamond Head to our room twelve
floors above a Denny's. Alone (my lovely wife had retired from the beach
half an hour earlier . you know, too much sand, bubble bath and all that) I
observed what a perfect evening it was. A Don Ho look alike trundled past,
resplendent in his paw flowered moo-moo. Korean tourists zoomed oversized
lenses at the last vestiges of the setting sun. A young Hawaiian foisted a
flyer in to my hand, "Best Dim-Sum in Waikiki"' it read. A transvestite clad
in a horribly revealing a leopard-skin leotard muttered insults at some
young bronzed teenagers playing beach volleyball. While causing and obvious
scene, it insisted under it's breath, they were scaring it's Rottweiler. In
a surreal mood I arrived at the lobby. Several policemen were scanning the
lobby for someone other than me as I strode past to the elevators. Knowing
our bathroom would be occupied and crowded with the scent of lavender and
seven other secret herbs and spices, I continued up to the roof top pool.
Having divested myself of a kilogram of sand between the shower, pool, hot
tub and shower I toweled dry, retrieved a new pair of socks from the beach
bag, and laced up my running shoes.
Emerging from the elevator in the lobby I was surprised to find it quiet
save for the Don Ho look alike and his Ukulele. I jogged a quick circuit
around the nearby park and lit out down the beach. The surf was crashing as
I ran along the steep section in front of the old colonial hotel. Pink
streaks where strewn over the horizon. The air was humid but the temperature
comfortable. Patio lanterns turned on in the distance. "Why do we come
here?", I had thought earlier in the day. Because it is nothing like home.
Surf