D
Dullard Trite
Guest
A Prayer for the Intercession of the Blessed Virgin Barry
The ever-increasing velocity of technology and culture and Barry Wicks has
finally broken man free from evolution the way exceeding escape velocity
breaks a launch vehicle free of earth's gravitation.
But a quick study of American cyclocross history in the European arena shows
that the path evolution has set us on, sucks. And with the genome now out of
evolution's hands, and IN Barry Wicks hands, it becomes incumbent upon Barry
Wicks to ACT quickly and dramatically to make the genome STOP sucking.
We therefore call for man to let go and mutate the living **** out of his
just so yesterday's genome. Viva la revolution!!! Let there be blatant,
drastic, violent, dramatic, random, no-holds-barred, shotgun experimentation
with human DNA in every laboratory, kitchen and bathroom round the clock.
This is America's only hope of getting away from the piece of **** it has
become.
So our purpose here is to, is to, is to, uhhhh... Well, whatever. Whatever
our purpose is, our means of getting there will be to uhhh, you know, to let
Barry Wicks do lots and lots of cyclocross and win the Cyclocross World
Championships so the common people will begin mutating. So YOU don't have
to. So you can go live your straight-arrow lives of love and honor and
success and happiness and fulfillment, while he is out here riding through
icy Belgian mud, and through the garbage pile of things that don't even
exist and may never exist. Suffering his ass off -- FOR YOU, for YOUR
future, for YOUR children's future.
Oh, and I just remembered our purpose. Our purpose is to prepare the icy
Belgian soil for the coming era of genomic, robotic, and cultural anarchy,
when the wannabe America cyclocross racer accepts what a pathetic loser of a
species he is and realizes how his only possible salvation is through wild,
crazy, off-the-wall, hail-Mary-play experimentation with the human genome,
with robotics, with artificial forms of consciousness, etc etc.
It's time to culturally shoot the moon, but this can only be accomplished
with a massively parallel prayer involving all mankind.
The human race in its entirety has been asked to clip in and pray this
prayer for the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Barry: Hail Barry, full of
grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed are you among Belgians, and blessed is
the fruit of your 195 mm crank, Victory. Holy Barry, Mother of clod, pray
for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
The ever-increasing velocity of technology and culture and Barry Wicks has
finally broken man free from evolution the way exceeding escape velocity
breaks a launch vehicle free of earth's gravitation.
But a quick study of American cyclocross history in the European arena shows
that the path evolution has set us on, sucks. And with the genome now out of
evolution's hands, and IN Barry Wicks hands, it becomes incumbent upon Barry
Wicks to ACT quickly and dramatically to make the genome STOP sucking.
We therefore call for man to let go and mutate the living **** out of his
just so yesterday's genome. Viva la revolution!!! Let there be blatant,
drastic, violent, dramatic, random, no-holds-barred, shotgun experimentation
with human DNA in every laboratory, kitchen and bathroom round the clock.
This is America's only hope of getting away from the piece of **** it has
become.
So our purpose here is to, is to, is to, uhhhh... Well, whatever. Whatever
our purpose is, our means of getting there will be to uhhh, you know, to let
Barry Wicks do lots and lots of cyclocross and win the Cyclocross World
Championships so the common people will begin mutating. So YOU don't have
to. So you can go live your straight-arrow lives of love and honor and
success and happiness and fulfillment, while he is out here riding through
icy Belgian mud, and through the garbage pile of things that don't even
exist and may never exist. Suffering his ass off -- FOR YOU, for YOUR
future, for YOUR children's future.
Oh, and I just remembered our purpose. Our purpose is to prepare the icy
Belgian soil for the coming era of genomic, robotic, and cultural anarchy,
when the wannabe America cyclocross racer accepts what a pathetic loser of a
species he is and realizes how his only possible salvation is through wild,
crazy, off-the-wall, hail-Mary-play experimentation with the human genome,
with robotics, with artificial forms of consciousness, etc etc.
It's time to culturally shoot the moon, but this can only be accomplished
with a massively parallel prayer involving all mankind.
The human race in its entirety has been asked to clip in and pray this
prayer for the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Barry: Hail Barry, full of
grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed are you among Belgians, and blessed is
the fruit of your 195 mm crank, Victory. Holy Barry, Mother of clod, pray
for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
