J
Joe King
Guest
An Open Letter to the RBR Professional Cycling Team
Dear RBR:
When I joined the Phonak Cycling team, it was my ultimate goal to be on the
"program" and to win the Tour de France. On Sunday, July 23rd, 2006, I
achieved that goal.
With the dedication and support of pharmacueticals, I alone overcame
impossible odds to make the 2006 Tour de France one of the most exciting
races in its history. When the race arrived in Paris on the final day, I
had the Yellow Jersey - but unfortunately I got caught.
Getting caught at the tour with Phonak makes me very disappointed. RBR, you
are an excellent organization. A few of you, like maybe 6 people total,
never wavered in your commitment to me despite the struggles I've forced you
to face in the past few weeks. It makes me happy to have won the Tour all
by myself with the help of performance enhancing drugs. You must be on
drugs too because of your ability to not see the obvious.
While the recent allegations against me hurt us all, I respect the fact that
the Phonak team must follow its own anti-doping rules and charter under
these circumstances. I just wish that all the parties involved would like
taking drugs like me. Despite this, I will not relent on my pursuit of
taking drugs without being detected. I will not shy away from this fight.
Most of all, I understand that this situation impacts families and friends
other than my own. Too bad. It affects my future business ventures and
ability to attract new sponsors. It is for this reason that I am determined
to show that I know how to take drugs without being detected and will in the
future win "fairly" and "cleanly." There is a greater integrity at stake
here than just my own.
I thank you all for your support and courage as I embark on this drug
riddled journey to restore my medicine cabinet with those things that I
really need to ride the way I did in Morzine.
Thanks,
Fraud Landis
Formerly the 2006 Tour de France Champion
Disclaimer
In case you didn't get it, none of this website is real. It's all fake.
It's all made up. It's satire. If it gets you mad, get a life and see the
First Amendment. Some definitions of satire include: witty language used to
convey insults or scorn; "he used sarcasm to upset his opponent"; "irony is
wasted on the stupid"; "Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do
generally discover everybody's face but their own"--Jonathan Swift. A
literary work which exposes and ridicules human vices or folly.
Historically perceived as tending toward didacticism, it is usually intended
as a moral criticism directed against the injustice of social wrongs. It
may be written with witty jocularity or with anger and bitterness where the
use of ridicule or scorn, often is used in a humorous or witty way, to
expose vices and follies. It is a mode of writing which exposes the
failings of individuals, societies or institutions to ridicule and scorn.
Its tone varies from tolerant amusement to bitter indignation. An amusing
exposure of folly and vice, which aims to produce moral reform. A work that
mocks or ridicules a popular idea or public figure by reduction to
absurdity. A work that blends a critical attitude with humor and wit as
well as with the intention of improving human institutions or humanity.
This site is meant for human beings residing on planet Earth, who have
survived successfully on this planet for 18 years or more. If you have not
heard of words like Sports Fraud, Liar, Thief, Saddam, AIDS, Cancer, Polio,
Floyd Landis, **** Head, Doping, Laden, Monica, Microsoft or DNA you are in
all possibility not residing on Earth. If you are not sure please try your
favorite search engine for irrelevant results. If you have existed on earth
for 18 years or more we expect you to have developed a sense of humor. To
check out if you have or do not have a sense of humor, please visit your
friendly neighborhood shrink who will discuss your sex life before
concluding if you have a sense of humor. If you do not have a sense of
humor please exit form this site. If you are offended when someone jokes
about you please leave now. Irrespective of how much we try, some
coincidental coincidence may lead to someone who is like you being written
about on this site. We do not know you, we promise, but if we write about
dirty politics and sports fraud and you think we are writing about you, we
have a problem on our hands. So please go away if you cannot laugh at
yourself. We have worked very hard to keep everything on this site untrue.
Please search CNN for truth from the American point of view, BBC form the
British point of view, The Times of India from the Indian point of view. We
have not harmed the environment not excluding trees, animals, marine
creatures or human beings while creating this site. If any of the animal
lovers like Pamela Anderson are upset, annoyed, disgusted, appalled by
anything we write, please let us know, we are more than willing to discuss
and settle this matter with the creatures involved. We do not care about
accuracy of Syntax in English, C++, Java or HTML on this site. There are no
warranties or guarantees here. All characters and corporations named in
this site, other than those clearly in the public domain, are fictitious and
any resemblance to real persons (or companies), living or dead (trading or
bankrupt), is purely coincidental. Any other names are invented. The
content of this web site should in no way be construed as factual. Let's
start by saying that all original, second, and third party content appearing
here is intended to be satire or spoof news. Any similarity to persons
alive or dead is coincidental except in the cases of prominent public
figures, where actions and characteristics are being satirized. That's why
we call it satire, you see. We make no warranty of the quality, decency,
reliability nor legality over these links, nor do we control the content or
site in any way. Some of the sites featured may contain material which some
may consider offensive, adult-themed, profane or less than factual.
Specifically, none of it should be factual, but what little is can generally
be disregarded too. The site should be considered satire and should not be
taken as factual. The people, events and corporations mentioned on this
site are completely fictional and bear no resemblance to anyone or anything,
living, dead or your mother. You use this web site at your own risk; we
will accept no responsibility for any injury, mental or physical, to
yourself or others, directly or indirectly caused by reading these pages. By
viewing this web site you agree not to sue us. The names of real people are
used purely for the purposes of satire and we usually mean them no harm.
This web site is designed for people with a sense of humor who are aged and
have an IQ of at least 18. This site is Satire. That means it is protected
under the first amendment. Humor, Satire, and Parodies are all protected by
the constitutions first amendment regarding freedom of speech and the press.
Some things written here may be intended to strike a nerve, or even make you
think. It is poking fun at something, and you may think you're within that
area that I'm having fun with. If you as an individual are offended by
something you read just remember that it is satire. Get over it. Lighten
up. Have a laugh or two and enjoy life. All rights reserved.
Dear RBR:
When I joined the Phonak Cycling team, it was my ultimate goal to be on the
"program" and to win the Tour de France. On Sunday, July 23rd, 2006, I
achieved that goal.
With the dedication and support of pharmacueticals, I alone overcame
impossible odds to make the 2006 Tour de France one of the most exciting
races in its history. When the race arrived in Paris on the final day, I
had the Yellow Jersey - but unfortunately I got caught.
Getting caught at the tour with Phonak makes me very disappointed. RBR, you
are an excellent organization. A few of you, like maybe 6 people total,
never wavered in your commitment to me despite the struggles I've forced you
to face in the past few weeks. It makes me happy to have won the Tour all
by myself with the help of performance enhancing drugs. You must be on
drugs too because of your ability to not see the obvious.
While the recent allegations against me hurt us all, I respect the fact that
the Phonak team must follow its own anti-doping rules and charter under
these circumstances. I just wish that all the parties involved would like
taking drugs like me. Despite this, I will not relent on my pursuit of
taking drugs without being detected. I will not shy away from this fight.
Most of all, I understand that this situation impacts families and friends
other than my own. Too bad. It affects my future business ventures and
ability to attract new sponsors. It is for this reason that I am determined
to show that I know how to take drugs without being detected and will in the
future win "fairly" and "cleanly." There is a greater integrity at stake
here than just my own.
I thank you all for your support and courage as I embark on this drug
riddled journey to restore my medicine cabinet with those things that I
really need to ride the way I did in Morzine.
Thanks,
Fraud Landis
Formerly the 2006 Tour de France Champion
Disclaimer
In case you didn't get it, none of this website is real. It's all fake.
It's all made up. It's satire. If it gets you mad, get a life and see the
First Amendment. Some definitions of satire include: witty language used to
convey insults or scorn; "he used sarcasm to upset his opponent"; "irony is
wasted on the stupid"; "Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do
generally discover everybody's face but their own"--Jonathan Swift. A
literary work which exposes and ridicules human vices or folly.
Historically perceived as tending toward didacticism, it is usually intended
as a moral criticism directed against the injustice of social wrongs. It
may be written with witty jocularity or with anger and bitterness where the
use of ridicule or scorn, often is used in a humorous or witty way, to
expose vices and follies. It is a mode of writing which exposes the
failings of individuals, societies or institutions to ridicule and scorn.
Its tone varies from tolerant amusement to bitter indignation. An amusing
exposure of folly and vice, which aims to produce moral reform. A work that
mocks or ridicules a popular idea or public figure by reduction to
absurdity. A work that blends a critical attitude with humor and wit as
well as with the intention of improving human institutions or humanity.
This site is meant for human beings residing on planet Earth, who have
survived successfully on this planet for 18 years or more. If you have not
heard of words like Sports Fraud, Liar, Thief, Saddam, AIDS, Cancer, Polio,
Floyd Landis, **** Head, Doping, Laden, Monica, Microsoft or DNA you are in
all possibility not residing on Earth. If you are not sure please try your
favorite search engine for irrelevant results. If you have existed on earth
for 18 years or more we expect you to have developed a sense of humor. To
check out if you have or do not have a sense of humor, please visit your
friendly neighborhood shrink who will discuss your sex life before
concluding if you have a sense of humor. If you do not have a sense of
humor please exit form this site. If you are offended when someone jokes
about you please leave now. Irrespective of how much we try, some
coincidental coincidence may lead to someone who is like you being written
about on this site. We do not know you, we promise, but if we write about
dirty politics and sports fraud and you think we are writing about you, we
have a problem on our hands. So please go away if you cannot laugh at
yourself. We have worked very hard to keep everything on this site untrue.
Please search CNN for truth from the American point of view, BBC form the
British point of view, The Times of India from the Indian point of view. We
have not harmed the environment not excluding trees, animals, marine
creatures or human beings while creating this site. If any of the animal
lovers like Pamela Anderson are upset, annoyed, disgusted, appalled by
anything we write, please let us know, we are more than willing to discuss
and settle this matter with the creatures involved. We do not care about
accuracy of Syntax in English, C++, Java or HTML on this site. There are no
warranties or guarantees here. All characters and corporations named in
this site, other than those clearly in the public domain, are fictitious and
any resemblance to real persons (or companies), living or dead (trading or
bankrupt), is purely coincidental. Any other names are invented. The
content of this web site should in no way be construed as factual. Let's
start by saying that all original, second, and third party content appearing
here is intended to be satire or spoof news. Any similarity to persons
alive or dead is coincidental except in the cases of prominent public
figures, where actions and characteristics are being satirized. That's why
we call it satire, you see. We make no warranty of the quality, decency,
reliability nor legality over these links, nor do we control the content or
site in any way. Some of the sites featured may contain material which some
may consider offensive, adult-themed, profane or less than factual.
Specifically, none of it should be factual, but what little is can generally
be disregarded too. The site should be considered satire and should not be
taken as factual. The people, events and corporations mentioned on this
site are completely fictional and bear no resemblance to anyone or anything,
living, dead or your mother. You use this web site at your own risk; we
will accept no responsibility for any injury, mental or physical, to
yourself or others, directly or indirectly caused by reading these pages. By
viewing this web site you agree not to sue us. The names of real people are
used purely for the purposes of satire and we usually mean them no harm.
This web site is designed for people with a sense of humor who are aged and
have an IQ of at least 18. This site is Satire. That means it is protected
under the first amendment. Humor, Satire, and Parodies are all protected by
the constitutions first amendment regarding freedom of speech and the press.
Some things written here may be intended to strike a nerve, or even make you
think. It is poking fun at something, and you may think you're within that
area that I'm having fun with. If you as an individual are offended by
something you read just remember that it is satire. Get over it. Lighten
up. Have a laugh or two and enjoy life. All rights reserved.
