Are you a Cycling Dork?

Discussion in 'The Bike Cafe' started by Guest, Feb 7, 2002.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Guest

    Guest Guest

    quoted from http://www.s1webdesign.com/humor.htm

    To help prevent from becoming objects of ridicule, here are 10 basic rules that if you adhere to faithfully, cycling dorkdom may never apply to you!

    1. Never never never ever wear a mirror on your helmet. This one small thing will immediately put you in a major make-fun of position. Now, of course, some riders who live in major metro areas need a mirror when riding in traffic. But you if you choose this little glass helmet add-on, you will still be categorized immediately as a major stay-away-from dork.

    2. For goodness sake, stop wearing Mercatone Uno or any other pro cycling apparel unless you perhaps actually ride for a pro team! Not many things will cause so many rolled eyes as a rider who shows up for a group ride completely decked out, from helmet to socks in some pro teams kit. YOU may think it is cool, but it is a major, major sign of dorkism. The only time this is allowed is when you are riding solo, and then only when no other riders will see you.

    3. Replace your 6-year old Bell helmet. The alarm bells go off instantaneously when a rider with a Bell Vector or some such antique helmet rolls up. Eeeeeeeek!

    4. PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEZ take your cycling shoes off sometime within, oh, 3 or 4 hours after you are done riding. Do not clatter all over the parking lot, registration, awards ceremony (EGAD!) with your cycling shoes on. Besides the obvious signs of dorkism, YOUR CLEATS ARE WEARING OUT!

    5. GET OUT of your cycling shorts sometime within a week or so of completing your ride. Standing around the parking lot chatting for hours after your ride in your shorts (and shoes probably) is a big NO NO. Let me ask you this, do you see Lance hours after a race still with his shorts on ? UMMMM. NO. Pros immediately get out of their cycling clothes upon completion of the ride. For good reason. It is a good way to get saddle sores, not even counting the dork points you will pile up doing this.

    6. NEVER BUY A "BIKE BRA". Only shop owners and rich snobs who ride C-40's and go slow use these. Bugs on your bike are a part of life dammit!

    7. DO NOT tuck your jersey into you shorts when you ride. Umm, a bike jersey was not made to be tucked in, hello, the pockets on the back and such? Geeeeeeeeeeeeez.

    8. SHAVE YOUR LEGS! Hairy legs are a monster giveaway to either being a major cycling dork, or, perhaps a victim of a very domineering wife.

    9. DO NOT loudly describe to your friends after the ride how you "hammered" but then were dropped and finished 37th.

    10. ROADIES w/ Camelbacks. Ummmmmm.. no..Acceptable only for RAAM riders and MTB, if you must.


    10a. And last but not least: The dreaded Chainring mark. These black greasy nasty marks consist of a chainring impression upon the calve. Amazingly, Cat 4's and citizens never seem to see these marks, riding and walking around parking lots (in their cleats, of course) decorated with these tattoes of cycling dorkdom proudly displayed.
     
    Tags:


  2. Vo2

    Vo2 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2001
    Messages:
    2,166
    Likes Received:
    4
    ;D So true! So true!

    I'm a No. 2 Dork. I wear Mercatone Uno pro cycling apparel. 8) It's quality clothing from Italy and it lasts longer.

    I've seen No. 7 Dorks! I avoid them like craazee!
    The No. 9 Dorks are at every race. ::)
    Never seen a No. 1 Dork. ;D
     
  3. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Hey I used to tuck my jersey in!

    I guess I'm a dork because I wear pro team apparel :p

    As for the 6 year old Bell helmet, I planned onusing my dad's 12 year old Bell helmet (Image Pro), but it didn't fit so I got a Pneumo instead...whew ;D
     
  4. ewep

    ewep New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2002
    Messages:
    202
    Likes Received:
    0
    Dork, maybe. I somteimes wear pro-team app. You can't really get other clothing in Johannesburg (or I don't know where to look). Another DORK statement is wearing your undies under your cycling shorts. DON'T!!! It looks bad and it makes the ride unpleasant.
     
  5. Guest

    Guest Guest

    well im a nonshaving dork who sometimes wears a camelback :) on rides where there is no water for nearly 60k
     
  6. Vo2

    Vo2 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2001
    Messages:
    2,166
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gotta shave, Nic. Gotta shave! :)
     
  7. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Hey, I don't shave! :-[

    ;D

    I'm not a roadie, though. I'm a mountain biker. We are filty, dirty slobs who seldom shower, let alone shave our legs.

    ;D
     
  8. Guest

    Guest Guest

    How about a mountain biker who wears WHITE socks?! ::) ::)
     
  9. Guest

    Guest Guest

    never seen it but this is a dorkisium i dreamt up ::)

    your about to win the race in a spint finish and are power to the line when you hear your heart rate monitor beep, your in the red zone. so you conceed the win because the hrm says you should not do that ;D ;D ;D ;D :p 8)
     
  10. Guest

    Guest Guest

    ....... to much sunshine maybe?
     
  11. FemaleCyclist

    FemaleCyclist New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2002
    Messages:
    81
    Likes Received:
    0
    Nicholas - cool one!

    I'd have to agree with VO2 - rather be called a dork and be free to wear the pro gear with pride! ;)
    As for the mirror on the helmet ;D ;D haven't seen it either, but it sure conjures up a funny picture! I can see the need for it on some roads though!!! BUT you won't catch me with one! :eek:
     
  12. Guest

    Guest Guest

    The mirror is a little bit like a dentist's mirror. We have them around Brisbane. I thought they were checking out the smile and the pearly whites. Now that's a dork :p
     
  13. Vo2

    Vo2 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2001
    Messages:
    2,166
    Likes Received:
    4
    This guy has it all: the mirror and the camelback! Apparently he has a Garmin GPS II installed on the aerobars;D

    [​IMG]
     
  14. Guest

    Guest Guest

    [​IMG]

    hehe this one is a clasic
     
  15. Guest

    Guest Guest

    wtf's he got knee pads on for?

    LOL
     
  16. Vo2

    Vo2 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2001
    Messages:
    2,166
    Likes Received:
    4
    That dudes Dork No. 3 for sure!
    Check-out the cycling tan...looks like he's wearing a white t-shirt! ;D
     
  17. Guest

    Guest Guest

    I rather wear that 6 year old Bell, but not the 20 year old "TOPSPORT" helmet from South africa. That white one, with the orange earflaps. You will also notice that the guy wears normal socks with grasshopper/church shoes while cycling. Promise you...it's true, come down to a C-Town funride and you will see this guy. He is doing every funride.
     
  18. Guest

    Guest Guest

    Admit it, we all do dorky stuff, heck, I used to TUCK IN MY JERSEY, and I still wear briefs under my cycling shorts. ;D
     
  19. Vo2

    Vo2 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2001
    Messages:
    2,166
    Likes Received:
    4
    Looks like this dude is a MAJOR sprinter! Maybe he's afraid of falling while sprinting for the line! ;D
     
  20. Vo2

    Vo2 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2001
    Messages:
    2,166
    Likes Received:
    4
    Wearing briefs under your cycling shorts is a big no-no. Chaffing and saddle sores deluxe!
     
Loading...
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Loading...