Originally posted by Guest
quoted from
http://www.s1webdesign.com/humor.htm
To help prevent from becoming objects of ridicule, here are 10 basic rules that if you adhere to faithfully, cycling dorkdom may never apply to you!
1. Never never never ever wear a mirror on your helmet. This one small thing will immediately put you in a major make-fun of position. Now, of course, some riders who live in major metro areas need a mirror when riding in traffic. But you if you choose this little glass helmet add-on, you will still be categorized immediately as a major stay-away-from dork.
2. For goodness sake, stop wearing Mercatone Uno or any other pro cycling apparel unless you perhaps actually ride for a pro team! Not many things will cause so many rolled eyes as a rider who shows up for a group ride completely decked out, from helmet to socks in some pro teams kit. YOU may think it is cool, but it is a major, major sign of dorkism. The only time this is allowed is when you are riding solo, and then only when no other riders will see you.
3. Replace your 6-year old Bell helmet. The alarm bells go off instantaneously when a rider with a Bell Vector or some such antique helmet rolls up. Eeeeeeeek!
4. PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEZ take your cycling shoes off sometime within, oh, 3 or 4 hours after you are done riding. Do not clatter all over the parking lot, registration, awards ceremony (EGAD!) with your cycling shoes on. Besides the obvious signs of dorkism, YOUR CLEATS ARE WEARING OUT!
5. GET OUT of your cycling shorts sometime within a week or so of completing your ride. Standing around the parking lot chatting for hours after your ride in your shorts (and shoes probably) is a big NO NO. Let me ask you this, do you see Lance hours after a race still with his shorts on ? UMMMM. NO. Pros immediately get out of their cycling clothes upon completion of the ride. For good reason. It is a good way to get saddle sores, not even counting the dork points you will pile up doing this.
6. NEVER BUY A "BIKE BRA". Only shop owners and rich snobs who ride C-40's and go slow use these. Bugs on your bike are a part of life dammit!
7. DO NOT tuck your jersey into you shorts when you ride. Umm, a bike jersey was not made to be tucked in, hello, the pockets on the back and such? Geeeeeeeeeeeeez.
8. SHAVE YOUR LEGS! Hairy legs are a monster giveaway to either being a major cycling dork, or, perhaps a victim of a very domineering wife.
9. DO NOT loudly describe to your friends after the ride how you "hammered" but then were dropped and finished 37th.
10. ROADIES w/ Camelbacks. Ummmmmm.. no..Acceptable only for RAAM riders and MTB, if you must.
10a. And last but not least: The dreaded Chainring mark. These black greasy nasty marks consist of a chainring impression upon the calve. Amazingly, Cat 4's and citizens never seem to see these marks, riding and walking around parking lots (in their cleats, of course) decorated with these tattoes of cycling dorkdom proudly displayed.
