Are you a Cycling Dork?

[Nicko71]

One of the funniest things I've seen on a bunch ride is two guys riding together, one with a helmet mirror - the other with half his **** crack showing at the top of his knicks. These two dorks rode the whole 85km with the bunch in histerics behind them not realising how funny they looked!!

I think they felt pretty good actually as guys much the better riders let them go past so they could see the hilarious view!! We wondered if the second guy moved his mirror a bit he might see down his mate's knicks!!

The other thing that cracks me up is the opposite end of the spectrum to a dork ---- a ******!!!

You know, like the guys who have every piece of gear known to man, and ride half a wheel in front of you regardless of the speed of the ride, and spend the whole time talking about themselves. I once met a guy who said to me on his first ride out "so you're just a weekend hack are you???"

There was one other guy that turned up to one of my training rides with a top bike, kit and accecories and rode into a ditch while talking to someone about himself and not watching where he was going!! Cracks me up!!

 

[lesliegee]

The BF told me last week I was truly a bike dork (he might have said bike geek) as I did a 35 mile group ride in the rain. Hey, it was a good ride Averages about 20 - which I was plenty happy with. I don't worry about the spandex shorts and biking jersey - what's the difference when I take my helmet off, and my sweaty hair stands out in all directions, and I'm covered with salt from my sweat and grit from the road. Not much point in caring about what people think at that point. Here in the states, we have a holiday on Monday, so have a three day weekend. -- all the more riding to do Have a great weekend everyone.

 

[Memphmann]

Originally posted by lesliegee
The BF told me last week I was truly a bike dork (he might have said bike geek) as I did a 35 mile group ride in the rain. Hey, it was a good ride Averages about 20 - which I was plenty happy with. I don't worry about the spandex shorts and biking jersey - what's the difference when I take my helmet off, and my sweaty hair stands out in all directions, and I'm covered with salt from my sweat and grit from the road. Not much point in caring about what people think at that point. Here in the states, we have a holiday on Monday, so have a three day weekend. -- all the more riding to do Have a great weekend everyone.

You are truly a bike dork when you ride in the rain alone. This takes more to do then with a group.....

Memph

 

[Brunswick_kate]

Originally posted by Memphmann
You are truly a bike dork when you ride in the rain alone. This takes more to do then with a group.....

Memph

Damn, I've been "geeked" again....

 

[bleachtblond]

I just wanted to tell ya'll to have a nice day off. Would one of ya'll go to work for me so I can have the day off? lol! Don't eat too much barbeque and if you do, go for a long, fast ride to burn it off.

 

[gntlmn]

I'm glad I'm so far out in the sticks that I can where my pro gear without offending anyone. People don't even know it's pro anyway. It beats chunking out a bunch of coin for inferior gear just to maintain etiquette. Better a dork than a whuss.

 

[Memphmann]

This has to be a cycling dork thing to do. Competing in a mtb or road race on the week-end and training on that bike with the race # still on. Come on, take it off after the race....

Memph

 

[cdaisyk]

oh gosh that was great! I totally agree, especially with the mirror thing. If you've gotta have a mirror, why not have it on your handlebars or something rather than your helmet? haha thanks for that post

 

[su22]

Originally posted by Memphmann
I guess that I am safe from this list. I shave, just makes the girls go crazy.
Memph

ive only come into this debate late, but that's exactly my point! i know that i scare guys away who are unfit, cuz so many guys i meet can't handle being beaten by a girl, so a guy with shaved legs is either a swimmer, cyclist or triathlete. mmm mmm.

 

[Memphmann]

Originally posted by su22
ive only come into this debate late, but that's exactly my point! i know that i scare guys away who are unfit, cuz so many guys i meet can't handle being beaten by a girl, so a guy with shaved legs is either a swimmer, cyclist or triathlete. mmm mmm.

That is alright. Would you wantto be around or date an unfit male. No, you take care of your temple and so should they. Thru the mind, fitness, and grooming.

I actually get more unhealth females hitting on me then fit ones. Like the sun is shining on their **** or they have won the lottery. I have nothing again unfit ppl, they are made for each other. Just not myself......

Memph

 

[SquadraSF]

Originally posted by Guest
quoted from http://www.s1webdesign.com/humor.htm

To help prevent from becoming objects of ridicule, here are 10 basic rules that if you adhere to faithfully, cycling dorkdom may never apply to you!

1. Never never never ever wear a mirror on your helmet. This one small thing will immediately put you in a major make-fun of position. Now, of course, some riders who live in major metro areas need a mirror when riding in traffic. But you if you choose this little glass helmet add-on, you will still be categorized immediately as a major stay-away-from dork.

2. For goodness sake, stop wearing Mercatone Uno or any other pro cycling apparel unless you perhaps actually ride for a pro team! Not many things will cause so many rolled eyes as a rider who shows up for a group ride completely decked out, from helmet to socks in some pro teams kit. YOU may think it is cool, but it is a major, major sign of dorkism. The only time this is allowed is when you are riding solo, and then only when no other riders will see you.

3. Replace your 6-year old Bell helmet. The alarm bells go off instantaneously when a rider with a Bell Vector or some such antique helmet rolls up. Eeeeeeeek!

4. PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEZ take your cycling shoes off sometime within, oh, 3 or 4 hours after you are done riding. Do not clatter all over the parking lot, registration, awards ceremony (EGAD!) with your cycling shoes on. Besides the obvious signs of dorkism, YOUR CLEATS ARE WEARING OUT!

5. GET OUT of your cycling shorts sometime within a week or so of completing your ride. Standing around the parking lot chatting for hours after your ride in your shorts (and shoes probably) is a big NO NO. Let me ask you this, do you see Lance hours after a race still with his shorts on ? UMMMM. NO. Pros immediately get out of their cycling clothes upon completion of the ride. For good reason. It is a good way to get saddle sores, not even counting the dork points you will pile up doing this.

6. NEVER BUY A "BIKE BRA". Only shop owners and rich snobs who ride C-40's and go slow use these. Bugs on your bike are a part of life dammit!

7. DO NOT tuck your jersey into you shorts when you ride. Umm, a bike jersey was not made to be tucked in, hello, the pockets on the back and such? Geeeeeeeeeeeeez.

8. SHAVE YOUR LEGS! Hairy legs are a monster giveaway to either being a major cycling dork, or, perhaps a victim of a very domineering wife.

9. DO NOT loudly describe to your friends after the ride how you "hammered" but then were dropped and finished 37th.

10. ROADIES w/ Camelbacks. Ummmmmm.. no..Acceptable only for RAAM riders and MTB, if you must.


10a. And last but not least: The dreaded Chainring mark. These black greasy nasty marks consist of a chainring impression upon the calve. Amazingly, Cat 4's and citizens never seem to see these marks, riding and walking around parking lots (in their cleats, of course) decorated with these tattoes of cycling dorkdom proudly displayed.

- nothing dorky about wearing "part" of a team kit.
- an absolute beginner who is already shaving his legs is more poseur then dork.
- an "antique" helmet is more then adequate and a sign of a veteran rider who didn't start riding just because he saw LA at TDF.
- finally, the "chainring tattoo". i'll never understand why some folks see this as a sign of dorkdome. it means you were rushing out the door and through some grease on before wiping it down properly, or you decided to re-grease your chain on the fly. does this not beat the alternative?????? i'm talking about the dork who rides around with a rattle in his chain so loud you can't even hear the traffic around you. IMO, there is NOTHING wrong with the calf tattoo.

 

[Commander]

This list of attributes of cycling dorks is perfect! The only one I am currently in violation of is the shaving of legs. I actually thought I would be considered a dork or professional cyclist wannabe if I shaved them. Maybe next spring I'll take care of it. I would like to reiterate that Camelbacks are for dorks period. Haven't you noticed how insulting the commercials are to our intelligence? People who use camelbacks for cycling OR jogging are in a fantasy world where they think they are outfitted for an expedition in an extreme environment. So you only have two water bottle cages on your bike and you are doing a 40+ mile ride...either stop off at a place of business or even resort to riding up into someone's yard and turn on their garden hose to fill up your bottles. I would much rather have to explain using a stranges hose without permission to the police, than have to explain why I have a water pack strapped on my back. Hey while you're at it why not strap on a giant Super-Soaker to your back as well where you can periodically hose yourself off to cool down?

Originally posted by Guest
quoted from http://www.s1webdesign.com/humor.htm

To help prevent from becoming objects of ridicule, here are 10 basic rules that if you adhere to faithfully, cycling dorkdom may never apply to you!

1. Never never never ever wear a mirror on your helmet. This one small thing will immediately put you in a major make-fun of position. Now, of course, some riders who live in major metro areas need a mirror when riding in traffic. But you if you choose this little glass helmet add-on, you will still be categorized immediately as a major stay-away-from dork.

2. For goodness sake, stop wearing Mercatone Uno or any other pro cycling apparel unless you perhaps actually ride for a pro team! Not many things will cause so many rolled eyes as a rider who shows up for a group ride completely decked out, from helmet to socks in some pro teams kit. YOU may think it is cool, but it is a major, major sign of dorkism. The only time this is allowed is when you are riding solo, and then only when no other riders will see you.

3. Replace your 6-year old Bell helmet. The alarm bells go off instantaneously when a rider with a Bell Vector or some such antique helmet rolls up. Eeeeeeeek!

4. PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEZ take your cycling shoes off sometime within, oh, 3 or 4 hours after you are done riding. Do not clatter all over the parking lot, registration, awards ceremony (EGAD!) with your cycling shoes on. Besides the obvious signs of dorkism, YOUR CLEATS ARE WEARING OUT!

5. GET OUT of your cycling shorts sometime within a week or so of completing your ride. Standing around the parking lot chatting for hours after your ride in your shorts (and shoes probably) is a big NO NO. Let me ask you this, do you see Lance hours after a race still with his shorts on ? UMMMM. NO. Pros immediately get out of their cycling clothes upon completion of the ride. For good reason. It is a good way to get saddle sores, not even counting the dork points you will pile up doing this.

6. NEVER BUY A "BIKE BRA". Only shop owners and rich snobs who ride C-40's and go slow use these. Bugs on your bike are a part of life dammit!

7. DO NOT tuck your jersey into you shorts when you ride. Umm, a bike jersey was not made to be tucked in, hello, the pockets on the back and such? Geeeeeeeeeeeeez.

8. SHAVE YOUR LEGS! Hairy legs are a monster giveaway to either being a major cycling dork, or, perhaps a victim of a very domineering wife.

9. DO NOT loudly describe to your friends after the ride how you "hammered" but then were dropped and finished 37th.

10. ROADIES w/ Camelbacks. Ummmmmm.. no..Acceptable only for RAAM riders and MTB, if you must.


10a. And last but not least: The dreaded Chainring mark. These black greasy nasty marks consist of a chainring impression upon the calve. Amazingly, Cat 4's and citizens never seem to see these marks, riding and walking around parking lots (in their cleats, of course) decorated with these tattoes of cycling dorkdom proudly displayed.

 

[halfmutt]

Originally posted by Commander
This list of attributes of cycling dorks is perfect! The only one I am currently in violation of is the shaving of legs. I actually thought I would be considered a dork or professional cyclist wannabe if I shaved them. Maybe next spring I'll take care of it. I would like to reiterate that Camelbacks are for dorks period. Haven't you noticed how insulting the commercials are to our intelligence? People who use camelbacks for cycling OR jogging are in a fantasy world where they think they are outfitted for an expedition in an extreme environment. So you only have two water bottle cages on your bike and you are doing a 40+ mile ride...either stop off at a place of business or even resort to riding up into someone's yard and turn on their garden hose to fill up your bottles. I would much rather have to explain using a stranges hose without permission to the police, than have to explain why I have a water pack strapped on my back. Hey while you're at it why not strap on a giant Super-Soaker to your back as well where you can periodically hose yourself off to cool down?

 

[chris2002]

This is just stupid. A Dork is a Dork. You can't make a checklist. If you make or read and then worry about such a checklist, then you too, are a DORK!

Seriously, some people are cool and some are dorks. Most are somewhere in between.

Deal with it.

 

[halfmutt]

OK, I'm a computer dork and most likely a cycling dork also.
Anyway: If shaving legs is indeed for improved wound healing after a crash, then I have some questions.
1. Isn't hair the least of your concerns? What about that ugly, star shaped wound on your torso caused by the fractured end of your femur?
2. Shouldn't you shave your arms also or are they just mysteriously immune to abrasions?
3. If crashing is so rampant, then why don't "THEY" invent some cool, lightweight, tough fabric that will protect against road rash?
4. Why don't other people at risk of abrasions shave their legs...
... Mt. bikers?
... Mt. climbers?
... Hikers?
... People who paint stripes on highways?
... People who work in sandpaper factories?
... Santa Claus and his helpers?
... Sanitation workers?
... Arborists?

out

 

[chris2002]

Originally posted by halfmutt
OK, I'm a computer dork and most likely a cycling dork also.
Anyway: If shaving legs is indeed for improved wound healing after a crash, then I have some questions.
1. Isn't hair the least of your concerns? What about that ugly, star shaped wound on your torso caused by the fractured end of your femur?
2. Shouldn't you shave your arms also or are they just mysteriously immune to abrasions?
3. If crashing is so rampant, then why don't "THEY" invent some cool, lightweight, tough fabric that will protect against road rash?
4. Why don't other people at risk of abrasions shave their legs...
... Mt. bikers?
... Mt. climbers?
... Hikers?
... People who paint stripes on highways?
... People who work in sandpaper factories?
... Santa Claus and his helpers?
... Sanitation workers?
... Arborists?

out

Regarding the shaving issue...

Anyone that tell you they are shaving because of "road rash" is really shaving in order to be "cool". The reason I started to shave was that during my first trip to Europe on my bike, I started to get some rash and skin problems around the inner thighs. I was told that shaving would alleviate that problem. It worked. I am used to it now, so that is why I do it. FWIW, I have shaved my arms several times over the years. If I need to put sun tan lotion on my arms, I usually shave them. The thing is, I don't always need lotion. Since I bike all year 'round, I often have enough of a tan that builds up so that I don't risk sun burn. If I do shave them, I only need to do it once per season since a little bit of growth is ok, but the really long stuff is a hassle. I guess I am "blessed" with very hairy limbs. I do not feel guilty for shaving and I don't care whether you do or not.

 

[Memphmann]

Originally posted by chris2002
Regarding the shaving issue...

Anyone that tell you they are shaving because of "road rash" is really shaving in order to be "cool". The reason I started to shave was that during my first trip to Europe on my bike, I started to get some rash and skin problems around the inner thighs. I was told that shaving would alleviate that problem. It worked. I am used to it now, so that is why I do it. FWIW, I have shaved my arms several times over the years. If I need to put sun tan lotion on my arms, I usually shave them. The thing is, I don't always need lotion. Since I bike all year 'round, I often have enough of a tan that builds up so that I don't risk sun burn. If I do shave them, I only need to do it once per season since a little bit of growth is ok, but the really long stuff is a hassle. I guess I am "blessed" with very hairy limbs. I do not feel guilty for shaving and I don't care whether you do or not.

I also shave my legs and arms, not because it is cool or other cyclists do it. I shave because I like the way it looks and feels on myself. I spend so much time in the sun, the arms and legs go a wonderful brown.

All I know, it is funny noticing some over weight middle aged guy with shaved legs. Like he could go fast enough to hurt himself if he fell........

Memph

 

[jitteringjr]

I'm a #8,10, and 10a dork

I won't shave. I might be a dork for 10 hours on the bike a week, but I'm not a dork for the other 158 hours in the week when I am off the bike walking around with shaved legs. In some countries it might be cool, but not where I live. Not to mention the hassle of shaving all the time.

Camelback, yes In Virginia when its 100F outside and I'm on a 30 mile ride, I like to have cold water quenching my thirst. For me, that is worth being a dork.

The chainring mark. How do I keep getting this??? Man I can't get to scubbing it off soon enough.

 

[halfmutt]

Originally posted by Memphmann
I also shave my legs and arms, not because it is cool or other cyclists do it. I shave because I like the way it looks and feels on myself. I spend so much time in the sun, the arms and legs go a wonderful brown.

All I know, it is funny noticing some over weight middle aged guy with shaved legs. Like he could go fast enough to hurt himself if he fell........

Memph

You could have persisted with the wound healing angle, or even diverted to the aerodynamics argument, but auto-eroticism? As we say down here, " I don't believe I'd'a told that."

out

 

[Memphmann]

Originally posted by jitteringjr
I'm a #8,10, and 10a dork

I won't shave. I might be a dork for 10 hours on the bike a week, but I'm not a dork for the other 158 hours in the week when I am off the bike walking around with shaved legs. In some countries it might be cool, but not where I live. Not to mention the hassle of shaving all the time.

Camelback, yes In Virginia when its 100F outside and I'm on a 30 mile ride, I like to have cold water quenching my thirst. For me, that is worth being a dork.

The chainring mark. How do I keep getting this??? Man I can't get to scubbing it off soon enough.

It is not a hassle to look good. If you do not shave, then your legs are worth hiding.

30 mile is that it. It also gets just as hot if not hotter when I ride 75-90 miles. I go thru 8 bottles, 4 on bike and get 4 more from a friends along the route. Would be a pain in the **** to wait and refill camelback.....

Memph