Bicycle Mechanic Humor

Discussion in 'Cycling Equipment' started by Phil Holman, Nov 12, 2003.

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  1. Phil Holman

    Phil Holman Guest

    You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
    moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape. This may be a test for some but the rest of you should at
    least crack a smile.

    Phil Holman
     
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  2. In article <[email protected]>, Phil Holman
    <[email protected]> wrote:
    >You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
    >moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape. This may be a test for some but the rest of you should at
    >least crack a smile.

    If you want to fix it right use a coaster-brake arm strap!

    And who ever heard of a mechanic who didn't have a Schwinn Tool?

    --Paul
     
  3. Mike S.

    Mike S. Guest

    "Paul Southworth" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:QwAsb.38249$A%[email protected]...
    > In article <[email protected]>, Phil Holman
    > <[email protected]> wrote:
    > >You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
    > >moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape. This may be a test for some but the rest of you should at
    > >least crack a smile.
    >
    > If you want to fix it right use a coaster-brake arm strap!
    >
    > And who ever heard of a mechanic who didn't have a Schwinn Tool?
    >
    > --Paul

    I've got a Ford tool. Its shaped a lot like a ball peen hammer. Is a Schwinn tool anything
    like that?

    Mike
     
  4. Mike S. <[email protected]> wrote:
    : I've got a Ford tool. Its shaped a lot like a ball peen hammer. Is a Schwinn tool anything
    : like that?

    no, that's a mountain bike repair kit. a schwinn tool, iirc, is a rubber mallet.
    --
    david reuteler [email protected]
     
  5. In article <[email protected]>, David Reuteler
    <[email protected]> wrote:
    >Mike S. <[email protected]> wrote:
    >: I've got a Ford tool. Its shaped a lot like a ball peen hammer. Is a Schwinn tool anything
    >: like that?
    >
    >no, that's a mountain bike repair kit. a schwinn tool, iirc, is a rubber mallet.

    I'm sure it varies as there is no official lexicon but in the shops I learned in (not Schwinn
    shops incidentally) it was a 4-pound steel mallet. AKA the Huffy Tool, depending on which POS is
    in front of you.

    --Paul
     
  6. Ant

    Ant Guest

    "Phil Holman" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:<[email protected]>...
    > You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape.

    Whoops. and there was me thinking all you needed was electrical tape and zip ties.

    and a hammer;)

    anthony
     
  7. Werehatrack

    Werehatrack Guest

    On Wed, 12 Nov 2003 23:56:05 GMT, "Phil Holman" <[email protected]> may have said:

    >You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
    >moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape. This may be a test for some but the rest of you should at
    >least crack a smile.

    You forgot the third important tool: a Bigger Hammer. If something's the wrong shape, or if WD40
    won't get it to move, then you need the Bigger Hammer.

    Of course, well-equipped shops also have a screwdriver and a pair of vice-grips. The former is used
    for mounting tires, and the latter is used to clamp the holes shut so the tubes don't leak. (The
    vice-grips are also handy to use as a convenient method of clamping a short roll of duct tape to the
    front of the head tube for emergency repairs in the field.)

    --
    My email address is antispammed; pull WEEDS if replying via e-mail. Yes, I have a killfile. If I
    don't respond to something, it's also possible that I'm busy. Words processed in a facility that
    contains nuts.
     
  8. Jeff Wills

    Jeff Wills Guest

    "Phil Holman" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:<[email protected]>...
    > You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
    > moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape. This may be a test for some but the rest of you should at
    > least crack a smile.
    >
    > Phil Holman

    Fiddlesticks.

    If it doesn't move and it should, get a bigger hammer.

    Archimedes' principle: with a big enough lever, I can mount an EA-3 tire on an S-6 rim.

    Jeff
     
  9. Mark Janeba

    Mark Janeba Guest

    Paul Southworth wrote:
    > I'm sure it varies as there is no official lexicon but in the shops I learned in (not Schwinn
    > shops incidentally) it was a 4-pound steel mallet. AKA the Huffy Tool, depending on which POS is
    > in front of you.

    I was taught that it was called a B.F.H. tool. It didn't take me long to guess what was intended by
    the initials.

    Mark Janeba
     
  10. Simon Brooke

    Simon Brooke Guest

    "Phil Holman" <[email protected]> writes:

    > You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
    > moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

    Don't be seduced by the dark side of the duct tape, Luke.

    --
    [email protected] (Simon Brooke) http://www.jasmine.org.uk/~simon/

    ;; When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
     
  11. Two other good tools: The slitter punch and the sledge hammer...

    The best spare part: "coil screw" (= wire)...

    []'s Eduardo
    --

    Ypê Bike: http://www.ypebike.cjb.net/ Ypê Mono: http://www.ype.unicyclist.com/

    "Simon Brooke" <[email protected]> escreveu na mensagem
    news:[email protected]...
    > "Phil Holman" <[email protected]> writes:
    >
    > > You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
    > > moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
    >
    > Don't be seduced by the dark side of the duct tape, Luke.
    >
    > --
    > [email protected] (Simon Brooke) http://www.jasmine.org.uk/~simon/
    >
    > ;; When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

    ---
    Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
    Version: 6.0.538 / Virus Database: 333 - Release Date: 10/11/2003
     
  12. John Everett

    John Everett Guest

  13. Quoth Jeff Wills:

    > If it doesn't move and it should, get a bigger hammer.

    I prefer the more elegant term "Inertial Impact Alignment Instrument"

    Use of this tool is called "Cold Setting."

    Sheldon "Thor" Brown +------------------------------------------------------------------+
    | Also, are you familiar with the PTF-PTM manufacturing technique? | (This term comes from the
    | bridge-building industry.) Stands for | "pound to fit, paint to match." --Steve Palincsar |
    +------------------------------------------------------------------+ Harris Cyclery, West Newton,
    Massachusetts Phone 617-244-9772 FAX 617-244-1041 http://harriscyclery.com Hard-to-find parts
    shipped Worldwide http://captainbike.com http://sheldonbrown.com
     
  14. Werehatrack

    Werehatrack Guest

    On Wed, 12 Nov 2003 17:19:13 -0800, "Mike S." <[email protected]> may have said:

    >
    >"Paul Southworth" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    >news:QwAsb.38249$A%[email protected]...
    >> In article <[email protected]>, Phil Holman
    >> <[email protected]> wrote:
    >> >You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
    >> >moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape. This may be a test for some but the rest of you should
    >> >at least crack a smile.
    >>
    >> If you want to fix it right use a coaster-brake arm strap!
    >>
    >> And who ever heard of a mechanic who didn't have a Schwinn Tool?
    >>
    >> --Paul
    >
    >I've got a Ford tool. Its shaped a lot like a ball peen hammer. Is a Schwinn tool anything
    >like that?

    My Ford tool looks like a monkey wrench. It even has the Ford emblem on it.

    Now, my Pierce-Arrow tool looks like a combination-end wrench, but it works better as a hammer; it's
    a very convenient size and weight to use for that purpose.

    My Chevy tool got stolen, unfortunately. I still wonder what they did with the thermite from it.

    --
    My email address is antispammed; pull WEEDS if replying via e-mail. Yes, I have a killfile. If I
    don't respond to something, it's also possible that I'm busy. Words processed in a facility that
    contains nuts.
     
  15. Werehatrack

    Werehatrack Guest

    On Thu, 13 Nov 2003 06:30:09 GMT, Mark Janeba <[email protected]> may have said:

    >Paul Southworth wrote:
    >> I'm sure it varies as there is no official lexicon but in the shops I learned in (not Schwinn
    >> shops incidentally) it was a 4-pound steel mallet. AKA the Huffy Tool, depending on which POS is
    >> in front of you.
    >
    >I was taught that it was called a B.F.H. tool. It didn't take me long to guess what was intended by
    >the initials.

    When queried, of course, the answer is "Brute Force Hammer" or "Breakage Facilitation Hammer",
    depending upon the circumstances.

    --
    My email address is antispammed; pull WEEDS if replying via e-mail. Yes, I have a killfile. If I
    don't respond to something, it's also possible that I'm busy. Words processed in a facility that
    contains nuts.
     
  16. Rick Onanian

    Rick Onanian Guest

    On Thu, 13 Nov 2003 10:05:14 GMT, Simon Brooke <[email protected]> wrote:
    >"Phil Holman" <[email protected]> writes:
    >> You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
    >> moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
    >
    >Don't be seduced by the dark side of the duct tape, Luke.

    Duct tape is good. WD-40 is the dark side.
    --
    Rick "Quack?" Onanian
     
  17. Jim Feeley

    Jim Feeley Guest

    Sheldon Brown <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:<[email protected]>...

    > I prefer the more elegant term "Inertial Impact Alignment Instrument"

    In one of the shops I worked at we would call a hammear a "quick wrench." Don't know how many others
    use the term.

    Jim Feeley
     
  18. Kapers

    Kapers Guest

    Strangely, just about everyone I have worked with in the industry, when asked to "hand me the
    Persuader" will give me a hammer. Works in both the Bicycle and Ski/Snowboard Industries.

    Keith

    "The knack lies in learning to throw yourself
    - at the ground and miss" Douglas Adams.

    "Simon Brooke" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > "Phil Holman" <[email protected]> writes:
    >
    > > You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
    > > moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
    >
    > Don't be seduced by the dark side of the duct tape, Luke.
    >
    > --
    > [email protected] (Simon Brooke) http://www.jasmine.org.uk/~simon/
    >
    > ;; When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
     
  19. G.Daniels

    G.Daniels Guest

    your bike's worn out... we can order it... wanna meet my little sister... come back ina week... you
    want it in black? it doesn't come in... but!!! sure we got it, common down... my idiot sold it a
    few... the odor came in but.. there are no more parts for this bike. let me... put my hand in
    your... oh, you need a new bike. THEY stoped making ... no, but i have a chromed italian model...
    (just over gonnerhea) for only(expletive deleted) hello? John, about the bike... no, you didn't! do
    you have the receipt? your turn!!
     
  20. J2

    J2 Guest

    "Paul Southworth" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:AzBsb.38250$A%[email protected]...
    > I'm sure it varies as there is no official lexicon but in the shops I learned in (not Schwinn
    > shops incidentally) it was a 4-pound steel mallet. AKA the Huffy Tool, depending on which POS is
    > in front of

    I always though a 4 pound hammer was Land Rover Tool #1

    J2
     
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