Boiled Sausage

[Sillyoldtwit]

A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead.
"Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!"

At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead.
"Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?"
"Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse.

Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, "did you p r i c k his boil?"
"OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the nurse

 

[roadhouse]

Janey was walking down North Main Street in Danville. As she walked past the delicatessen, she glanced into the shop window. There, nestled in amongst the salami, was a sign proclaiming "Fresh from Warsaw-World's Largest Sausage."
Hanging on a large hook above it, was the most enormous sausage she had ever seen. It must've been at least eight inches in diameter, and two feet long.
"That's a two-man zeppelin, not a sausage," she thought. "Oh well, I'll try anything once."
So she walked into the shop, heaved the 20 lb. monster down off the hook and, plunking it down on the counter, presented it to the shopkeeper, who immediately wrestled it onto the machine and started slicing it up.
"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" cried Janey in dismay. "What do you think I am? A slot machine?"

 

[roadhouse]

A man goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "You must be Polish" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something." " If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian?" "Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?" " Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?" "Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well, no." "And If I'd asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?" " Well, I probably wouldn't." "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot."