Breaking the good news?

Discussion in 'Mountain Bikes' started by Gyp, Apr 29, 2003.

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  1. Gyp

    Gyp Guest

    Hi

    I'm wanting to spend "a lot" of money on a new bike and I was wondering if anyone has any useful
    tips or advice on how to get this past the tother half.

    Afriad the only method I've found that worked in the past isjsut buying stuff and then taking the
    flak. But I figure somebody must have come up with a more subtle method?

    Gyp
     
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  2. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    Gyp <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Hi
    >
    > I'm wanting to spend "a lot" of money on a new bike and I was wondering if anyone has any useful
    > tips or advice on how to get this past the tother half.
    >
    > Afriad the only method I've found that worked in the past isjsut buying stuff and then taking the
    > flak. But I figure somebody must have come up with a more subtle method?
    >
    > Gyp

    This 'ere, wot I'm gonna write below in a second, is wot ya gottz to do:

    Right, buy her amazing flowers, pour her good wine, make her good food, make her good love, wrap her
    in your heart, make her feel more loved and pampered and special than ever before, then, go out and
    buy her something of the same value as the bike you want.

    HTH - HAND!

    Shaun aRe - _It *never* fails_.
     
  3. Gyp wrote:
    >
    > Hi
    >
    > I'm wanting to spend "a lot" of money on a new bike and I was wondering if anyone has any useful
    > tips or advice on how to get this past the tother half.

    Couples counseling? I'm not kidding.

    _Honestly_ ask youself, can we afford to buy the bike? If not, don't buy it. If so, and you'll get
    guff for buying it, you have some real relationship problems to work out.

    I've known many people that had major relationship money problems. Most of them were people who
    bought stuff they really couldn't afford, leaving the other with no money to make a mortgage / rent
    / other important bill payment.

    I've known too many guys that told their wives and girlfriends that something at their house, that
    belonged to them, was MINE, because they didn't want to catch crap for buying it. One time, I got
    long term use of ae inexpensive power tool by asking her to give me "my" tool back.
    <G>

    What has worked for 14 years with my wife is budgeted _personal spending money_. Within our monthly
    budget is cash set aside for each of us that we can use as we wish, no questions asked. This cash is
    after the mortgage, utilities, household savings, food, entertainment, etc... are paid. If I want
    something like a new bike, I save up my money and buy it, she saves up hers for Kripalu Yoga
    retreats. I can then show her my new bike and she is happy to see me ride it. <G> I also work a few
    hours at my LBS, which provides more personal money for me.

    It all comes down to genuine honesty, to yourself, and to the other half.

    Barry
     
  4. Shaun R says:

    >Right, buy her amazing flowers, pour her good wine, make her good food, make her good love, wrap
    >her in your heart, make her feel more loved and pampered and special than ever before, then, go out
    >and buy her something of the same value as the bike you want.
    >

    While this may work _once_, it is a very expensive way to get wehat you want. And it does only work
    that one time. The next time you try it you will be asked what you are after......... Personally, I
    have always found begging and whining and grovelling to be the most effective long-term solution to
    this problem. ;-)

    Steve
     
  5. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    Stephen Baker <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > Shaun R says:
    >
    > >Right, buy her amazing flowers, pour her good wine, make her good food,
    make
    > >her good love, wrap her in your heart, make her feel more loved and
    pampered
    > >and special than ever before, then, go out and buy her something of the
    same
    > >value as the bike you want.
    > >
    >
    > While this may work _once_, it is a very expensive way to get wehat you
    want.
    > And it does only work that one time. The next time you try it you will be asked what you are
    > after......... Personally, I have always found begging and whining and grovelling to be
    the
    > most effective long-term solution to this problem. ;-)
    >
    > Steve

    I sense you may have heard a 'Woosh!' ?

    Shaun aRe
     
  6. John G

    John G Guest

    Gyp wrote:
    > I figure somebody must have come up with a more subtle method?

    "Shut-up, b!thc!"
     
  7. Michael Dart

    Michael Dart Guest

    "Gyp" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Hi
    >
    > I'm wanting to spend "a lot" of money on a new bike and I was wondering if anyone has any useful
    > tips or advice on how to get this past the tother half.
    >
    > Afriad the only method I've found that worked in the past isjsut buying stuff and then taking the
    > flak. But I figure somebody must have come up with a more subtle method?
    >
    > Gyp
    >

    A long time ago we got separate joint checking accounts. Her money became her money and my money
    became my money. I don't give her guff for spending it on what she wants and she doesn't me. Now if
    I can just get the IRS to see it that way!!!!

    Mike - $3000+ marriage penalty tax this year.
     
  8. Michael Dart

    Michael Dart Guest

    "John G" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    >
    >
    > Gyp wrote:
    > > I figure somebody must have come up with a more subtle method?
    >
    > "Shut-up, b!thc!"
    >

    On the inside! ;^)

    Mike - Ooookay pookie I won't buy 'another' shiny new bike!
     
  9. Gyp <[email protected]> wrote
    >
    > I'm wanting to spend "a lot" of money on a new bike and I was wondering if anyone has any useful
    > tips or advice on how to get this past the tother half.
    >
    > Afriad the only method I've found that worked in the past isjsut buying stuff and then taking
    > the flak.

    I've met plenty of guys who, when away from their wife/girlfriend, spend all their time complaining
    about her. The whole "ball and chain" thing. I never could figure that out, and it always
    drastically lowers my regard for a person to hear them slag somebody off like this behind their
    back. There's nothing in the world more pathetic than a grown man still acting like a frat boy.

    CC
     
  10. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    Corvus Corvax <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > Gyp <[email protected]> wrote
    > >
    > > I'm wanting to spend "a lot" of money on a new bike and I was wondering if anyone has any useful
    > > tips or advice on how to get this past the tother half.
    > >
    > > Afriad the only method I've found that worked in the past isjsut buying stuff and then taking
    > > the flak.
    >

    >
    > I've met plenty of guys who, when away from their wife/girlfriend, spend all their time
    > complaining about her. The whole "ball and chain" thing. I never could figure that out, and it
    > always drastically lowers my regard for a person to hear them slag somebody off like this
    > behind their back. There's nothing in the world more pathetic than a grown man still acting
    > like a frat boy.

    I take your point Corvus, and I agree wholeheartedly, however, do you really think that's what this
    guy was about here? Not the impression I got from the post.

    Shaun aRe
     
  11. Jan Sacharuk

    Jan Sacharuk Guest

    In article <[email protected]>, Shaun Rimmer wrote:

    > This 'ere, wot I'm gonna write below in a second, is wot ya gottz to do:
    >
    > Right, buy her amazing flowers, pour her good wine, make her good food, make her good love, wrap
    > her in your heart, make her feel more loved and pampered and special than ever before, then, go
    > out and buy her something of the same value as the bike you want.

    In my experience, this doesn't really work unless you're lovey-dovey like that all the time. The
    second the flowers arrive, they know something is up.

    JS

    --
    ========================= [email protected] ========================
    Jan Sacharuk Member in Good Standing of The Discordian Solidarity Turn on viewing of the X-Geek-Code
    header to see my Geek Code
    -----------------------------------------------------------------
    voluntas vincit omnia.
     
  12. Gabrielle

    Gabrielle Guest

    On Tue, 29 Apr 2003 04:01:46 -0700, B a r r y B u r k e J r . wrote:

    > What has worked for 14 years with my wife is budgeted _personal spending money_. Within our
    > monthly budget is cash set aside for each of us that we can use as we wish, no questions asked.
    > This cash is after the mortgage, utilities, household savings, food, entertainment, etc... are
    > paid. If I want something like a new bike, I save up my money and buy it, she saves up hers for
    > Kripalu Yoga retreats. I can then show her my new bike and she is happy to see me ride it. <G> I
    > also work a few hours at my LBS, which provides more personal money for me.
    >
    > It all comes down to genuine honesty, to yourself, and to the other half.

    What he said.

    Really, if I was worried about "getting it past the other half", it would be a very large blinking
    neon sign to me that something very wrong was going on.

    gabrielle
     
  13. John G

    John G Guest

    Michael Dart wrote:

    > Mike - Ooookay pookie I won't buy 'another' shiny new bike!

    "Untill I get us our tandem"........
     
  14. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    Jan Sacharuk <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > In article <[email protected]>, Shaun Rimmer wrote:
    >
    > > This 'ere, wot I'm gonna write below in a second, is wot ya gottz to do:
    > >
    > > Right, buy her amazing flowers, pour her good wine, make her good food,
    make
    > > her good love, wrap her in your heart, make her feel more loved and
    pampered
    > > and special than ever before, then, go out and buy her something of the
    same
    > > value as the bike you want.
    >
    > In my experience, this doesn't really work unless you're lovey-dovey like that all the time. The
    > second the flowers arrive, they know something is up.
    >
    > JS

    I think I shall have to chalk that one down as a 'whoosh!' too, heheheheheh...

    I was being flippant, somewhat sarcastic, in that all the 'foreplay' makes no odds - just give her
    the cash, heheheheh......

    Oh, and me? - I am a full time lover - buying flowers (or somesuch gesture) just because you've
    done something wrong, or because the calendar says it's the right day to do do so, is about as lame
    as it gets.

    Once had some rough words with a dumb woman in a florists over that - bought some roses for a girl
    'just because', and got accused of 'being in the dog house'. I explained the truth, but she wasn't
    having any of it: 'Heheheh, yeah, right, as if! You cheated on her or something? Heheheh..' she
    scornfully mocked. I told her that with a shitty attitude like that and her looks, no wonder she'd
    never had a better experience of men, smiled largely, and walked out the door chuckling at her
    devastated expression.

    Shaun aRe - Good at being a bastard when the time is right ',;~}~
     
  15. Jd

    Jd Guest

    Gyp <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
    > Hi
    >
    > I'm wanting to spend "a lot" of money on a new bike and I was wondering if anyone has any useful
    > tips or advice on how to get this past the tother half.

    Grow a pair.

    JD
     
  16. Penny S.

    Penny S. Guest

    "Gyp" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Hi
    >
    > I'm wanting to spend "a lot" of money on a new bike and I was wondering if anyone has any useful
    > tips or advice on how to get this past the tother half.
    >
    > Afriad the only method I've found that worked in the past isjsut buying stuff and then taking the
    > flak. But I figure somebody must have come up with a more subtle method?
    >
    > Gyp

    grow up and deal with things that cost money in a responsible, open, communicative manner?

    Seriously, read some of the relationship wisdom being posted here.

    I'll add my own. Hopefully you and your SO have extra $$ to play with once in a while, If not then
    forget the bike. the way it works at my house, we support each others passions that have occasional
    $$ outlays, when there is the money to do it. He may need new skis and boots or a Goretex drysuit, I
    may need a new bike. The new bike had to wait for the tax refund check, and he was very supportive
    of me spending more than **I** had originally budgeted...but we talked about it, I communicated my
    budget and why I needed to spend that much, and then I had to wait until we had it, without a need
    for it to go elsewhere.

    penny
     
  17. Penny S.

    Penny S. Guest

    "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    >
    > Corvus Corvax <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]...
    > > Gyp <[email protected]> wrote
    > > >
    > > > I'm wanting to spend "a lot" of money on a new bike and I was
    wondering
    > > > if anyone has any useful tips or advice on how to get this past the tother half.
    > > >
    > > > Afriad the only method I've found that worked in the past isjsut
    buying
    > > > stuff and then taking the flak.
    > >

    > >
    > > I've met plenty of guys who, when away from their wife/girlfriend, spend all their time
    > > complaining about her. The whole "ball and chain" thing. I never could figure that out, and it
    > > always drastically lowers my regard for a person to hear them slag somebody off like this
    > > behind their back. There's nothing in the world more pathetic than a grown man still acting
    > > like a frat boy.
    >
    > I take your point Corvus, and I agree wholeheartedly, however, do you
    really
    > think that's what this guy was about here? Not the impression I got from
    the
    > post.
    >
    >

    I dunno, the whole thing sounded pretty immature to me. "get this past the other half" and "just
    buying stuff and taking the flak" are not indicators of a mature relationship.

    Penny
     
  18. Bomba

    Bomba Guest

    Shaun Rimmer wrote:

    > Oh, and me? - I am a full time lover - buying flowers (or somesuch gesture) just because you've
    > done something wrong, or because the calendar says it's the right day to do do so, is about as
    > lame as it gets.

    Presactly. I explain this all the time, although mostly after I've forgotten Valentine's,
    anniversary, birthday, Xmas... ;)

    > Once had some rough words with a dumb woman in a florists over that - bought some roses for a girl
    > 'just because', and got accused of 'being in the dog house'. I explained the truth, but she wasn't
    > having any of it: 'Heheheh, yeah, right, as if! You cheated on her or something? Heheheh..' she
    > scornfully mocked. I told her that with a shitty attitude like that and her looks, no wonder she'd
    > never had a better experience of men, smiled largely, and walked out the door chuckling at her
    > devastated expression.

    Nice. Ya silver-tongued smoothie, you...

    --
    a.m-b FAQ: http://www.t-online.de/~jharris/ambfaq.htm

    b.bmx FAQ: http://www.t-online.de/~jharris/bmx_faq.htm
     
  19. Paladin

    Paladin Guest

    Gyp <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
    > Hi
    >
    > I'm wanting to spend "a lot" of money on a new bike and I was wondering if anyone has any useful
    > tips or advice on how to get this past the tother half.
    >
    > Afriad the only method I've found that worked in the past isjsut buying stuff and then taking the
    > flak. But I figure somebody must have come up with a more subtle method?
    >
    > Gyp

    This is a complex question that can't be answered very well without knowing a lot more about
    you guys. But I'm guilty of dragging a lot of husbands into the sport, and so have given advice
    in the past.

    First, if you're not doing a lot of other things,

    Mtbiking is a fairly cheap sport. Compared to golf, we don't have green fees, it doesn't have to
    take so long, you don't have to dress up like Rodney Dangerfield,

    Second, the fitness benefits are great, and you will probably lose weight, have more energy, smile
    more, be a better guy all around. Eventually your wife will like this part of the sport, at least.

    Third, if you're looking for an outdoors activity that the 2 of you can do together, that helps the
    sales pitch considerably. If you're wanting to dump a lot of money into a new hobby so you can leave
    her alone with the kids for longer stretches than normal, that will be harder to sell.

    Fourth, the maintenance costs are so much cheaper than 4-wheeling, snowmobiling, or all those other
    manly arts you could be taking up. I spend about $300 to $500 per year keeping 3 bikes running well,
    and that's pretty much it. There's no limit to what you can spend to look like a fully decked gay
    roadie, but hey, all you really need are some shorts, a jersey or two, some gloves, a helmet, a
    hydration pack, and some tools. You can do all that for around $250, as a pretty much 1-time deal.

    Fifth, if all your friends are into hunting season, you can use the argument that I do, that I don't
    abandon the family for 2 weeks a year to go play cave-man up in the hills, but I schedule my times
    away from home early in the mornings, between work and dinner, etc., so the impact away from the
    family is somewhat minimized.

    Sixth, (and there are no doubt lots more), if your relationship is solid already, and you defer to
    her, respect her, and work on decisions together, then she should understand your desire to get
    outside, improve your fitness, hang with the guys in a non-strip club type setting, etc., and be in
    favor of your reasoned decision to take up a new sport.

    Mtnbiking recruited me out of the martial arts 10 yrs ago where I was spending 2-3 nights a week and
    every Saturday morning away from home. When I was home most nights I was banging on the bags out in
    the garage, anyway. My better half likes the difference with me home most nights, especially when I
    take her and/or the kids out with me on the bikes. They've come along on some riding trips & races
    to camp & hang by the lake, do the easier rides, etc.

    Hope some of this gives you the right idea that it should be worked out together. Decisions like
    this should be set on the table in front of you and dispassionately discussed in view of what is
    best for the marital unit. That way it's not you against her, but the 2 of you coming to a
    reasoned decision.

    Then go buy the bike.... Some say it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission, but be careful
    with that one!

    Paladin
     
  20. B. Sanders

    B. Sanders Guest

    "Gyp" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Hi
    >
    > I'm wanting to spend "a lot" of money on a new bike and I was wondering if anyone has any useful
    > tips or advice on how to get this past the tother half.

    Yeah, I have a foolproof method. My wife has zero problems with my excessive bike spending. Why?

    Because I search for incredible deals. I buy lightly-used high-end customized bikes for cheap (on
    Ebay and elsewhere), and sell off some of the parts to pay for the frame, or sell the frame to pay
    for the parts. It works beautifully. Many high-end bikes are purchased by city-dwellers who never
    have time to ride them. That's what I look for. Last year's big thing is this year's big bargain. If
    you're one of those who *must* have the latest gizmo, I'll be the one buying it from you when you
    need next year's gizmo.

    As I explained to my wife, I can turn around and sell any of my bikes for *more* than I have in them
    (and I've proven it several times). My bikes are therefore a *good investment*. She's glad that I
    have 8 bikes, and doesn't mind that I bought 3 of them in the past 2 months, including my sweet
    full-custom Aztec Gold 2001 Klein Attitude Race with a Marzocchi MXR fork, Thomson post, XT/RaceFace
    drivetrain, etc.

    Before you ask, yes, I always check to make sure I'm not buying "hot" merchandise. Sometimes - like
    when I bought a full-XTR 20lb Merlin hardtail for $550 on MTBR.com - I couldn't believe it was
    legit. But it was.

    Good luck,

    Barry
     
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