(If this is a bit harsh delete it please Steve/Vo2) 1. Tell your boss the reason you were late was because you fancied a shag before work. 2. Stumble back from lunch, two hours late, pissed as a fart chanting 'TEQUILA'. 3. Leave your CV up on screen when you go to lunch. 4. Wear your "I Love Robson & Jerome" tee-shirt on your first day. 5. Try and seduce the 16 year old work experience boy/girl. 7. Fart out last night's vindaloo during an appraisal and turn round to sniff the seat. 8. Photocopy your tits and pin them on the notice board. 9. Ask the chief executive for some Rizla's. 10. Start a fire in your bin when the office git refuse's to turn down the air conditioning. 11. Keep a picture of Fred & Rose West on your desk. 12. Grow a cannabis plant on your desk. 13. Tell the boss you'll "Send the boys round" - if she/he doesn't authorise your pay rise. 14. Admit you traded in your company car for a two week shag-fest in Ibiza. 15. Ring up in the morning and say 'I won't be in today, I'm still wasted from last night'. 16. Set up your own S&M dungeon in the stationery cupboard. (DM) 17. Bring a sleeping bag to work for those little afternoon naps! 18. Pawn your computer because you're skint 'til pay day. 19. Ask the boss's wife "Have you noticed that one of your husbands balls hangs lower than the other". 20. Spray "I can't be arsed" across your computer screen. 21. Call the boss to your desk, call him "Sonny" and tell him his work isn't up to scratch. 22. Start a one-man Mexican wave every time someone leaves their desk. 23. Bring a hip flask to work, leave it in your draw and take sips as if you're doing it on the sly but every one can actually see you. 24. Get another work mate to come over and inquire about your boss's jacket, and sell it to him for a fiver. 25. Smile at your boss and ask him how he feels about bondage. 26. Punch holes in your tie and when asked why you're doing it tell him that it makes you feel lighter. 27. Run down the corridor screaming "killer ants killer ants"