"Constructive" Resignations

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by ewep, Jul 29, 2002.

  1. ewep

    ewep New Member

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    (If this is a bit harsh delete it please Steve/Vo2)

    1. Tell your boss the reason you were late was because you
    fancied a shag before work.

    2. Stumble back from lunch, two hours late, pissed as a fart
    chanting 'TEQUILA'.

    3. Leave your CV up on screen when you go to lunch.

    4. Wear your "I Love Robson & Jerome" tee-shirt on your first
    day.

    5. Try and seduce the 16 year old work experience boy/girl.

    7. Fart out last night's vindaloo during an appraisal and turn
    round to sniff the seat.

    8. Photocopy your tits and pin them on the notice board.

    9. Ask the chief executive for some Rizla's.

    10. Start a fire in your bin when the office git refuse's to turn
    down the air conditioning.

    11. Keep a picture of Fred & Rose West on your desk.

    12. Grow a cannabis plant on your desk.

    13. Tell the boss you'll "Send the boys round" - if she/he
    doesn't authorise your pay rise.

    14. Admit you traded in your company car for a two week shag-fest
    in Ibiza.

    15. Ring up in the morning and say 'I won't be in today, I'm
    still wasted from last night'.

    16. Set up your own S&M dungeon in the stationery cupboard. (DM)

    17. Bring a sleeping bag to work for those little afternoon naps!

    18. Pawn your computer because you're skint 'til pay day.

    19. Ask the boss's wife "Have you noticed that one of your
    husbands balls hangs lower than the other".

    20. Spray "I can't be arsed" across your computer screen.

    21. Call the boss to your desk, call him "Sonny" and tell him his
    work isn't up to scratch.

    22. Start a one-man Mexican wave every time someone leaves their
    desk.

    23. Bring a hip flask to work, leave it in your draw and take
    sips as if you're doing it on the sly but every one can
    actually see you.

    24. Get another work mate to come over and inquire about your
    boss's jacket, and sell it to him for a fiver.

    25. Smile at your boss and ask him how he feels about bondage.

    26. Punch holes in your tie and when asked why you're doing it
    tell him that it makes you feel lighter.

    27. Run down the corridor screaming "killer ants killer ants"
     
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  2. Vo2

    Vo2 Member

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    That last line reminds me of Bart Simpson.

    The opening credits of The Simpsons shows Bart Simpson writing the same sentence over and over again on a chalkboard, reminiscent of the whole "write it 100 times" punishment, which establishes him as a troublemaker. The writers of the Simpsons are famous for changing the opening and closing credits, so that Bart writes a different sentence during the opening credits of each episode. Someone apparently went through the trouble of taping all the Simpsons, watching them all and writing down what Bart is writing on the board. These are the collected writings of the Simpsons from the chalkboard exercises that Bart writes during the opening credits.

    I will not carve gods.
    I will not spank others.
    I will not aim for the head.
    I will not barf unless I'm sick
    I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
    I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
    I will not conduct my own fire drills.
    Funny noises are not funny.
    I will not snap bras.
    I will not fake seizures.
    This punishment is not boring and pointless.
    My name is not Dr. Death.
    I will not defame New Orleans.
    I will not prescribe medication.
    I will not bury the new kid.
    I will not teach others to fly.
    I will not bring sheep to class.
    A burp is not an answer.
    Teacher is not a leper.
    Coffee is not for kids.
    I will not eat things for money.
    I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
    The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
    I will not call the principal "spud head".
    Goldfish don't bounce.
    Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
    No one is interested in my underpants.
    I will not sell miracle cures.
    I will return the seeing-eye dog.
    I do not have diplomatic immunity.
    I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
    I will never win an emmy.
    The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
    All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
    I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
    I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
    My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
    I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
    I am not deliciously saucy.
    Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
    I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
    There are plenty of businesses like show business.
    Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
    I will not waste chalk.
    I will not skateboard in the halls.
    Underwear should be worn on the inside.
    The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
    I will not torment the emotionally frail.
     
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