Cycling Joke

[jusumortal]

Only cyclists can relate:

There’s nothing like inhaling thick diesel exhaust from a large truck, especially because it only happens when you’ve been pedaling extra hard and you really need that deep breath of fresh oxygen.

 

[jusumortal]

Only cyclists can relate:

Headwinds just seem to follow you. A windy day means a tough ride, but only one way, right? Wrong, you change directions and so does the wind.

 

[jusumortal]

Only cyclists can relate:

“This is the last bike I’ll purchase”. How many times do we tell ourselves this lie? You’re going to buy another, trust us.

 

[jusumortal]

Only cyclists can relate:

You pull up to a red light, sure that it will turn green soon so you stay clipped in and wait. Impatience grows, you unclip, and then surely enough the light turns green.

 

[jusumortal]

Only cyclists can relate:

The more miles you ride, the better the beer tastes. For some reason, long Saturday morning rides that end with an ice cold beer are the most satisfying thirst-quenchers of all time.

 

[jusumortal]

It's funny how helium weighs only 0.13 times as much as air and what it can do for your tires is amazing.

 

[jusumortal]

When is a bicycle not a bicycle?

When it turns into a driveway!

 

[jusumortal]

Why can't you take a nap during the Tour de France?

Because if you snooze, you lose!

 

[jusumortal]

What did the little boy take his bicycle to bed with him?

Because he didn't want to walk in his sleep!

 

[JB Fernandez]

A cyclist shows up for a group ride on a new carbon speed machine.
"Hey, where did you get the new ride?", asks one of the group.
"Well," he says, "I was out on a ride when this really hot chick rode up alongside. We got to talking and one thing led to another and we stopped at a park. She suddenly stripped off and said, 'take what you want', so I took the bike."
"Good thing too," said the friend, "the clothes wouldn’t have fit."

Maybe the chick wasn't hot enough for him, the bike is more appealing so he chooses the bike. Hahaha
I wonder what's the reaction of the chick upon getting dumped by the guy. Hahaha

 

[Kakashi]

I have a good prayer for cyclists and it goes like this.

'Dear God, if there's such a thing as reincarnation then please may I return as a ladies bicycle seat.'

 

[Kakashi]

Cyclist Oneliners:

'I believe in riding with protection.'
(Looks at girls helmet)

'Babe, want to go for a ride?'

'I like your frame', (winks)

 

[jusumortal]

MY MESSAGE FOR ALL CYCLISTS OUT THERE:
LIFE IS TOO SHORT. JUST BUY THE DAMN BICYCLE!

 

[jusumortal]

I’m not afraid to say I’m too much of a wuss to do this myself. Have you ever sat in a tub filled with ice water... on purpose?

 

[jusumortal]

The perfect bike for lazy people with no balance. The guy in this funny picture won’t have to worry about unclipping in time before falling.

 

[jusumortal]

The perfect bike for lazy people with no balance. The guy in this funny picture won’t have to worry about unclipping in time before falling.

 

[jusumortal]

YOU ONLY HAD ONE JOB! Well, if you ever wanted the “pole position”, this is how to get it.

 

[jusumortal]

EATTING RUBBER......
Ouch! I hope this never happens to any of you.

 

[Kakashi]

Hey Jusumortal here's 2 for you

If you were my girlfriend, I promise I'd
never tyre of you.

I hope you're not spoke-en for.

 

[Kakashi]

I wheelie, wheelie want to ask you on a date.

I can't handle-bars, but Id love to go out on a date