Cycling Snobbery

Discussion in 'Cycling Equipment' started by Clairelouise84, Apr 21, 2015.

  1. BrickTamland

    BrickTamland New Member

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    I'm a newbie who is an aspiring cycling snob. How do I gain the perfect sneer, condescending tone, and biting words necessary to achieve this? Do I need to practice, like, say, in front of a mirror? Or will it come naturally if I associate with those whom I want to become? I am willing to go to any lengths to be able to leave newbs feeling dejected and worthless. That is what will make me feel like an accomplished cyclist.

    Thanks in advance.
     


  2. swampy1970

    swampy1970 Well-Known Member

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    To feel like an accomplished cyclist you'll need a bottom gear of 39x25 and smash those long 8% grades at around 12 mph whilst casually telling the guy next to you that's deep in oxygen debt that having a $18,000 team issue bike is the only way to go. Remind them before every ride that ever single bearing in your bike is polished and lubricated by your own servant/mechanic which gives you an extra 75 watts.

    Make sure that your bike weighs under 10lbs at all times, even with bottles included. Only ride tubular tires and have a team car follow you with a mechanic and sougneur riding along. Change the horn in the car too...
     
  3. BrickTamland

    BrickTamland New Member

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    Hmmm. I'm guessing something like this will also lend to my look of obvious superiority?

    [​IMG]
     
  4. jhuskey

    jhuskey Moderator

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    It is a little known fact that if you sniff a tube of Park Tool lube while listening to a recording of Phil Leggitt's voice and staring at a photo of Lance Armstrong, you can achieve absolute cycle arrogance in just two weeks.
     
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  5. CAMPYBOB

    CAMPYBOB Well-Known Member

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    Quote by Brick:
    "I'm a newbie who is an aspiring cycling snob. How do I gain the perfect sneer, condescending tone, and biting words necessary to achieve this?"

    Ride Campagnolo Super Record and ignore fat fucks on Dura-Ass.

    "Do I need to practice, like, say, in front of a mirror? Or will it come naturally if I associate with those whom I want to become?"

    Associate only with the Cognoscenti! Do not be seen with lowly shimaNO and Microshit riders. Evar.

    "I am willing to go to any lengths to be able to leave newbs feeling dejected and worthless."

    Attack them ruthlessly and relentlessly. Kick their asses on the road, also.

    "That is what will make me feel like an accomplished cyclist."

    Indeed! You will be a God among mere mortals.

    "Thanks in advance."

    You're quite welcome...now go practice your bad attitude.
     
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  6. joshposh

    joshposh Banned

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    Everyone has to start somewhere. There are thread designed and openly accepts new comers. There are the pong time users and pros that will not have the patience for novice questions and so forth. You just need a thick skin and to brush off the negative comments.
     
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  7. kana_marie

    kana_marie Member

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    I find it makes me feel better when I point out something that makes me better than them. Here's a non cycling example: the situation is irrelevant. This girl was acting like she was better than me. Just stupid stuff. So I told her about a home remedy face scrub I discovered that works miracles. You see, my complexion wasn't perfect, but it wasn't horrible either. Hers was really bad. I know it makes me sound like a mean person, but it was 100% in response to her being a b***h.
    Just point out one of their shortcomings in a very passive aggressive way (so they sound like the bitch when they tell the story) and go about your day knowing its Claire:1, snobs:0
     
  8. ABNPFDR

    ABNPFDR Member

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    That is a helmet for triathletes, not cyclists. The only time a cyclist may don such a dome is when actively engaged in a Time Trial event, otherwise you are a douche, not a snob.
     
  9. mpre53

    mpre53 Well-Known Member

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    Same with aero bars.
     
  10. Rhodolite

    Rhodolite Member

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    This completely. I'm more of a casual cyclist at the moment but I have contemplated on going further into the hobby but it's not something I'm gonna just dive right into. I want to build myself up and gradually get into it. Not only because there's lots to learn but also because it's not a super cheap hobby to get into.

    Snobbery doesn't bother me because I get into things out of curiosity and passion. I've learned to make do with used stuff before putting down serious money to invest in something expensive if I found that I really like the hobby. I worked my way up from a cheap lap harp from Pakistan to my Lyon and Healy Style 85CG concert grand harp from childhood to the time I entered college. It was thousands of hours of hard work and learning the ropes and the ins and outs of the instrument but it was worth it. I'm going through the same with motorcycles right now and since I was already commuting with a bicycle I figured that I'd knock both out at the same time as well. Like anything new, I want to study it and get my feet wet and see if I like it before dumping huge amounts of money. Then there's the fact that I like working my way up since it feels like a real accomplishment versus just buying my way into it if that makes sense. :x
     
  11. Clairelouise84

    Clairelouise84 New Member

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    You definitely need to practise the face, you know the one, the one that looks like you can smell something bad and you're not happy about it. Try walking around with an air of superiority and steering every single conversation towards cycling. You also need to master the backhanded compliment, this should make you feel sufficiently like a big shot.
     
  12. Clairelouise84

    Clairelouise84 New Member

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    Ha ha excellent advice, I had hoped not to go down this road as it could open up a can of worms (I am very vengeful) but I think it might be time! I do love feeling victorious and I so rarely get the chance!
     
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  13. Clairelouise84

    Clairelouise84 New Member

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    Riding with dark clothes and no lights is just plain foolish, there is being new to the game and then there is being just plain foolish! Safety is paramount and I would never compromise on it as I can be very accident prone which explains the array of new and exciting injuries that I have recently acquired!
     
  14. Clairelouise84

    Clairelouise84 New Member

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    I guess I am simply riding a bike, which I have no problem with as I know my limits but other people seem to, they seem very impatient and impolite, if there is anyone behind me on a path ANYWHERE, I will move aside and let them go first, I know full well that I am not the fastest so they can always go first. I have done this about eight times now and not one person has said thank you, I don't do it to be thanked but not saying it is just rude and gives cyclists a bad name!
     
  15. CAMPYBOB

    CAMPYBOB Well-Known Member

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    Quote by ABPFDR:
    "That is a helmet for triathletes, not cyclists. The only time a cyclist may don such a dome is when actively engaged in a Time Trial event, otherwise you are a douche, not a snob."

    Quote by mpre53:
    "Same with aero bars."


    Smokey, this ain't 'Nam! There are RULES!

    http://www.velominati.com/the-rules/
     
  16. Sunflogun

    Sunflogun Member

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    Snobs are everywhere, even on top of bikes, so who cares if they are snobs, just don't pay attention to them and carry on, they will just continue feeling happy and superior.
     
  17. hyperliterate

    hyperliterate New Member

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    We have all encountered snobbery in cycling and almost every other thing worth doing. Admittedly, I am a recreational cyclist, but I ride both days every weekend and, in late autumn and winter, switch to an MTB. I've seen the shaven legs, the high end bikes with overweight riders and the plentiful opinions concerning all things cycling. A little humility would go a long way as far as I'm concerned. Just yesterday on a club ride (a "B" ride, if you're interested), one of the more experienced riders in the group was having a rough time of it. I expressed sympathy, having been there myself. He refused to acknowledge me. If you ride with any regularity you will encounter rides when you're struggling the entire time. Better to admit it and deal with it then to pretend it isn't happening.
     
  18. jhuskey

    jhuskey Moderator

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    I use to be a bike snob but after years of meditation and self examination I have conquered my ego, as a matter of fact I have become the perfect cyclist.
     
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  19. swampy1970

    swampy1970 Well-Known Member

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    Funny, those bars were actually developed by the Race Across America guys, then adopted by the tri guys and then Greg Lemond. Funny how people forget what actually happened and when back in the day.

    It should be the touring guys that want comfort and more speed that should be pissing on your Wheaties with condescending douchbaggery. :p
     
  20. FetishRider

    FetishRider New Member

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    I'd be a snob but my 15 pound Raleigh is a Raleigh so I don't exactly have that name dropping power. I have some real nice stuff but it's not statusy enough for the big money snobs. lol.
     
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