Cyclists' Haggadah



C

Claire Petersky

Guest
It's that time of the year...back by popular demand:

The Cyclists' Haggadah

All who are in need of spring training, come and ride with us.
All who are hungry, come and partake of our carbohydrate-laden treats.

[The bottle of cytomax is held up and the blessing is recited:]

Blessed are You, our God, Universal Ruling Presence, who has created the
fruit of the laboratory.

The youngest rider asks:


1. On all other rides, we eat all kinds of bars. On this ride, why do we
only eat hard, unleavened Power Bars?
2. On all other rides, we might consume a wide range of fruits. On this
ride, why do we eat bananas?
3. On all other rides, we might not dip our bananas even once in our gu. On
this ride, why do we dip our bananas twice?
4. On all other rides, we ride sitting up straight. On this ride, why do we
ride in a reclining position on recumbents?


The answer my children, may be found in the story of Passover.


This is the power bar of our affliction, which our ancestors baked 400 years
ago.


Many years ago, we were slaves to our automobiles, driving hither and
thither, not knowing that a better way existed. If the Holy One, blessed be
He, had not shown us the way of the bicycle, then we, our children and our
children's children would have remained enslaved to motor vehicle. Even if
all of us were wise, all of us understanding, all of us knowing the book of
Effective Cycling, we would still be obligated to discuss the liberation
through cycling; and everyone who discusses this liberation at length is
praiseworthy.


There are four types of children who ask questions on this ride: the wise
one, the bad one, the simple one, and the one who does not know to ask.
- What does the wise one ask? I don't know; I couldn't understand him
either. Him you must send to a school for gifted children.
- What does the bad one ask? He says, "What is this ride to you?" Because he
excludes himself from the community of cyclists, you must exclude him from
your ride, and he will go back to his employer and get paid double-time and
a half for working on a holiday.
- What does the simple one ask? He simply asks, "What is this?" You will say
to him, "This is a bike ride."
- As for the one who does not know to ask, you must go to his room, wake him
up and say, "Next year, come to the bike ride on time!"


These are the Ten Plagues which the Holy One, blessed be He, brought upon
the motorists, namely as follows:


[When saying the ten plagues, spill a drop of cytomax from the sports bottle
itself ten times for each plague:]


High gas prices
Congestion
Registration fees
Pollution
Pot holes
Expensive parking
Speeding tickets
Sedendary lifestyle
Obesity
First-born getting a driver's licence


How many levels of favors has the Eternal One bestowed upon us?


If we would be wearing padded bike shorts, but not have clipless pedals, it
would have been enough.
If we would have clipless pedals, but not at least Shimano 105 components,
it would have been enough.
If we would be equipped with at least Shimano 105 components, but not a
delicious post-ride dinner, it would have been enough.
If we would been served a delicious dinner and no dessert, it would have
been enough.
If we would eaten dessert, but not have a hangover from too much carousing,
it would have been enough.


(Pick up the cytomax and say:) Thus how much more so should we be grateful
to the Eternal One for the doubled and redoubled goodness that He has
bestowed upon us! We do wear padded bike shorts, we do have clipless
pedals, and we do have at least Shimano 105 components (and some of us have
Ultegra and even Campy Chorus, and many other wonders), and we did eat a
delicious post-ride dinner, and we did get dessert, and now we pray that we
do not get a hangover from too much carousing -- let us say, Amen!


Thus it is our duty to thank, to laud, to praise, to glorify, to exalt, to
adore, to bless, to elevate and to honor the One who did all these miracles
for cyclists before us and for us. He took us from car-driving slavery to
bicycling freedom, from steel-caged enclosed sorrow to the open road of joy,
and from bondage to redemption.


Blessed are You, our God, Universal Ruling Presence, who has redeemed us and
redeemed our ancestors, and enabled us on this ride to eat power bars and
bananas. So too, God, our God and God of our ancestors, enable us to attain
other rides and cycling events that will come to us in peace with happiness,
and with rejoicing in Your service.


This year we watch the Tour De France in the living room, next year may we
see it in person!


(with a tip o' the hat to Akiva and Ilene Miller)


--

Warm Regards,


Claire Petersky
http://www.bicyclemeditations.org/
See the books I've set free at: http://bookcrossing.com/referral/Cpetersky
 
Claire Petersky wrote:
> It's that time of the year...back by popular demand:
>
> The Cyclists' Haggadah


hahah..... i remember that from last year.Oy....maybe power bars should
come in the flavor of Chocolate COated Orange Peel.
 
Claire Petersky wrote:
>
>
> If we would be wearing padded bike shorts, but not have clipless pedals, it
> would have been enough.
>

Is it a sin to stare at the bike shorts of thy neighbor's wife when not
drafting?

--
John Calnan
http://www.calnan-web.com/weblog
 
"Claire Petersky" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> "John Calnan" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
>
>> Is it a sin to stare at the bike shorts of thy neighbor's wife when
>> not drafting?

>
>
> I think the whole "committing adultry in the heart" is a Christian
> innovation.
>
>
> --
> Warm Regards,
>
> Claire Petersky
> http://www.bicyclemeditations.org/
> See the books I've set free at:
> http://bookcrossing.com/referral/Cpetersky
>
 
Dear Claire,

I forgot this from last year! It's not just charming, it's a
tremendous digest of the Haggadah! You are truly a writer of talent.

But being a Jew I must take issue with one thing - use of Effective
Cycling as a surrogate Torah. As much as I respect what John Forester
has accomplished, and recognizing the overall wisdom he has provided,
I think it is inadequate. It is not enough for the cyclist to simply
follow the traffic laws and to expect automobile drivers to do the
same.

Problem is, drivers do not do the same, and will not. An example:
several Saturdays back I went out on the Ann Arbor traditional morning
ride to Dexter (using the Amidah as a pedalling mantra). One of the
leaders (certified by the Ann Arbor Police) surprised my by changing
lanes into the left lane perhaps 1000 feet from an intended left turn,
giving hand signals. A driver in a big old Suburban was behind and
gaining quickly, 40 mph v. 15 mph. The SUV slowed to the cyclist's
pace and sat behind her in the lane, staring at her and gesturing in
surprise and confusion. The driver's best choice was probably to move
to the right and pass her with adequate clearance, but he seemed
pre-occupied by her maneuver. Meanwhile other motor vehicles were
approaching from the rear, and the right lane was soon occupied with
other car traffic, not to speak of we few other cyclists who had been
with her.

Point is, while her move was legal and in accordance with traffic laws
and with Foresterism, it caused problems. I think the reason is that
the cyclist did something that most drivers would think is crazy and
did not expect. Because of the development of the situation, we other
cyclists lost our opportunity to join her maneuver, leaving several
bikes on one side and one bike seemingly in trouble on the other.

Driver expectations must always be considered along with cyclist
rights and rights of way. The bottom line in any physical traffic
conflict is that the unprotected road user must exercise
self-protection, combined with a warrior's vigilance. Sometimes this
might mean we choose not to perform maneuvers that are legal. There's
really nothing wrong with accomplishing left turns by using
cross-walks at intersections, rather than left-turn lanes. Drivers
understand signalled intersections, for the most part.

Sorry for the long digression, I don't mean to detract from your
charming piece.

Perhaps there should be a "Cycling Talmud," in which the practical
exigencies of the Written Law are discussed in light of situations of
the day.

Thanks again,

Ken Freeman

"Claire Petersky" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> It's that time of the year...back by popular demand:
>
> The Cyclists' Haggadah
>
> All who are in need of spring training, come and ride with us.
> All who are hungry, come and partake of our carbohydrate-laden
> treats.
>
> [The bottle of cytomax is held up and the blessing is recited:]
>
> Blessed are You, our God, Universal Ruling Presence, who has created
> the fruit of the laboratory.
>
> The youngest rider asks:
>
>
> 1. On all other rides, we eat all kinds of bars. On this ride, why
> do we only eat hard, unleavened Power Bars?
> 2. On all other rides, we might consume a wide range of fruits. On
> this ride, why do we eat bananas?
> 3. On all other rides, we might not dip our bananas even once in our
> gu. On this ride, why do we dip our bananas twice?
> 4. On all other rides, we ride sitting up straight. On this ride,
> why do we ride in a reclining position on recumbents?
>
>
> The answer my children, may be found in the story of Passover.
>
>
> This is the power bar of our affliction, which our ancestors baked
> 400 years ago.
>
>
> Many years ago, we were slaves to our automobiles, driving hither
> and thither, not knowing that a better way existed. If the Holy
> One, blessed be
> He, had not shown us the way of the bicycle, then we, our children
> and our children's children would have remained enslaved to motor
> vehicle. Even if
> all of us were wise, all of us understanding, all of us knowing the
> book of Effective Cycling, we would still be obligated to discuss
> the liberation
> through cycling; and everyone who discusses this liberation at
> length is praiseworthy.
>
>
> There are four types of children who ask questions on this ride: the
> wise one, the bad one, the simple one, and the one who does not know
> to ask.
> - What does the wise one ask? I don't know; I couldn't understand
> him either. Him you must send to a school for gifted children.
> - What does the bad one ask? He says, "What is this ride to you?"
> Because he excludes himself from the community of cyclists, you must
> exclude him from
> your ride, and he will go back to his employer and get paid
> double-time and a half for working on a holiday.
> - What does the simple one ask? He simply asks, "What is this?" You
> will say to him, "This is a bike ride."
> - As for the one who does not know to ask, you must go to his room,
> wake him up and say, "Next year, come to the bike ride on time!"
>
>
> These are the Ten Plagues which the Holy One, blessed be He, brought
> upon the motorists, namely as follows:
>
>
> [When saying the ten plagues, spill a drop of cytomax from the
> sports bottle itself ten times for each plague:]
>
>
> High gas prices
> Congestion
> Registration fees
> Pollution
> Pot holes
> Expensive parking
> Speeding tickets
> Sedendary lifestyle
> Obesity
> First-born getting a driver's licence
>
>
> How many levels of favors has the Eternal One bestowed upon us?
>
>
> If we would be wearing padded bike shorts, but not have clipless
> pedals, it would have been enough.
> If we would have clipless pedals, but not at least Shimano 105
> components, it would have been enough.
> If we would be equipped with at least Shimano 105 components, but
> not a delicious post-ride dinner, it would have been enough.
> If we would been served a delicious dinner and no dessert, it would
> have been enough.
> If we would eaten dessert, but not have a hangover from too much
> carousing, it would have been enough.
>
>
> (Pick up the cytomax and say:) Thus how much more so should we be
> grateful to the Eternal One for the doubled and redoubled goodness
> that He has
> bestowed upon us! We do wear padded bike shorts, we do have
> clipless pedals, and we do have at least Shimano 105 components (and
> some of us have
> Ultegra and even Campy Chorus, and many other wonders), and we did
> eat a delicious post-ride dinner, and we did get dessert, and now we
> pray that we
> do not get a hangover from too much carousing -- let us say, Amen!
>
>
> Thus it is our duty to thank, to laud, to praise, to glorify, to
> exalt, to adore, to bless, to elevate and to honor the One who did
> all these miracles
> for cyclists before us and for us. He took us from car-driving
> slavery to bicycling freedom, from steel-caged enclosed sorrow to
> the open road of joy,
> and from bondage to redemption.
>
>
> Blessed are You, our God, Universal Ruling Presence, who has
> redeemed us and redeemed our ancestors, and enabled us on this ride
> to eat power bars and
> bananas. So too, God, our God and God of our ancestors, enable us to
> attain other rides and cycling events that will come to us in peace
> with happiness,
> and with rejoicing in Your service.
>
>
> This year we watch the Tour De France in the living room, next year
> may we see it in person!
>
>
> (with a tip o' the hat to Akiva and Ilene Miller)
>
>
> --
>
> Warm Regards,
>
>
> Claire Petersky
> http://www.bicyclemeditations.org/
> See the books I've set free at:
> http://bookcrossing.com/referral/Cpetersky
>
 
Enjoy your ride. That is the whole of the law; all the rest is
commentary. Regards, Roy Zipris
 
On Mon, 17 Apr 2006 14:39:37 GMT, "Claire Petersky"
<[email protected]> wrote:

>It's that time of the year...back by popular demand:
>
>The Cyclists' Haggadah


Thanks, that was cute.
 
"Road Man" wrote: (clip) Driver expectations must always be considered
along with cyclist rights and rights of way. (clip)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I have always felt a little uncomfortable with the hard-core attitude of
many cyclists about "rights." For me, your statement sums it up best.

BTW, the principle applies as well whether you are riding, driving or
walking.
 
actually, this brings me to another bit of hebonics... that cycling is
the new shvitz. Instead of doing the old 'going to the Y and having a
shvitz in the sauna', now a 'shvitz' is going for a ride on a warm day.
It's particularly apt when you see the retired guys on their Colnagos
all going out for rides together. IT's become sort of a catchphrase
with me and my riding pals. "Hey Bernie, let's all go for a shvitz!"
 
Road Man: Rabbi Hillel, right?

RZ: Yes, but it could also be Zoot.
 
BTW, Claire, we did indeed have matzo as our rest stop repast on this
past Saturday's ride. Everyone claimed to be the youngest rider,
however. Except me--I'd rather be the patriarch.
Regards, Roy Zipris
 
On Tue, 18 Apr 2006 05:41:54 -0400, "Road Man"
<[email protected]> wrote:

>Perhaps there should be a "Cycling Talmud," in which the practical
>exigencies of the Written Law are discussed in light of situations of
>the day.


You're the scholar, you start.


--
Typoes are a feature, not a bug.
Some gardening required to reply via email.
Words processed in a facility that contains nuts.
 
How do you set up a "children's table" when out on a bike ride?

"Roy Zipris" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> BTW, Claire, we did indeed have matzo as our rest stop repast on
> this
> past Saturday's ride. Everyone claimed to be the youngest rider,
> however. Except me--I'd rather be the patriarch.
> Regards, Roy Zipris
>
 
Thanks! There's a recent bikie book that discusses this in some
depth, "The Art of Urban Cycling" by Robert Hurst.

The principle came back to me in my current work. I design automotive
systems that would detect objects (mainly other vehicles) around the
car and generate driver information that would beneficially supplement
the driver's input based on the senses. One of the major problems is
that the set of drivers is the general population, and one cannot
expect to train the general population to respond appropriately to
in-vehicle signals.

Similarly with bikes. If drivers aren't used to dealing with cyclists
exposing themselves to traffic by making car-like maneuvers, we can't
expect them to respond in ways that are safe to us. We need to
consider carefully when making such a moves.

Ken Freeman

"Leo Lichtman" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
> "Road Man" wrote: (clip) Driver expectations must always be
> considered along with cyclist rights and rights of way. (clip)
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> I have always felt a little uncomfortable with the hard-core
> attitude of many cyclists about "rights." For me, your statement
> sums it up best.
>
> BTW, the principle applies as well whether you are riding, driving
> or walking.
>
 

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