Danger Threat to all Cycling Newsgroups - VanDolan!!!

Discussion in 'Recumbent bicycles' started by Robert Haston, Dec 5, 2003.

  1. Recent anti-terrorist investigations have unveiled a horrible plot against top cycling newsgroups.
    It seems a cult of extremely rabid anti-cyclist "Autolians" have succeeded where the Raelians have
    failed. They have not only cloned a human, but a human that is the product of the two worst enemies
    cycling forums have ever faced.

    In a scheme similar to cloning Hitler (as portrayed in the movie "Boys from Brazil") they have
    cloned the two worst enemies of the strongest forums for cycling: rec.bicycles.soc, which is the
    forum for advancing the social cause of cycling, and alt.rec.bicycles.recumbent which is the largest
    forum for this fastest growing sector of bicycling.

    In what internal memos describe as "pure genius" they secretly collected DNA samples from Mike
    Vandeman, the lunatic left-wing environmentalist who had single-handedly brought rec.bicycles.soc to
    his knees with endless posts, cross-posts and threatening email wars against off-road cycling
    (something .soc specifically excludes).

    They stitched Vandeman's DNA with that of Ed Dolan, the radical right wing neo-conservative, who has
    cut the top off of .recumbents' meteoric rise and cast a vision upon it as dark as the wandering
    bickering that has descended upon .soc.

    The best estimate is that numerous fetuses were cultivated until a healthy male was carried
    full-term by a female autolian member who gave birth sometime in the early to mid '90s. An
    undisclosed agent who had penetrated the autolian's sect spoke only after guarantee of anonymity:
    "You don't understand the threat this poses. Not only does this combine the most destructive forces
    against cycling forums, but our hopes have been dashed that the near polar extremes of the two
    paternal donor's backgrounds would have cancelled."

    Secret Autolian documents describing the "golden one's" early mentoring sessions and writings have
    rejoiced about the precocious skill of their clone: "All hail with jubilation!" Our maximum
    extremist streaks around the margins of political discourse like an Olympic speed skater! No one can
    catch hope to catch his specious ramblings! Death and destruction will fall upon all cycling and its
    evil offspring recumbent spawn as they rot from within! We will soon see the day when we can lurk
    and laugh uproariously at their cozy little newsgroup homes flaming self-immolation! And even if it
    takes time, our golden son has decades to work upon them; and we have more on the way!

    --
    Robert Haston Satellite Beach, FL
     
    Tags:


  2. Harv

    Harv Guest

    Robert, my only regret is that I won't won't be seeing any of Ed's raving about this marvelous piece
    of sarcastic humor. If I can remember not to open any of Sherman's posts (unless clearly marked "do
    not contain any quote from Ed Dolan post"), that is. And of course Ed is too paranoid to kill file
    me, which would be ideal. Soon everyone on the NG for more than a few weeks will have kayeffed him,
    and he likewise.

    However, you violated the unwritten law of bike NGs to never spell v*nd*m*n's name, and along with
    the word h*l*m*t are verboten. If mv finds us here, I wish the eternal curse of the p*nct*r* f**ry
    on you. Harv, here in the flatlands of Kane county Illinois. "Robert Haston"
    <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Recent anti-terrorist investigations have unveiled a horrible plot against top cycling newsgroups.
    > It seems a cult of extremely rabid anti-cyclist "Autolians" have succeeded where the Raelians have
    > failed. They have not only cloned a human, but a human that is the product of the two worst
    > enemies cycling forums have ever faced.
    >
    > In a scheme similar to cloning Hitler (as portrayed in the movie "Boys
    from
    > Brazil") they have cloned the two worst enemies of the strongest forums
    for
    > cycling: rec.bicycles.soc, which is the forum for advancing the social
    cause
    > of cycling, and alt.rec.bicycles.recumbent which is the largest forum for this fastest growing
    > sector of bicycling.
    >
    > In what internal memos describe as "pure genius" they secretly collected
    DNA
    > samples from Mike Vandeman, the lunatic left-wing environmentalist who had single-handedly brought
    > rec.bicycles.soc to his knees with endless posts, cross-posts and threatening email wars against
    > off-road cycling (something .soc specifically excludes).
    >
    > They stitched Vandeman's DNA with that of Ed Dolan, the radical right wing neo-conservative, who
    > has cut the top off of .recumbents' meteoric rise
    and
    > cast a vision upon it as dark as the wandering bickering that has
    descended
    > upon .soc.
    >
    > The best estimate is that numerous fetuses were cultivated until a healthy male was carried
    > full-term by a female autolian member who gave birth sometime in the early to mid '90s. An
    > undisclosed agent who had
    penetrated
    > the autolian's sect spoke only after guarantee of anonymity: "You don't understand the threat this
    > poses. Not only does this combine the most destructive forces against cycling forums, but our
    > hopes have been dashed that the near polar extremes of the two paternal donor's backgrounds would
    > have cancelled."
    >
    > Secret Autolian documents describing the "golden one's" early mentoring sessions and writings have
    > rejoiced about the precocious skill of their clone: "All hail with jubilation!" Our maximum
    > extremist streaks around
    the
    > margins of political discourse like an Olympic speed skater! No one can catch hope to catch his
    > specious ramblings! Death and destruction will
    fall
    > upon all cycling and its evil offspring recumbent spawn as they rot from within! We will soon see
    > the day when we can lurk and laugh uproariously
    at
    > their cozy little newsgroup homes flaming self-immolation! And even if it takes time, our golden
    > son has decades to work upon them; and we have more on the way!
    >
    >
    >
    > --
    > Robert Haston Satellite Beach, FL
     
  3. Dean Arthur

    Dean Arthur Guest

    A Brown Ribbon for B--- S----!
     
  4. In rec.bicycles.soc Robert Haston <[email protected]> wrote:
    : samples from Mike Vandeman, the lunatic left-wing environmentalist who had

    I wasn't aware of Vandeman being left-wing. I guess the other attributes kinda overshadow this.
    Thanks for pointing it out.

    : The best estimate is that numerous fetuses were cultivated until a healthy male was carried
    : full-term by a female autolian member who gave birth sometime in the early to mid '90s. An
    : undisclosed agent who had penetrated the autolian's sect spoke only after guarantee of anonymity:
    : "You don't understand the threat this poses. Not only does this combine the most destructive
    : forces against cycling forums, but our hopes have been dashed that the near polar extremes of the
    : two paternal donor's backgrounds would have cancelled."

    Holy Rim And Spokes! I suggest we hit the road with our trikes before it is too late! In the
    post-holocaust world, the best survival plan is to form a network of trusted cyclists. We can do
    this on the road via wireless encrypted communications, and each new member of the community will
    only be accepted with a certificate authorized through the chain of trust, leading to the first
    Autarch of the community.

    --
    Risto Varanka | http://www.helsinki.fi/~rvaranka/hpv/hpv.html varis at no spam please iki fi
     
  5. Tom Sherman

    Tom Sherman Guest

    harv wrote:
    > ... Harv, here in the flatlands of Kane county Illinois.

    Harv,

    You can always do laps on the Johnson's Mound Forest Preserve road (and a short section of Hughes
    Road to complete the loop).

    Tom Sherman - Planet Earth
     
  6. Q.

    Q. Guest

    "Robert Haston" <[email protected]> wrote

    > Recent anti-terrorist investigations have unveiled a horrible plot against top cycling newsgroups.

    Liar!

    >It seems a cult of extremely rabid anti-cyclist "Autolians" have succeeded where the Raelians have
    >failed. They have not only cloned a human, but a human that is the product of the two worst enemies
    >cycling forums have ever faced.

    Dum Dum.

    > In a scheme similar to cloning Hitler (as portrayed in the movie "Boys
    from
    > Brazil") they have cloned the two worst enemies of the strongest forums
    for
    > cycling: rec.bicycles.soc, which is the forum for advancing the social
    cause
    > of cycling, and alt.rec.bicycles.recumbent which is the largest forum for this fastest growing
    > sector of bicycling.

    Only an idiot on a mountain bike would write this, QED.

    > In what internal memos describe as "pure genius" they secretly collected
    DNA
    > samples from Mike Vandeman, the lunatic left-wing environmentalist who had single-handedly brought
    > rec.bicycles.soc to his knees with endless posts, cross-posts and threatening email wars against
    > off-road cycling (something .soc specifically excludes).

    I am a God, so everything you say is a lie, 100% of the time all mountain bikers eat dill pickles
    with a nice béarnaise sauce.

    > They stitched Vandeman's DNA with that of Ed Dolan, the radical right wing neo-conservative, who
    > has cut the top off of .recumbents' meteoric rise
    and
    > cast a vision upon it as dark as the wandering bickering that has
    descended
    > upon .soc.

    I am the one who uses brains and a mighty weed whacker to bring truth to the masses, and everyone
    agrees with me!

    > The best estimate is that numerous fetuses were cultivated until a healthy male was carried
    > full-term by a female autolian member who gave birth sometime in the early to mid '90s. An
    > undisclosed agent who had
    penetrated
    > the autolian's sect spoke only after guarantee of anonymity: "You don't understand the threat this
    > poses. Not only does this combine the most destructive forces against cycling forums, but our
    > hopes have been dashed that the near polar extremes of the two paternal donor's backgrounds would
    > have cancelled."

    Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër ?

    > Secret Autolian documents describing the "golden one's" early mentoring sessions and writings have
    > rejoiced about the precocious skill of their clone: "All hail with jubilation!" Our maximum
    > extremist streaks around
    the
    > margins of political discourse like an Olympic speed skater!

    A Møøse once bit my sister...

    >No one can catch hope to catch his specious ramblings! Death and
    destruction will fall
    > upon all cycling and its evil offspring recumbent spawn as they rot from within! We will soon see
    > the day when we can lurk and laugh uproariously
    at
    > their cozy little newsgroup homes flaming self-immolation! And even if it takes time, our golden
    > son has decades to work upon them; and we have more on the way!

    No realli! She was Karving her initials øn the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace
    tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law -an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian
    møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst
    Nordfink"...

    > --
    > Robert Haston Satellite Beach, FL

    Dang, is it April 1 already?!?

    C.Q.C.I am working on a world free of human beings starting with everyone else but
    CR. Please help eradicate the infestation at www.butlermentalhospital.org/outpatient/ravinglunitic
     
  7. Harv

    Harv Guest

    I used to do that 20 years ago. I would sometimes climb the mound straight up the back (up the down
    road). Not much traffic back then. I could count my pulse without having to press on any artery.
    Twice up the hill was enough for me. The local roady guru [1] told me that they added four or five
    loops to their Wed. night training ride and thanked me for telling him where it was. Now I would go
    into cardiac arrest halfway up. Besides all the old good roads, so void of motorized traffic, that I
    used to ride out that way are now populated by dicks, carelessly pointing huge fast metal things on
    those same roads.

    1. Bill McGinty owned the local Schwinnery and was several times IL state TT champion. "Tom Sherman"
    <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    >
    > harv wrote:
    > > ... Harv, here in the flatlands of Kane county Illinois.
    >
    > Harv,
    >
    > You can always do laps on the Johnson's Mound Forest Preserve road (and a short section of Hughes
    > Road to complete the loop).
    >
    > Tom Sherman - Planet Earth
     
  8. Tom Sherman

    Tom Sherman Guest

    harv wrote:
    >
    > I used to do that 20 years ago. I would sometimes climb the mound straight up the back (up the
    > down road). Not much traffic back then. I could count my pulse without having to press on any
    > artery. Twice up the hill was enough for me. The local roady guru [1] told me that they added four
    > or five loops to their Wed. night training ride and thanked me for telling him where it was. Now I
    > would go into cardiac arrest halfway up. Besides all the old good roads, so void of motorized
    > traffic, that I used to ride out that way are now populated by dicks, carelessly pointing huge
    > fast metal things on those same roads.

    Harv,

    From what I have seen, traffic is pretty bad east of Route 47 in most of Kane County. [Insert
    flamewar about urban sprawl here].

    Tom Sherman - Planet Earth
     
  9. Bg

    Bg Guest

    Haston you dick. Thanks for crossposting this to .soc and invoking the v word. You apparently are
    unaware of the implications of this. Did I mention you are a dick bg
     
  10. Momentary lapse of reason - my profoundest apologies for potentially spreading the V Virus.

    Although calling me a dick would be much more fulfilling (and justified) IF he actually
    spreads here.

    "bg" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Haston you dick. Thanks for crossposting this to .soc and invoking the v
    word.
    > You apparently are unaware of the implications of this. Did I mention you are a dick bg
     
  11. Dean Arthur

    Dean Arthur Guest

    [email protected] wrote:
    >
    > each new member of the community will only be accepted...

    With certificate of authenticity as to rusty chain of [t]rust!
     
  12. Bg

    Bg Guest

    Robert, And my apologies for my crude characterization. Re the v guy: He has pretty much focused on
    MTB groups, but who knows. There are a few off-road threads here from time to time and who knows
    what'll get his attention. And gollee-pete he has ruined at least one MTB NG. Although, just like
    any acting out 4yo, generally if they are ignored, they'll give up and go try to find someone who
    won't ignore them. It takes at least two to perpetuate the H*tl*r type threads. bill g

    Robert Haston wrote:

    > Momentary lapse of reason - my profoundest apologies for potentially spreading the V Virus.
    >
    > Although calling me a dick would be much more fulfilling (and justified) IF he actually
    > spreads here.
    >
    > "
     
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