R
Robert Haston
Guest
Recent anti-terrorist investigations have unveiled a horrible plot against top cycling newsgroups.
It seems a cult of extremely rabid anti-cyclist "Autolians" have succeeded where the Raelians have
failed. They have not only cloned a human, but a human that is the product of the two worst enemies
cycling forums have ever faced.
In a scheme similar to cloning ****** (as portrayed in the movie "Boys from Brazil") they have
cloned the two worst enemies of the strongest forums for cycling: rec.bicycles.soc, which is the
forum for advancing the social cause of cycling, and alt.rec.bicycles.recumbent which is the largest
forum for this fastest growing sector of bicycling.
In what internal memos describe as "pure genius" they secretly collected DNA samples from Mike
Vandeman, the lunatic left-wing environmentalist who had single-handedly brought rec.bicycles.soc to
his knees with endless posts, cross-posts and threatening email wars against off-road cycling
(something .soc specifically excludes).
They stitched Vandeman's DNA with that of Ed Dolan, the radical right wing neo-conservative, who has
cut the top off of .recumbents' meteoric rise and cast a vision upon it as dark as the wandering
bickering that has descended upon .soc.
The best estimate is that numerous fetuses were cultivated until a healthy male was carried
full-term by a female autolian member who gave birth sometime in the early to mid '90s. An
undisclosed agent who had penetrated the autolian's sect spoke only after guarantee of anonymity:
"You don't understand the threat this poses. Not only does this combine the most destructive forces
against cycling forums, but our hopes have been dashed that the near polar extremes of the two
paternal donor's backgrounds would have cancelled."
Secret Autolian documents describing the "golden one's" early mentoring sessions and writings have
rejoiced about the precocious skill of their clone: "All hail with jubilation!" Our maximum
extremist streaks around the margins of political discourse like an Olympic speed skater! No one can
catch hope to catch his specious ramblings! Death and destruction will fall upon all cycling and its
evil offspring recumbent spawn as they rot from within! We will soon see the day when we can lurk
and laugh uproariously at their cozy little newsgroup homes flaming self-immolation! And even if it
takes time, our golden son has decades to work upon them; and we have more on the way!
--
Robert Haston Satellite Beach, FL
It seems a cult of extremely rabid anti-cyclist "Autolians" have succeeded where the Raelians have
failed. They have not only cloned a human, but a human that is the product of the two worst enemies
cycling forums have ever faced.
In a scheme similar to cloning ****** (as portrayed in the movie "Boys from Brazil") they have
cloned the two worst enemies of the strongest forums for cycling: rec.bicycles.soc, which is the
forum for advancing the social cause of cycling, and alt.rec.bicycles.recumbent which is the largest
forum for this fastest growing sector of bicycling.
In what internal memos describe as "pure genius" they secretly collected DNA samples from Mike
Vandeman, the lunatic left-wing environmentalist who had single-handedly brought rec.bicycles.soc to
his knees with endless posts, cross-posts and threatening email wars against off-road cycling
(something .soc specifically excludes).
They stitched Vandeman's DNA with that of Ed Dolan, the radical right wing neo-conservative, who has
cut the top off of .recumbents' meteoric rise and cast a vision upon it as dark as the wandering
bickering that has descended upon .soc.
The best estimate is that numerous fetuses were cultivated until a healthy male was carried
full-term by a female autolian member who gave birth sometime in the early to mid '90s. An
undisclosed agent who had penetrated the autolian's sect spoke only after guarantee of anonymity:
"You don't understand the threat this poses. Not only does this combine the most destructive forces
against cycling forums, but our hopes have been dashed that the near polar extremes of the two
paternal donor's backgrounds would have cancelled."
Secret Autolian documents describing the "golden one's" early mentoring sessions and writings have
rejoiced about the precocious skill of their clone: "All hail with jubilation!" Our maximum
extremist streaks around the margins of political discourse like an Olympic speed skater! No one can
catch hope to catch his specious ramblings! Death and destruction will fall upon all cycling and its
evil offspring recumbent spawn as they rot from within! We will soon see the day when we can lurk
and laugh uproariously at their cozy little newsgroup homes flaming self-immolation! And even if it
takes time, our golden son has decades to work upon them; and we have more on the way!
--
Robert Haston Satellite Beach, FL