Dark in here...

Discussion in 'The Bike Cafe' started by Vo2, Feb 13, 2002.

  1. Vo2

    Vo2 Member

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    A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.

    Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door.
    Her husband comes home, so she puts her lover in the
    closet with the little boy.

    The little boy says, "Dark in here."
    The man says, "Yes it is."
    Boy- "I have a baseball."
    Man- "That''s nice."
    Boy- "Want to buy it?"
    Man- "No, thanks."
    Boy- "My dad''s outside."
    Man- "OK, how much?"
    Boy- "$250."

    In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom''s lover are in the closet together.

    The little boy says, "Dark in here."
    Man- "Yes, it is."
    Boy- "I have a baseball glove."
    The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
    Boy- "$750."
    Man- "Fine."

    A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let''s go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."

    The boy says, "I can''t. I sold them."
    The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
    Boy- "$1,000."
    The father says, "That''s terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that is way more than those two things cost. I''m going to take you to church and make you confess."

    They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here."
    The priest says, "Don''t start that crap again."
     
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  2. Guest

    Guest Guest

    ;D ;D ;D Good one!!

    Add It Up: Relationship Guide

    For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
    Here is a guide to the point system.

    Simple Duties:
    You make the bed..+1
    You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pllows..0
    You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..-1
    You leave the toilet seat up..-5
    You leave the toilet lid down..-10 after the lights are out..-30
    You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..0
    When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex..-1
    When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
    You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings..+5
    But return with beer ..-5
    You check out a suspicious noise at night ...0
    You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..0
    You check out a suspicious noise and it's something..+5
    You pummel it with a six iron..+10
    It's her father..-10

    Social Engagements:
    You stay by her side the entire party..0
    You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy..-2
    Named Tiffany..-4
    Tiffany is a dancer..-6
    Tiffany has implants..-8

    Her Birthday:
    You take her out to dinner..0
    You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1
    Okay, it is a sports bar..-2
    And it's all-you-can-eat night..-3
    It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..-10

    A Night Out With The Boys:
    Go out with a pal ..-5
    And the pal is happily married ..-4
    Or frighteningly single ..-7
    And he drives a Mustang..-10
    With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ..-15

    A Night Out:
    You take her to a movie..+2
    You take her to a movie she likes..+4
    You take her to a movie you hate..+6
    You take her to a movie you like..-2
    It's called DeathCop 3..-3
    Which features cyborgs having sex..-9
    You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans ..-15

    Your Physique:
    You develop a noticeable potbelly..-15
    You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it....+10
    You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ..-30
    You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"...-800

    The Big Question:
    She asks, "Do I look fat?" ..-5
    You hesitate in responding..-10
    You reply, "Where?"..-35

    Communication:
    When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression ..0
    When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..+5
    You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..+10
    She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..-20
     
  3. Vo2

    Vo2 Member

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    hehehe! ;D
    I'm a good listener, especially when the wife's not talking!

    ...but you guys will be amazed how many smiles you get from other girls when you pick up some panty-liners for the wife/gf! For some reason they find it funny! ??? :-[
     
  4. Guest

    Guest Guest

    AT LAST. A BLONDE GUY JOKE!

    An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on
    scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the
    Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage
    one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

    The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again!
    If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

    The blonde guy opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a
    bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."

    The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and
    cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito
    and he jumped too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and
    jumped to his death as well.

    At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how
    really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it
    to him again!"

    The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or
    enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

    Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's guy’s wife. "Hey, don't look at
    me," she said, "He always makes his own lunch."
     
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