Dining Out Ettiquette Question

Sheryl Rosen said:

in article [email hidden], Steve Wertz at [email hidden] wrote on
2/27/04 10:28 PM:

Quoted message said:

You (person A) give them back half the money. You still got your sandwich for half price,
partially covering the cost of the book.

So what did you end up doing, or are you not going to tell us until you tally the votes?

-sw

I love watching the assumptions pile up!!!!

One person assumed I was Person B, and assuming I was unhappy because I felt I should not have
paid the entire price. You, ever wanting to paint ~me~ as the villain, decided I must be Person A,
trying to cheat my friend out of a couple bucks.

The fact of the matter is, I am neither person.

I was merely a disinterested party, as I watched this happen at work today. I posed it here
because I thought it would be an interesting conversation starter!

Well, it beats watching the laundry dry, I guess :-)

--
Best Greg

Nancy Young said:

Exactly my point. It's like Person A said, hmm, I have this coupon, what schmuck can I get to buy
a sandwich and a drink so I can get mine for free? A real user. nancy

I guess when I have something good I'm inclined to share it. If I were A, I'd have said "I've got
this coupon, we can both eat for half off." I just wouldn't be thinking of the cost of the book,
as I had already paid for that and it was a "write off" and over with.... the coupons I now have I
share freely. My generosity might pave the way for others generosity down the line. You never
know. Goomba

Goomba38 said:

Nancy Young said:

Exactly my point. It's like Person A said, hmm, I have this coupon, what schmuck can I get to
buy a sandwich and a drink so I can get mine for free? A real user. nancy

I guess when I have something good I'm inclined to share it. If I were A, I'd have said "I've
got this coupon, we can both eat for half off." I just wouldn't be thinking of the cost of the
book, as I had already paid for that and it was a "write off" and over with.... the coupons I
now have I share freely. My generosity might pave the way for others generosity down the line.
You never know.

I'm with you. Just split the bill, I mean, how much can a sandwich and a soda cost? They both get a
bargain, what's the big deal. I would not be comfortable asking someone to buy a sandwich *and* a
drink so that I could have mine for free. I mean, did person a say, oh, you can't just have a
sandwich, you have to order a drink as well?

nancy

All these answers! If one invites one to dine then the invitor always pay the whole bill. If this is
an office situation or similar, then just don't offer to pick something up for someone else and save
your coupon for when you take someone to lunch or plan to treat them.

D.
------------------------------------------------
"Sheryl Rosen" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Person A purchased one of those Entertainment Books for about $25 or so.

The

Quoted message said:

book consists of coupons for restaurants, fast food places, and every sort of eating establishment
in between (and other sort of places).

Quoted message said:

sandwich shop which states "Buy one sandwich and a drink, get one sandwich and drink free".

Person A offers to get something for Person B, who thanks them for being

so

Quoted message said:

thoughtful and hands over enough money to cover their order, along with a note with the specs of
the sandwich and drink they want.

Person A has this coupon.....buy one sandwich and drink, get one sandwich and drink free.

Person A (essentially) paid for this coupon.

Here's the question: Does Person A walk into the deli, order 2

sandwiches,

Quoted message said:

and 2 drinks, hand over Person B's money and the coupon, and walk out,

never

Quoted message said:

mentioning the coupon to Person B?

Or does Person A chip in for half of the total cost, and give Person B

back

Quoted message said:

half their money, explaining about the coupon?

Discuss!

Dave Smith <[email hidden]> deliciously posted in
:"]news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

jmcquown said:

Quoted message said:

Precisely why Person A should split the cost of the meal. They picked the place because of the
coupon. Person B might have preferred pizza, for all we know.

nancy

But Person B didn't have to say "Yeah, pick me up a sandwich and bring it back!" Person B could
have ordered the pizza and never thought twice about it.

I feel, if I paid $25 for a coupon book and then I say hey, anyone else want something as long as
I'm making the trip? it's their dime.

And if they insist on getting half the discount for the coupon, let them pay for half the book :-)

And 2 sandwiches should just about do it.

Michael

--
Deathbed statement...

"Codeine . . . bourbon." ~~Tallulah Bankhead, actress, d. December 12, 1968

Dave Smith <[email hidden]> deliciously posted in
:"]news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

Curly Sue said:

Even though there are economic factors of time and effort involved, this is not a business
relationship. A is not a seller and it's not even a bartering relationship. A has volunteered to
do something for B- pick up a sandwich. The implicit idea of a volunteer relationship is that A
is doing something for B without any cost. Therefore, A is indeed obligated to represent the true
cost of B's sandwich and is not able to tack on any other service charge, especially without B's
knowledge. B has the right to know the true cost to A and is only required to pay that amount.

The true cost of B's sandwich is whatever the place charges for a sandwich. It is exactly what it
would have been if B had gone to the store him/herself. Once that is paid, A's sandwich is free.
But then, it wasn't really free because A paid for the coupon book.

I think the entire crux of the conversation is about what some people consider ethical and some do
not. Everyone is basically right. I suppose it is what you feel comfortable with. I still maintain
splitting it down the middle is the appropriate thing, but that's me. If I was that pissy about it,
I'd never offer to bring a sandwich back for B to begin with unless I wanted their $ to pay for the
sandwich I had to buy.

Michael
--
Deathbed statement...

"Codeine . . . bourbon." ~~Tallulah Bankhead, actress, d. December 12, 1968

zxcvbob said:

Agreed. But I also liked the suggestion Julia made yesterday where "A" offers to go get "B" a free
sandwich and never mentions the coupon. Or even does mention the coupon and offers to use it to
get "B" a free lunch.

<big sigh of relief> At least someone is paying attention! Notice how this solution addresses all
issues of who benefits from whom and who gets taken advantage of. It puts it all on the level of
friends doing nice things for each other.

--Lia

In article <[email hidden]>, "No One"

Quoted message said:

All these answers! If one invites one to dine then the invitor always pay the whole bill.
D.

One do? "Always" is pretty powerful. Jeez, when I call Mavis and ask if she and Merle want to go out
for supper with us, we just split the bill. Special circumstances warrant the Host-Guest thang. If I
call Mavis and say, "Hey, let's do lunch for your birthday, I understand that I'll pick up la cuenta
and she gets the idea when it happens. Or when I add, "My treat" to the initial invitation. Except
for special occasions, I prefer to pay my own way because I cannot often afford to reciprocate in
the style to which I've been treated.
--
-Barb, <www.jamlady.eboard.com> updated 2-19-04 -- Dufus picture posted!

In article <at60c.3839$506.38@fed1read05>, "Nexis" <[email hidden]>

Quoted message said:

"Melba's Jammin'" <[email hidden]> wrote in message news:barbschaller-
[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

<SNIP>

Quoted message said:

I'm sticking with my assessment that the gracious thing to do is for Jack and Jill to split the
total. Case closed. (Thwacks gavel on its thwack receiver.)
--
-Barb, <www.jamlady.eboard.com> updated 2-19-04 -- Dufus picture posted!

So, is that the technical term for that? The Thwack receiver? lol

kimberly

It is. Took me a long time to remember the term, too.
--
-Barb, <www.jamlady.eboard.com> updated 2-19-04 -- Dufus picture posted!

Sheryl Rosen said:

Person A purchased one of those Entertainment Books for about $25 or so. The book consists of
coupons for restaurants, fast food places, and every sort of eating establishment in between (and
other sort of places).

Quoted message said:

sandwich shop which states "Buy one sandwich and a drink, get one sandwich and drink free".

Person A offers to get something for Person B, who thanks them for being so thoughtful and hands
over enough money to cover their order, along with a note with the specs of the sandwich and drink
they want.

Person A has this coupon.....buy one sandwich and drink, get one sandwich and drink free.

Let's turn it around.

What if A is going out to pick up the food and asks B if he/she wants anything. A then pulls out the
coupon and says that since A is getting a sandwich anyway, could he/she get one for him/her. I see
no reason that A could not pick up the sandwich and redeem the coupon on B's behalf. If it were me,
I would have no problem doing that. I was going anyway and it's not costing me any more or less than
it would have if I had just got my own.

In article <[email hidden]>,

Melba's Jammin said:

Except for special occasions, I prefer to pay my own way because I cannot often afford to
reciprocate in the style to which I've been treated.

This is how I feel as well. There are some friends we are close with and it doesn't bother us to
be treated by them, because we are that close and they know our situation, but often I feel like
I can't return the favor, so I'd rather turn it down. We have some extraordinarily wealthy
neighbors, and they have treated us to lavish dinners and parties at their home, as well as two
concerts, and even though I enjoy it, I'm thinking of turning down the next one, because there's
just no way that anything we do to thank them or reciprocate will come close to matching what
they've given us.

Regards, Ranee

--
Remove do not and spam to e-mail me.

"The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in
shrines made by man." Acts 17:24

"Goomba38" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Nancy Young said:

Exactly my point. It's like Person A said, hmm, I have this coupon, what schmuck can I get to
buy a sandwich and a drink so I can get mine for free? A real user. nancy

I guess when I have something good I'm inclined to share it. If I were A,

I'd

Quoted message said:

have said "I've got this coupon, we can both eat for half off." I just

wouldn't

Quoted message said:

be thinking of the cost of the book, as I had already paid for that and it

was a

Quoted message said:

"write off" and over with.... the coupons I now have I share freely. My generosity might pave the
way for others generosity down the line. You

never

Quoted message said:

know. Goomba

Good attitude. If only more people were like that!

--
Peter Aitken

Remove the [censored] from my email address before using.

In article <[email hidden]>, Dave Smith

Quoted message said:

My wife bought one of those books once. I was not thrilled that she had, but it wa a good cause. I
doubt that the cause got much of the proceeds. Most of it would have gone to the promotion
company. They were for places that we would not normally go, services that we had no use for and
the restaurants that we had not been to. We used only one of the coupons. It was a buffet dinner.
I am glad that we got to eat there for half price, because I would have been terribly disappointed
if I had paid twice that much for the dinner we go. We have never been back to it.

I think it depends on the location, too. We get our book for about $30, there are gas coupons
in there that we use at least around $30 worth in a year, then some bogos for places that we
want to try or go to anyway. There are also some coupons for the zoo, children's museum, art
museum, science museum, etc, which we use because we have kids and guests with kids. We've only
used the "fine" dining coupons a couple times, but the people were great about it and wouldn't
punch the card.

Regards, Ranee

--
Remove do not and spam to e-mail me.

"The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in
shrines made by man." Acts 17:24

in article [email hidden], Ranee
Mueller at [email hidden] wrote on 2/28/04 7:04 PM:

Quoted message said:

We have some extraordinarily wealthy neighbors, and they have treated us to lavish dinners and
parties at their home, as well as two concerts, and even though I enjoy it, I'm thinking of
turning down the next one, because there's just no way that anything we do to thank them or
reciprocate will come close to matching what they've given us.

There are people in this world who receive great joy in doing nice things for the people in their
life. The only "reciprocity" they need or even desire is the gratitude of the people they host and
the pleasure of their company.

The only aspect of reciprocating between True Friends that need be matched is the spirit in which it
is done, certainly not the expense.

If someone treats you to a lavish meal, because that is within their means and their style, and you
have a wonderful time, they've accomplished their goal of spending time with you and enjoying your
company and your pleasure at the meal they've prepared. And if they are real friends, they will take
just as much joy out of a simple spaghetti meal, if that's within your means and style, as long as
it's served up with just as much love and generosity of spirit as theirs was.

That's the beauty of True Friendship.

To deny your friend the pleasure of your company because you feel "there's just no way that anything
we do to thank them or reciprocate will come close to matching what they've given us" would be a
very hurtful thing to do.

Sheryl Rosen <[email hidden]> wrote in
:"]news:[email hidden]:

Quoted message said:

in article [email hidden], Ranee Mueller at
[email hidden] wrote on 2/28/04 7:04 PM:

Quoted message said:

We have some extraordinarily wealthy neighbors, and they have treated us to lavish dinners and
parties at their home, as well as two concerts, and even though I enjoy it, I'm thinking of
turning down the next one, because there's just no way that anything we do to thank them or
reciprocate will come close to matching what they've given us.

There are people in this world who receive great joy in doing nice things for the people in their
life. The only "reciprocity" they need or even desire is the gratitude of the people they host and
the pleasure of their company.

The only aspect of reciprocating between True Friends that need be matched is the spirit in which
it is done, certainly not the expense.

If someone treats you to a lavish meal, because that is within their means and their style, and
you have a wonderful time, they've accomplished their goal of spending time with you and enjoying
your company and your pleasure at the meal they've prepared. And if they are real friends, they
will take just as much joy out of a simple spaghetti meal, if that's within your means and style,
as long as it's served up with just as much love and generosity of spirit as theirs was.

That's the beauty of True Friendship.

To deny your friend the pleasure of your company because you feel "there's just no way that
anything we do to thank them or reciprocate will come close to matching what they've given us"
would be a very hurtful thing to do.

Also there are people who are Lonely and starved for Company...And the only re-payment they desire
is the company and the conversation... Dining alone sucks big time. Wether it is a work in a lunch
room or out in a restaurant...it isn't so bad in your own home.

--
Once during Prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
--------
FIELDS, W. C.

Dave Smith said:

I would take the money to pay for their sandwich and get mine with the coupon.

I would expect someone else to do the same.

I'm glad I don't live in your world.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments

"Ranee Mueller" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
"]news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>, Melba's Jammin'

Quoted message said:

Except for special occasions, I prefer to pay my own way because I cannot often afford to
reciprocate in the style to which I've been treated.

This is how I feel as well. There are some friends we are close with and it doesn't bother us
to be treated by them, because we are that close and they know our situation, but often I feel
like I can't return the favor, so I'd rather turn it down. We have some extraordinarily wealthy
neighbors, and they have treated us to lavish dinners and parties at their home, as well as two
concerts, and even though I enjoy it, I'm thinking of turning down the next one, because
there's just no way that anything we do to thank them or reciprocate will come close to
matching what they've given us.

Regards, Ranee

Not in dollar value, perhaps, but in care and attention it surely can.

--
Peter Aitken

Remove the [censored] from my email address before using.

Julia Altshuler said:

How do Person A and Person B like each other in the first place? Everything depends on that.

I can guarentee you that if I was Person A and didn't like Person B. This would be a nonissue
because there is no way I'd share a coupon with that person... under ANY circumstances, even those
that involve ripping off the other person. Delivery charge, Pfffft. Ain't no way I'd go out of my
way (even if it wasn't really "out of my way"😉 for someone I don't like.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments

On Sat, 28 Feb 2004 16:05:20 GMT, [email hidden]

(Curly Sue) said:

Sheryl Rosen said:

Here's the question: Does Person A walk into the deli, order 2 sandwiches, and 2 drinks, hand
over Person B's money and the coupon, and walk out, never mentioning the coupon to Person B?

It depends on what B would do, if A explained the situation. I don't think it's as much an
etiquette problem as a relationship and ethical problem.

Ethically, If B knew that A would use the coupon that way, would B still want A to pick up a
sandwich at the deli? My suspicious is "yes," otherwise what kind of person is B? Someone who
would do without a sandwich just because A gets one free? B is receiving a significant benefit
from A's trip (otherwise, why not go with A?), plus A paid for the coupon book. Based on the
offer af face-value, B would buy a sandwich. Now, why would B choose not to buy the sandwich?
Just to prevent A from getting a sandwich free?

It's a matter of honesty and character. Unfortunately, there are too many people out there who think
that's okay to behave that way and don't know they have a reputation as a money grubbing cheapskate
who'd treat his own mother that way without thinking twice.

Quoted message said:

If A had a coupon for 25 cents off of a sandwich, would A be obligated to split the difference
with B? 50 cents off? $1 off? The price of the sandwich?

If we pooled our money to buy the sandwich (let's say we're splitting a "large"😉, yes. Buy one, get
one free IS pooling money because Person A used Person B's money to buy the first sandwich. This
situation is basically a "twofer". If I was person B, I'd free myself of that cheapskate A pronto.

Quoted message said:

On the relationship front, off course, if A and B were friends and B found out about the coupon
through other means, s/he might be disappointed in A, but that's a different question as to what
A should do, and has as much to do with what B feels he/she is entitled to as a friend).

<snip>

Quoted message said:

Finally, if A and B are sitting at dinner in a restaurant they both agreed on (assuming there is
no undue coercion from A) and A whips out a "free dinner" coupon with the intention of not
sharing, then you may have a more obvious social problem. Economically it doesn't make a
difference to B. It depends on the relationship between the people. If they are friends, it's
tacky and A is a jerk. This event will probably influence the friendship.

Quoted message said:

A is going to run through a lot of friends.

They aren't friends, they are meal tickets - IMO.

Quoted message said:

If they are not friends, it's just tacky.

I agree it's tacky, but who could get away doing that to a stranger? If A managed to trick a
stranger into that scenerio, s/he'd probably end up eating a knuckle sandwich.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments

jmcquown said:

Sheryl Rosen said:

Person A purchased one of those Entertainment Books for about $25 or so. The book consists of
coupons for restaurants, fast food places, and every sort of eating establishment in between
(and other sort of places).

Quoted message said:

Here's where my opinion forks in the road. It is one thing if it's a deli sub sandwich and Person
A gets the sandwich free. It's quite different, I think if we are talking about dining out at a
restaurant for dinner in which the entree costs $25 and Person A gets the meal free while Person
B has to pay for everything he/she eats entirely.

However, the example you provided was a silly sandwich. Heh, who begrudges a sandwich when the
'bring back' delivery is free and they probably would have gone and picked one up anyway?

I do!

Taking turns going to the deli is one thing (and something I don't do, even if the deli is just
across the street) - being made into a meal ticket is entirely different.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments