Do You Even Kamp-rite Bro?

Discussion in 'Cycling Equipment' started by CAMPYBOB, Jun 28, 2015.

  1. CAMPYBOB

    CAMPYBOB Well-Known Member

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    Here toy go...
    http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B002KKBT9Y/ref=cm_cr_pr_pb_opt?ie=UTF8&condition=all

    For only $850 Amellican Dollahs you can have the distinct privilege of lugging this thing around behind your hipster cool steel, custom made-to-measure touring bike.

    Yes, another fine Kick-Me-In-The-Ass-Starter crowd funded brainiac idea for moronic yupster cyclists to run out and thrown down whatever Black-Gold-Platinum-Rhodium credit card is the most impressive on.

    Before posting pics and the obligatory YouTube bullshit 'movie' of this device, I would like to personally thank the inventor of this long needed and desired product for cyclists: You, sir, are leading the way to a brighter future for not only touring cyclists in particular, but for all mankind!

    As they say in STRAVA-land...Kudos! to you, kind inventor type! And may fame and fortune follow you from Portland all the way to Seattle.

    OK...

    to save you the effort of pushing keyboard buttons and wasting the Watts required to type out a few simple words that may or may not require the engaging of three functional brain cells in electro-neuro activity...on to the freak show.

    Campers and Seekers everywhere...CampyBob Web Productions proudly presents to you for your entertainment and personal edification...the One. The Only. The long sought after...

    Kamp-Rite's (as in "You're Doing It WRONG!)...BUSHTREKKA! Yes...BushtreKKA with TWO K's. Because one 'K' is never enough!

    [​IMG]
     
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  2. Volnix

    Volnix Well-Known Member

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    Stabilizer poles... 4 wheels yet it looks flop-able.

    Snake clearance... Now the Blair Witch can [email protected] with you from underneath the tent too!

    Can't wait for the first Indy Horror Movie with one of those in... Waking up after a nice pot smoking night in the bad forest finding a pool of blood underneath it Muhahaha! :D

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOceDBYL82k
     
  3. CAMPYBOB

    CAMPYBOB Well-Known Member

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    Seekers, this is for YOU!

    Imagine hauling that up L'Alpe du Huez or the Izoard! Why, you would be so exhausted at the top you could sleep like a baby on the exposed rocks of Ventoux!

    According to: http://www.gizmag.com/midget-bushtrekka-bicycile-trailer/22167/ it weighs 'only' 56 pounds! Of course by the time you get enough gear in it for your bush trek it will go over the scales around 90-100+ pounds.

    That weight will, of course, be dependent upon the mass of your fine bone China and silver place settings.

    Since it will be only YOU, Seeker, having sex with YOURSELF in this ONE-PERSON!!! 32" wide tent...you might want to add an inflatable sex doll to your packed kit. Or just bring Swampy along if you don't mind the added weight and constant chatter.

    Yeah, it's only 32" wide so you can get it through those tight spots between boulders on the trail so you best be very good friends with whomever else you might want to cram in the tent with you and your gear.

    And then after blowing $850-$900 on the rig, there's this:

    "An additional word of caution courtesy of the folks at Red Ferret, who observed a pair of Amazon customer reviews from less-than-satisfied customers that suggest the bushings supporting the wheel assemblies are rather prone to failure. Caution, then, unless you're made of money."

    Brilliant! Failed bushings in the Bush!

    No. You can't make this shit up, Seekers! Once, again, we have a perfect example of art imitating life or life imitating trash or some such crap.

    Be sure and bring your mother-in-law! There's plenty of room for TWO dead hookers in the trunk!

    [​IMG]
     
  4. CAMPYBOB

    CAMPYBOB Well-Known Member

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    When those plastic wheel bushings fail?

    No problem! Slap a set of real ball bearings in those shiny wheels and put them on your Yamahopper choppah!

    [​IMG]

    Ok, Seekers!

    Who, among this forum full of Seekers, will be the first to order the Kamp-Rite Midget (It must be a rather large midget and I thought the politically correct replacement code word we use these enlightened days is actually 'Little Person'.) Bushtrekka in numbers sufficient to sleep the entire family in off-the-ground- comfort and protection from Blair Snakes and Jason?
     
  5. CAMPYBOB

    CAMPYBOB Well-Known Member

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    Seekers! we all know you Live to Ride and Ride to Pull this insanity behind you for a few hundred three miles of ADVENTURE!

    [​IMG]

    Don't Kamp-Wrong, yo!
     
  6. Volnix

    Volnix Well-Known Member

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    Is it waterproof? :D Does it float? :D

    Le me wants to camp in the middle of the lake and use my stainless Columbus XCr for an anchor! :D

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ljOj6GVcnQ
     
  7. CAMPYBOB

    CAMPYBOB Well-Known Member

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    An Un-Happy Camper: Bushtrekka critical failure video:

    Broken after only 45 miles of use:

    [media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruW3q-oUuMc[/media]

    [media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSotaetOkQY[/media]

    I wonder how many Seekers have purchased this trailer in the years it was on the market?
     
  8. Volnix

    Volnix Well-Known Member

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    Ok... for some serious questions now...

    Does it come in "Pig-Pink" or "NRA Camo"?

    Can it be fitted with bullet proof solar panels?

    Is there a disk brake option?

    Does it have a shotgun rack?

    Is it Woods-Nutso approved?

    Is it made by slash proof Kevlar?

    Can the ropes be used for suspending it from a tree in case there are Indiana Jones numbers of snakes underneath?

    Can it fit 2 hookers with Full Party Gear? Or 3 Brazilian ones in Brazilian Bikinis?

    Can you fit it with wings in case you are to do some downhill - gliding with it?

    Does it float?

    Can you fit it with a sled for snow adventures? (Can you attach it to a pack of sled dogs?)

    Does it float??

    Can you use it with a touring bike or do you have to use the illustrated mtb disk hardtail?

    Does it have carbon bottle cages?

    Does it float??? :D
     
  9. CAMPYBOB

    CAMPYBOB Well-Known Member

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    And some serious answers...

    Does it come in "Pig-Pink" or "NRA Camo"?
    Those colors have been banned by the EU as offensive and hurtful, but in America and Putin's Russia camo is always an option.

    Can it be fitted with bullet proof solar panels?
    If ordered on an Amish credit card over a cell phone fro Pennsyltucky, yes.

    Is there a disk brake option?
    That's only available to sissies living in Commiefornia.

    Does it have a shotgun rack?
    STANDARD equipment, Broseph!

    Is it Woods-Nutso approved?
    Of course and there's a YouTube Video to back that claim up! Search on, Wayne!

    Is it made by slash proof Kevlar?
    Sure. We can do that. It adds another 24 pounds to the curb weight, but who's counting?

    Can the ropes be used for suspending it from a tree in case there are Indiana Jones numbers of snakes underneath?
    No. You can specify the air-over-hydraulic jack option, however. This adds 3' lift capacity and 162 pounds to the weight.

    Can it fit 2 hookers with Full Party Gear? Or 3 Brazilian ones in Brazilian Bikinis?
    Depends. We need pictures to determine volumetric capacity.

    Can you fit it with wings in case you are to do some downhill - gliding with it?
    Are you crazoid? Of course we can. Flight insurance is extra.

    Does it float?
    If packed with hookers with sufficiently sized floatation devices, yes.

    Can you fit it with a sled for snow adventures? (Can you attach it to a pack of sled dogs?)
    The answer to both is yes.

    Does it float??
    For specifics, furnish pictures of floatation devices.

    Can you use it with a touring bike or do you have to use the illustrated mtb disk hardtail?
    Folding bikes...Tour de France racers...custom Reynolds shopping bikes...what does it matter?

    Does it have carbon bottle cages?
    No. But it does have an office water cooler.

    Does it float???
    Again, I refer you to familiarizing yourself with the floatation devices and please memorize the location of the exits.
     
  10. BikeBikeBikeBike

    BikeBikeBikeBike Well-Known Member

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    V and B are hands down the most entertaining pair on this forum.
    Good like 13 laughs from this thread alone.
     
  11. ABNPFDR

    ABNPFDR Member

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    Hold on a second - forget about the camper for a second - tell me about the kickstand on the mountain bike!
     
  12. CAMPYBOB

    CAMPYBOB Well-Known Member

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    Kickstand? That's just a display stand. No one in their right mind would lug that kind of weight around!

    Wait...wut?
     
  13. Volnix

    Volnix Well-Known Member

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    At least it doesn't look dangerous! :D

    I bet that you can load that baby with hookers and beer crates and descent on a slippery mountain gravel road without any problems!!!

    That cam-arm or what's it called securing the bike with it will definitely not pull you in a cliff!

    But... If it does... You definitely need the propane kitchen option!

    Imagine that last scene from the Go Pro filmed epic adventure... The explosion blasting hookers, inflatable crocodile sea beds, football's, freesbys, beer cans, heck make that beer bottles, dildos, fishing poles, foldable mugs and ice axes in a planecrash grade radius... :D

    Can you ride that vehicle in a mountain descent in the rain?

    "I am serious and don't call me Shirley!" :D

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A5t5_O8hdA
     
  14. swampy1970

    swampy1970 Well-Known Member

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    Im guessing bearings by Campingnolo?

    That thing needs more carbon and less Fisher Price.

    Not recommended in Bob's neck of the woods or in any country where Volnix is. They don't have to drag your body kicking and screaming into the forest, as some tape over the zipper is all that's required to keep you at bay whilst conveniently being ridden into the woods on your own bike.
     
  15. swampy1970

    swampy1970 Well-Known Member

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    Loose nuts and broken lips and it's not even a porno featuring Volnix and the 4 sexy poles he brought along to stabilize the tent. I'm ass-uming there are 4 sexy women left in Poland.

    Wobbly nuts: camp-rite, thread-wrong. These guys need to get the thread pitch right before pitching their low buck mobile home. Brings a whole new meaning to trailer trash.
     
  16. swampy1970

    swampy1970 Well-Known Member

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    Loose nuts and broken lips and it's not even a porno featuring Volnix and the 4 sexy poles he brought along to stabilize the tent. I'm ass-uming there are 4 sexy women left in Poland.

    Wobbly nuts: camp-rite, thread-wrong. These guys need to get the thread pitch right before pitching their low buck mobile home. Brings a whole new meaning to trailer trash.
     
  17. CAMPYBOB

    CAMPYBOB Well-Known Member

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    "Im guessing bearings by Campingnolo?"

    Nope. More craptastic Asian quarity, made from recycled shitmaNO S'mores.

    Domo arigato, Mr. Loboto, for playing though.

    Now hitch your camper van Beethoven to a star and let's hope your recalled disco brakes keep you from sailing off a cliff on the PCH with a Booshtrekka pushing you all the way down.
     
  18. Volnix

    Volnix Well-Known Member

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    Challenge accepted! :D

    I bet I could descent with that thing... But just in case I will skip the clipless pedals. :D

    Do you sell Bush-Trekka??? :D

    (Polish women need two Bushtrekkas each just for their booze.)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9_jIa2WADc
     
  19. Volnix

    Volnix Well-Known Member

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    Maybe I should fill it with propane to make it more interesting! :D

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Me7A0V34cSQ
     
  20. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Member

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    Really interesting. Thank you.
     
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