do you pee off your bike?

Discussion in 'The Bike Cafe' started by zmanzzzz, May 19, 2003.

  1. JuneBug

    JuneBug New Member

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  2. Rader

    Rader New Member

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    Never done it... (Interesting thread)
     
  3. davek

    davek New Member

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    What a highly entertaining thread.

    I've never peed while on my bike but I don't race so I always have time to stop and find a tree to go behind.

    I once peed myself while playing football [soccer] - I was in goal and play was concentrated up the other end of the pitch but I didn't want to desert my post in case of sudden counter-attack, so I just let rip. It was a cold, rainy, windy day and I was already soaked and covered in mud anyway so there was no danger of anyone noticing.
     
  4. mxpilot

    mxpilot New Member

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    I am glad to see this topic talked about. I am one who "has to go when I have to go". My problem is that I ride in a mostly residential neighborhood. No where to pee. So what I do is slide it out the bottom of my shorts then extend over the back of seat with my stomach on seat then I let it go. Works and low key. I wish there was a better way. Any inventions ?
     
  5. Stevedvg

    Stevedvg New Member

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    how about a short length of hose-pipe attached to the weener with duct-tape and pointed out over the side of the bike? :D
     
  6. ProfTournesol

    ProfTournesol New Member

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    so you're happy to rip off the duct tape are you?
     
  7. Stevedvg

    Stevedvg New Member

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    uhm...I obviously didn't think of the whole removal bit :( So much for my invention - It would work but would also most certainly result in death! :eek:
     
  8. JuneBug

    JuneBug New Member

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    hey they already have something like that for women!!!! LOL

    But it might not be too late to get a patent on that invention!!
     
  9. Stevedvg

    Stevedvg New Member

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    Patenting the device is not the problem - but having to tear off your weener when removing it will definately be a drawback :eek:
     
  10. meehs

    meehs New Member

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    Wasn't there a story about LeMond getting violently ill during a Tour De France and shooting vile greeninsh-brown ooze out his hind end, through his shorts and onto his rear tire? Then upon coming in contact with the spinning wheel, proceeded to spray the poor, unsuspecting riders behind him with toxic smelling fecal matter? Seriously! I remember hearing something like that!

    Personally I think that if I were to attempt to relieve myself while riding I would probably soil myself.
     
  11. timdodge

    timdodge New Member

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    ... As we came down to 20 laps to go I had a bit of a problem... I had to urinate - and bad. In a road race I would drift off the back and have a teammate push me as I tinkled. Peeing off the bike is fairly easy; you just need to lean to one side of the bike and stretch down your bibs. You need to pick a long straight downhill section and one-hand steer your bike. Keeping track of wind direction, feathering the brake, and reducing post-pee-dribble all come with experience. There are a few more curveballs, however, when relieving yourself in a balls-out 8-corner criterium. The first is that you are always going 30mph or faster, the second is that there are spectators around the entire course, and the third is that you have to turn every 15 seconds. Like McGyver in the old TV show, I came up with a plan using the simple objects around me. The absolute worst thing that could happen is that I would end up with piss all over myself. I figured that was better than holding it for another hour. So here goes: I orchestrated my covert pee plan to happen as soon as the pace let up a hair. First, I prepared a water bottle. After I emptied the bottle, I pulled the top off. I put the bottle back in my front cage for easy access. Step two: I pulled my jersey up half way to expose my bib shorts (It would have been cake if I had regular shorts). I then practiced slipping the bottle in my shorts with my right leg at the bottom of the pedal stroke. I figured I had about 20 seconds of pee time if I could coast down the hill. Remember folks, if I pedaled while the bottle was in my shorts, I would have dumped a bottle of pee down the front of my crotch.

    With 17 laps to go I took the topless bottle from my cage and stuffed it down my shorts on the inside of my right thigh. The pace stayed high so I rode like this for two laps. I pray no photographers took any pictures during these two laps or I will have girls calling the house non-stop. It must have looked really, really weird to the spectators as well. The race finally eased up a bit on a descent and I immediately got out of my seat, lined everything up, and started peeing with all the force I could muster. I managed to get around the downhill turn maintaining the stream without pedaling my bike. As I was just starting to lose contact with the field, I felt something warm and wet hit my skin and I knew I had overfilled the bottle and it was time to shut it down. I pulled out a full bottle of warm urine, dumped it out on the road, and jettisoned the bottle far into a bush. Luckily I was able to find the bottle after the race and make sure that a fan didn't use it to house his next cold beer.

    I pulled the whole thing off without a hitch and the fans had no idea what happened. The whole adventure took my mind off the race for about five laps and before I knew it there were only 10 laps to go.

    Source: http://visionquestcoaching.com/2003-DownersChamp.asp
     
  12. JuneBug

    JuneBug New Member

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    oh that was YOU!!! hmmmmmmm ;)
     
  13. ProfTournesol

    ProfTournesol New Member

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    Bravo! That effort deserves a medal in itself! I just hope that wasn't a Zefal Magnum bottle that was overflowing.
     
  14. zmanzzzz

    zmanzzzz New Member

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    hi junebug! is that really your bum? ;)
     
  15. JuneBug

    JuneBug New Member

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    If .

    If I rode in that . I would have MORE saddle sores than ANYONE ever imagined. HUGE ones.

    can't they make an instant cure for saddle sores??

    and no ...alas. I dont have that cool skirt. But I tell you. Her legs are stronger than mine!@
    I nabbed that off a German bike Forum so I think she is probalby German, or Austrian.
    credit to where its due.

    j
     
  16. JuneBug

    JuneBug New Member

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  17. krulich

    krulich New Member

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    I've seen triathletes pee off of their bikes in lots of races, particularly ironman (longer) races.
     
  18. ProfTournesol

    ProfTournesol New Member

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    their races must be short or they would start to rust.:) javascript:smilie(':)')
     
  19. zmanzzzz

    zmanzzzz New Member

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  20. SpaceMarine

    SpaceMarine New Member

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    OMG

    I don't think I have ever seen such a funny thread! And how LONG does it want to be? hahaha

    I hope this continues on forever, people need to keep writing!

    J
     
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