Drunk jokes

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by RidingSeed, Jul 5, 2013.

  1. RidingSeed

    RidingSeed New Member

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    I'll start off.

    Three drunk guys get out of a club and get into a taxi. The taxi driver noticed they were drunk, so he asked them where they want to go, turned on the engine, switched it off and claimed they reached the destination. The first guy hands him the money, the second guy says thanks and gets out of the car, and the third guy slaps him. The driver got scared, thinking the guy realized the car didn't move an inch and asked why did he get slapped. The guys said: "Control your speed next time, you almost killed us!"
     
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  2. ElvinTom

    ElvinTom New Member

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    Q: What is a drunk man's idea of a balanced diet?
    A: A Budweiser in each hand!
     
  3. Tayla188

    Tayla188 New Member

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    :embarrassed:A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
     
  4. Dexter49

    Dexter49 New Member

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    A guy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. Just before he takes a sip of his whiskey, a guy runs in and says, "Bill, your house burnt down!" So he runs outside, but then he thinks, "I don't have a house," so he goes back into the bar and takes a sip of his whiskey. Another guy runs in and says, "Bill! Your dad died!" He runs out of the bar, gets on his horse and rides a little ways, but then thinks, "I don't have a dad," so he goes back into the bar and drinks almost all of his whiskey. Then another guy runs in and says, "Bill! You won the lottery!" So he runs out, gets on his horse and rides all the way to the bank, but then he thinks, "My name's not Bill."[​IMG][​IMG]
     
  5. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Member

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    Last joke was good.
     
  6. SapnaTheBaller3

    SapnaTheBaller3 New Member

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    That first and last joke were hilarious.
     
  7. BikeBikeBikeBike

    BikeBikeBikeBike Well-Known Member

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    A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum replied, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
     
  8. swalia

    swalia Member

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    Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.
     
  9. CrankyThunder

    CrankyThunder Member

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    When he sobered up (ok, I added that part to make it a drunk joke), Donald Trump announced that he is withdrawing his name for candidate for President of the United States of America.

    Turns out he really didn't want to downsize and the neighborhood stinks anyways.
     
  10. swalia

    swalia Member

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    A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please."
    "Did you bring a container for this?"
    "You're speaking to it."
     
  11. swalia

    swalia Member

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    What's the difference between men and pigs?
    Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
     
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