emotional intelligence and a biking situation

Discussion in 'Recumbent bicycles' started by Dh, Nov 14, 2003.

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  1. Dh

    Dh Guest

    I pride myself on having a high emotional IQ; I like to think I'm in control of my emotions. I had a
    situation confront me a few days ago that unfortunately I can not re live, but at the very least,
    can learn from.

    I was biking past a high school (or a junior college) as the kids were leaving to go home. As I
    biked by a group of kids, someone threw something (ice I think) that broke under my bike. Nothing
    was damaged, but I just got pissed and immediately stopped. First, I fell off my bike getting off so
    quickly which provided entertainment for the kiddies. I then walked back to the group where the
    'thing' was thrown and yelled 'who threw that?'.

    No one said anything and it was no win situation for me. What are you going to do, you're out
    numbered, they're bigger and I'm the one displaying lots of emotion.

    _If_ I had to do that all over again, I was have calmly stopped my bike, calmly walked up to the
    group and calmly asked, 'how old are you?, do you attend this school?, don't you think that behavior
    is a bit childish?' ... or something like that and calmly walk back to my bike.

    Sometimes, not always, a very calm approach is unsettling and can make more of a point. Also, all of
    the 'kids' were larger than I and if there had been a serious fight, I would not be writing this
    from home. There are times, however, I wish I were 6' 4'' and weighed 220 pounds.

    Lesson learned ...
     
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  2. Doug Huffman

    Doug Huffman Guest

    Your premise may be a bit faulty in associating high emotional 'q' with 'in control'. The q likely
    lies in the recognition of 'in control'. Being in control of ones emotions verges on avoidance.

    My resolution of this aspect, in me, is to ride armed so that I may not respond in a situation that
    may become an altercation. One of the elements of self-defense in common law is 'be innocent of
    instigation in an altercation'. Whether one is, or is not, is a matter for the 'trier of fact'
    after the fact.

    I'm 6'2" 220# and it doesn't help. The 'responsibility' that I put on with my gun does help.

    'Lesson learned', now that's q.

    "DH" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > I pride myself on having a high emotional IQ; I like to think I'm in control of my emotions. I had
    > a situation confront me a few days ago that unfortunately I can not re live, but at the very
    > least, can learn from.
    >
    > I was biking past a high school (or a junior college) as the kids were leaving to go home. As I
    > biked by a group of kids, someone threw something (ice I think) that broke under my bike. Nothing
    > was damaged, but I just got pissed and immediately stopped. First, I fell off my bike getting off
    > so quickly which provided entertainment for the kiddies. I then walked back to the group where the
    > 'thing' was thrown and yelled 'who threw that?'.
    >
    > No one said anything and it was no win situation for me. What are you going to do, you're out
    > numbered, they're bigger and I'm the one displaying lots of emotion.
    >
    > _If_ I had to do that all over again, I was have calmly stopped my bike, calmly walked up to the
    > group and calmly asked, 'how old are you?, do you attend this school?, don't you think that
    > behavior is a bit childish?' ... or something like that and calmly walk back to my bike.
    >
    > Sometimes, not always, a very calm approach is unsettling and can make more of a point. Also, all
    > of the 'kids' were larger than I and if there had been a serious fight, I would not be writing
    > this from home. There are times, however, I wish I were 6' 4'' and weighed 220 pounds.
    >
    > Lesson learned ...
     
  3. Dh

    Dh Guest

    Doug, you wrote a fair amount of words ... what exactly would you do in the same situation?

    I played that incident through my mind many times ... what if I had had a weapon just to scare the
    shit out of those kids, or what if I had had a can of pepper spray and used it to teach those kids a
    lesson. After all of those scenarios, the only one that made any real sense was to confront them in
    a calm manner and make them see just how childish it really is.

    So, what would you do?
     
  4. "DH" skrev...
    > Doug, you wrote a fair amount of words ... what exactly would you do in the same situation?
    >
    > I played that incident through my mind many times ... what if I had had a weapon just to scare the
    > shit out of those kids, or what if I had had a can of pepper spray and used it to teach those kids
    > a lesson. After all of those scenarios, the only one that made any real sense was to confront them
    > in a calm manner and make them see just how childish it really is.
    >
    > So, what would you do?

    While you might want to whip out the Uzi and pepper them its not excactly the kind of behaviour that
    gets you invited to parties. ;-)

    The other day some braindead driver almost managed to bean me with her car when she swung right in
    front (and almost on top of me). Only braking and turning with the car saved me. Idiot didn't even
    stop. Since she was heading for a residential area with dead end roads I followed and eventually
    tracked down the car.

    What I then didn't do was to rearrange its mirrors etc. Instead I went to the door, rang the bell
    and asked to talk to her. In a calm voice I asked if she was aware she had almost run over me. She
    claimed she had the sun in her eyes but was very apologetic. (Sun in her ears also I guess since I
    yelled pretty loud when it happened.) Anyway I felt a lot better after... well... telling her off
    although I did it calmly and without appearing threathening and it certainly beats a ticket for
    vandalizing a car. Hopefully she learned something too.

    Closest call for me this year.

    Mikael
     
  5. Doug Huffman

    Doug Huffman Guest

    I am not a lawyer I-ANAL

    Exactly my point, under common law (that is not 'common' across the US) self-defense, you may not
    participate in the instigation and still presume self-defense if things go to hell. Your culpability
    will be at issue in a trial.

    What have I done? I've learned to always wave with a full hand rather than with one finger only. The
    smart @$$h0!es will read between the finger-lines and get the point. The dumb ones are stupid enough
    to be 'stupid' and you can't scare them smart - stupid goes clean to the bone.

    I am not a practitioner of karate but yesterday I realized the value of 'the open hand' far beyond
    its martial sense. Maybe in 'English, it is 'easy come, easy go'.

    The four elements of self-defense in common law: 1)be innocent of instigation, 2)attempt to retreat,
    3)use sufficient force to deliver ones self from evil and 4)be in reasonable fear of imminent bodily
    harm. Absent any element, justifiable homicide is still available.

    Sorry for the delay in my response but my newsserver choked when I posted this. I don't know how
    lont it'll take. I tried to see an e-mail but...

    "DH" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Doug, you wrote a fair amount of words ... what exactly would you do in the same situation?
    >
    > I played that incident through my mind many times ... what if I had had a weapon just to scare the
    > shit out of those kids, or what if I had had a can of pepper spray and used it to teach those kids
    > a lesson. After all of those scenarios, the only one that made any real sense was to confront them
    > in a calm manner and make them see just how childish it really is.
    >
    > So, what would you do?
     
  6. Rorschandt

    Rorschandt Guest

    "Mikael Seierup" <[email protected]> wrote in
    news:[email protected]:

    >
    > "DH" skrev...
    >> Doug, you wrote a fair amount of words ... what exactly would you do in the same situation?
    >>
    >> I played that incident through my mind many times ... what if I had had a weapon just to scare
    >> the shit out of those kids, or what if I had had a can of pepper spray and used it to teach those
    >> kids a lesson. After all of those scenarios, the only one that made any real sense was to
    >> confront them in a calm manner and make them see just how childish it really is.
    >>
    >> So, what would you do?
    >
    > While you might want to whip out the Uzi and pepper them its not excactly the kind of behaviour
    > that gets you invited to parties. ;-)
    >

    It depends on the party! :)

    > The other day some braindead driver almost managed to bean me with her car when she swung right in
    > front (and almost on top of me). Only braking and turning with the car saved me. Idiot didn't even
    > stop. Since she was heading for a residential area with dead end roads I followed and eventually
    > tracked down the car.
    >
    > What I then didn't do was to rearrange its mirrors etc. Instead I went to the door, rang the bell
    > and asked to talk to her. In a calm voice I asked if she was aware

    I did something similar recently with a neighbor that quite apparently aimed his car directly for me
    whilst I was walking my dogs. For a few moments, I began to regret confronting him, as he was quite
    angry and powerfully built, and I'm me. Eep. Fortunately, my language skills were better than usual.
    At a moment of silence just before I supposed he would begin to pound the crap out of me, I said
    softly "I guess I'll deal with you later", and began to walk away. He then asked me to stop and
    apologized. I like to think that he saw the error of what he had done, but have a sneaking suspicion
    that I had unintentionally planted the seed of threatened legal action, or perhaps some day when he
    least expected I would retaliate. I am really glad he apologized because my "plan" only entailed
    walking home upset. By the way, nobody is in control of their emotions for long. People who control
    their emotions get ill. The only way to keep cool is to live in harmony with your emotions. Acccept
    what you have as a physical body, and determine what works for you. Sometimes I pack pepper spray,
    and others a
    9mm. With both comes the responibility to use them in self defense only. I had neither when I
    confronted my neighbor!

    Best scenario in the case of the thrown ice would have been to continue riding...

    happy trais, Rorschandt
     
  7. Skip

    Skip Guest

    "Mikael Seierup" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    >
    > The other day some braindead driver almost managed to bean me with her car when she swung right in
    > front (and almost on top of me). Only braking and turning with the car saved me. Idiot didn't even
    > stop. Since she was heading for a residential area with dead end roads I followed and eventually
    > tracked down the car.
    >
    > What I then didn't do was to rearrange its mirrors etc. Instead I went to
    the door,
    > rang the bell and asked to talk to her. In a calm voice I asked if she was
    aware
    > she had almost run over me. She claimed she had the sun in her eyes but
    was very apologetic.
    > (Sun in her ears also I guess since I yelled pretty loud when it
    happened.)
    > Anyway I felt a lot better after... well... telling her off although I did
    it calmly
    > and without appearing threathening and it certainly beats a ticket for
    vandalizing a car.
    > Hopefully she learned something too.
    >
    > Closest call for me this year.
    >
    > Mikael

    Is it possible she didn't see you because you were riding a low racer where your head could have
    been on about the same level as her vehicle's door handles?

    If her first glimpse of a low racer was after you appeared at her door she might consider you brain
    dead for going out in traffic on such a machine.

    Fortunately there was no harm done and both of you now have an interesting story to tell.

    skip - who doesn't have the courage to ride very low bikes in city traffic - at least not in my city
     
  8. I would have been mildly pissed but it's not worth stopping for. I would have kept riding and not
    even acknowledged their action. Deny them everything. They're teenagers and by the sound of it
    stupid teenagers at that. It isn't worth breaking a cadence over.

    "DH" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
    > I pride myself on having a high emotional IQ; I like to think I'm in control of my emotions. I had
    > a situation confront me a few days ago that unfortunately I can not re live, but at the very
    > least, can learn from.
    >
    > I was biking past a high school (or a junior college) as the kids were leaving to go home. As I
    > biked by a group of kids, someone threw something (ice I think) that broke under my bike. Nothing
    > was damaged, but I just got pissed and immediately stopped. First, I fell off my bike getting off
    > so quickly which provided entertainment for the kiddies. I then walked back to the group where the
    > 'thing' was thrown and yelled 'who threw that?'.
    >
    > No one said anything and it was no win situation for me. What are you going to do, you're out
    > numbered, they're bigger and I'm the one displaying lots of emotion.
    >
    > _If_ I had to do that all over again, I was have calmly stopped my bike, calmly walked up to the
    > group and calmly asked, 'how old are you?, do you attend this school?, don't you think that
    > behavior is a bit childish?' ... or something like that and calmly walk back to my bike.
    >
    > Sometimes, not always, a very calm approach is unsettling and can make more of a point. Also, all
    > of the 'kids' were larger than I and if there had been a serious fight, I would not be writing
    > this from home. There are times, however, I wish I were 6' 4'' and weighed 220 pounds.
    >
    > Lesson learned ...
     
  9. "skip" skrev...
    > Is it possible she didn't see you because you were riding a low racer where your head could have
    > been on about the same level as her vehicle's door handles?

    Nope. She overtook me. And I stick up a bit further than the doorhandles since its a quasilowracer.
    A tad lower than your average driver. She wasn't excactly riding a SUV. She claimed the sun blinded
    her but the 100 yards leading up the the turn were actually in shade so go figure. Also if you can't
    see where you are going I believe the smart thing to do would be stopping and looking before
    turning. She didn't even slow down.

    Mikael
     
  10. Just measured and with my h*lm*t I'm ~125 cm (4' 1") tall on the bike.

    Too lazy to go down and measure a cardoor right now. ;-) (And anyway people do excactly the same
    when I ride my upwrong where my head is 6' up in the air)

    How high is other peoples lowracers? ;o)

    Mikael
     
  11. Ian

    Ian Guest

    Mikael Seierup scribed with passion and wit:

    > Just measured and with my h*lm*t I'm ~125 cm (4' 1") tall on the bike.
    >
    > Too lazy to go down and measure a cardoor right now. ;-) (And anyway people do excactly the same
    > when I ride my upwrong where my head is 6' up in the air)
    >
    > How high is other peoples lowracers? ;o)
    >
    > Mikael
    I'm a lot lower than that and I ride on the road.
    --
    Ian

    http://www.catrike.co.uk
     
  12. Tom Sherman

    Tom Sherman Guest

    Mikael Seierup wrote:
    >
    > Just measured and with my h*lm*t I'm ~125 cm (4' 1") tall on the bike.
    >
    > Too lazy to go down and measure a cardoor right now. ;-) (And anyway people do excactly the same
    > when I ride my upwrong where my head is 6' up in the air)
    >
    > How high is other peoples lowracers? ;o)

    About 120 cm (47") when seated on my Sunset.

    Tom Sherman - Planet Earth
     
  13. "Ian" skrev

    > I'm a lot lower than that and I ride on the road.

    You were supposed to plunk yer butt in the seat and measure the height of yer noggin and post that
    along with the bike- or triketype. :)

    Trying to get some statistics going and not a thread on whats too low since they overlook you on a
    DF anyway. Problem is braindead cardrivers. I see lots that turn without checking their mirrors or
    looking over their shoulder. Then you know its time to slam on the brakes.

    M.
     
  14. What Mikael said. When riding my Speedmachine, my gulliver sticks up slightly above the base of the
    windscreen of the average European tin box, but this is of little import if the driver is asleep, as
    happened the other day.

    Three lane one way street. I am in lane one. Mrs. Fat Big Stupid Big Fat Fatty Stupid O'Cretin[1] in
    one of those pointless Toyota RAV-4 things changes lanes into lane 2 and bimbles along at 15 mph,
    while indicating a turn into a side street. Not wishing to be splatted or obliged to slow down, I
    switch into lane 2 and begin to pass.

    At which juncture Mrs. Fat Big Stupid Big Fat Fatty Stupid O'Cretin, in one fluid movement, flicks
    indicator stalk to opposite end of spectrum and begins to return to lane 2. Just, in fact when my
    nut and hers are about level. The "THUNK" sound resulting from my my swiftly-moving hand coming into
    contact with the driver's door could be heard three streets away and hopefully scared Mrs. Fat Big
    Stupid Big Fat Fatty Stupid O'Cretin into a fatal heart attack. Gagh!

    1 - (c) J. Nash

    Dave Larrington - http://www.legslarry.beerdrinkers.co.uk/
    ===========================================================
    Editor - British Human Power Club Newsletter
    http://www.bhpc.org.uk/
    ===========================================================
     
  15. Harryo

    Harryo Guest

    "Mikael Seierup" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:<[email protected]>...
    > Just measured and with my h*lm*t I'm ~125 cm (4' 1") tall on the bike.
    >
    > Too lazy to go down and measure a cardoor right now. ;-) (And anyway people do excactly the same
    > when I ride my upwrong where my head is 6' up in the air)
    >
    > How high is other peoples lowracers? ;o)

    On my Baron, I am 40" to the top of my helmet.

    Harry
     
  16. Edward Dolan

    Edward Dolan Guest

    "DH" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>... [...]
    > I was biking past a high school (or a junior college) as the kids were leaving to go home. As I
    > biked by a group of kids, someone threw something (ice I think) that broke under my bike. Nothing
    > was damaged, but I just got pissed and immediately stopped. First, I fell off my bike getting off
    > so quickly which provided entertainment for the kiddies. I then walked back to the group where the
    > 'thing' was thrown and yelled 'who threw that?'.
    [...]

    You story reminds me of one I read about in the newspapers several years ago. I think it happened in
    the Seattle area. It was all about kids throwing snowballs at passing cars. One guy stopped, got out
    of his car, pulled a gun and shot one of the kids dead. All for throwing a few snowballs. The lesson
    here is that some people are just plain crazy and so you do not want to be messing around with
    strangers. It is always best (if you are sufficiently pissed off) to call the police and let them
    handle the situation.

    Ed Dolan - Minnesota
     
  17. On my Catrike Speed, I am under 36" high. Good thing with the least bit of adrenalyn- that thing is
    'outta there'. Not one problem yet. It helps to have kids running around here under 36" tall, I
    guess. The seat is about 4' off the ground.

    My TerraTrike has an overhead fairing- above most mirrors. However, I came very close to being
    'kay-oh-ed (cut off) on that.

    Chris Jordan Santa Cruz, CA.

    Tom Sherman <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
    > Mikael Seierup wrote:
    > >
    > > Just measured and with my h*lm*t I'm ~125 cm (4' 1") tall on the bike.
    > >
    > > Too lazy to go down and measure a cardoor right now. ;-) (And anyway people do excactly the same
    > > when I ride my upwrong where my head is 6' up in the air)
    > >
    > > How high is other peoples lowracers? ;o)
    >
    > About 120 cm (47") when seated on my Sunset.
    >
    > Tom Sherman - Planet Earth
     
  18. Harv

    Harv Guest

    Report an act of terrorism to Ashcroft's office and let the government harass the little punk
    bastards? "DH" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Doug, you wrote a fair amount of words ... what exactly would you do in the same situation?
    >
    > I played that incident through my mind many times ... what if I had had a weapon just to scare the
    > shit out of those kids, or what if I had had a can of pepper spray and used it to teach those kids
    > a lesson. After all of those scenarios, the only one that made any real sense was to confront them
    > in a calm manner and make them see just how childish it really is.
    >
    > So, what would you do?
     
  19. Dh

    Dh Guest

    "harv" <harv*no_spam*@spininternet.com> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Report an act of terrorism to Ashcroft's office and let the government harass the little punk
    > bastards?

    Harv, the 'act' took place in a foreign country. Oh, wait, sorry, that really doesn't make a
    difference with US policy. [Ed Dolon, that's your cue to take this thread and extend it.]
     
  20. Dh

    Dh Guest

    Guys, that _was just a joke_. I've learned my lesson re the amount of time spent going back and
    forth on OT discussions.
     
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