Extreme Solutions to the Never-Ending Tour de France Cheating Scandal

[Breaking News]

* Lifetime ban

* Sequestered cyclists

 

[MMan]

On Jul 31, 6:43 am, "Breaking News" <[email protected]> wrote:
> * Lifetime ban
>
> * Sequestered cyclists

Ban water.

It's performance-enhancing, potentially dangerous, and at least we'll
truly know that everyone is really doping.

 

[Donald Munro]

MMan wrote:
> Ban water.
> It's performance-enhancing, potentially dangerous, and at least we'll
> truly know that everyone is really doping.

And Viagra. And you might as well ban beer and add a rule forcing
cyclists to wear a condom while they ride just to be on the safe side
(perhaps they can be allowed to take it off on the last climb).

 

[Marty]

On Jul 31, 4:43 am, "Breaking News" <[email protected]> wrote:
> * Lifetime ban
>
> * Sequestered cyclists

Ban testing.

 

[Al]

On Jul 31, 9:58 am, Marty <[email protected]> wrote:
> On Jul 31, 4:43 am, "Breaking News" <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> > * Lifetime ban
>
> > * Sequestered cyclists
>
> Ban testing.

Ban riders who cannot prove they are using performance enhancing drugs.

 

[William Asher]

Al wrote:

> On Jul 31, 9:58 am, Marty <[email protected]> wrote:
>> On Jul 31, 4:43 am, "Breaking News" <[email protected]> wrote:
>>
>> > * Lifetime ban
>>
>> > * Sequestered cyclists
>>
>> Ban testing.
>
> Ban riders who cannot prove they are using performance enhancing drugs.
>

I'm pretty sure clean riders can't swim very well, so we throw all the pros
into the deep end of a swimming pool with a 10-lb lead weight chained to
their waist. If they make it out alive, we know they are doping so they
are banned for life.

Variations of this method have been shown to be extremely effective in
other situations.

--
Bill Asher

 

[Alex]

On Jul 31, 6:43 am, "Breaking News" <[email protected]> wrote:
> * Lifetime ban

This would be fine once you get get 100% fool prof tests.

> * Sequestered cyclists

This might be tough to do.
---------------------
Alex