From RBR newsletter

Discussion in 'Road Cycling' started by Ken M, Dec 22, 2005.

  1. Ken M

    Ken M Guest

    I just thought I would share. I thought a few of these were kind of funny.
    *****
    6. Scott's Spin: Ho Ho Ho o^o o^o o^o o^o o^o o^o



    I’ll be starting my Christmas shopping any day now, just as soon as I’ve
    finished making my list and checking it twice. Here’s what I have so
    far, including naughty and nice:



    For Lance Armstrong: A rocking chair. And a Simpsons DVD containing the
    episode in which Groundskeeper Willie calls the French “cheese-eatin’
    surrender monkeys.”



    For motorists: You know that “Peace on Earth, good will to men” stuff?
    Could you extend it to the other 364 days of the year? And it wouldn’t
    kill you -- or me -- if you hung up that cell phone.



    For George W. Bush: A nice cycling jersey. News photos of you cycling
    in that baggy white T-shirt make me want to start humming “Hail to the
    Dweeb.”



    For George Hincapie: A yellow jersey. Note: Not available until July.
    Preferably end of July.



    For bike shops: A decent profit margin. As long as you don’t treat us
    like morons if we don’t know the modulus of elasticity in that carbon
    fiber dust cap.



    For Roberto Heras: A set of golf clubs. Enjoy your two-year vacation, dude.



    For George W. Bush (hey, the prez gets more than one gift): Better
    bike-handling skills. Love that you ride. Hate that you show up at
    summit meetings with crash rash on your forehead.



    For road maintenance crews everywhere: Contact lenses. See that
    pothole? No, I guess you can’t. Well, my bike’s down at the bottom
    somewhere. Could you maybe fill this crater one of these weeks?



    For OLN-TV: NASCAR-like ratings for your Tour de France coverage. Maybe
    then you’ll put the Giro and Vuelta back on the air.



    For Jan Ullrich: Sorry, you already got your present last summer. (See:
    Lance, rocking chair.)



    For RBR readers (Northern Hemisphere Division): An early spring!



    (Scott Martin wrote feature articles for Bicycling magazine for 12 years
    *******

    Ken
    --
    On the internet, nobody knows you're a jerk - unless you act like a jerk
    on the internet too. - Quote modified by Ken M.

    Homepage: http://kcm-home.tripod.com/
     
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  2. Veloise

    Veloise Guest

    Ken M wrote:
    > I just thought I would share. I thought a few of these were kind of funny....


    > For OLN-TV: NASCAR-like ratings for your Tour de France coverage. Maybe
    > then you'll put the Giro and Vuelta back on the air. ...


    Speaking of NASCRAP, guess what themed holiday ornaments are available
    this year. Cars, guys, and jerseys. There was a whole section of The
    Dead Guy, too (guess his heirs sold the rights to every car he ever
    drove).

    Now WTF can't we have TdF ornaments? Little yellow jerseys? Little
    bikes? You'd think the Lanceband marketers might realize that they'd
    sell one or two action figures. (Everyone reading this NG would get one
    as a gift, after buying one for their own self.) I noticed just about
    every NASCRAP integer presented as an ornament. I want a 7.

    /rant

    --Karen D.
    Shopco (in Wisc) has little red metal bikes with working parts
     
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