Funny definitions

[swalia]

Let's share some funny and humorous definitions. Here's one:

Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don't like them.

 

[jhuskey]

An alcoholic is someone that drinks one more beer than you do.

 

[swalia]

How about a funny quote?

"Borrow from one, plagiarism. Borrow from many, research!"
-Tom Lehrer

 

[mooray]

'A child can play with the mother's breasts but not the father's testicles' -Yoweri Museveni.

 

[swalia]

Love is a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. - Anonymous

 

[swalia]

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.

 

[Gnufrau]

Ummm. . .
Life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% mortality rate.

(checks calendar: . . . Yup, that explains that! )

 

[CrankyThunder]

What's the difference between a Irish wedding and a Irish funeral?

One less drunk!

 

[swalia]

Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.

 

[swalia]

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

 

[swalia]

MARRIAGE is a process much like a cafeteria - you carefully look over the choices, select what looks the best - and pay later.

 

[swalia]

Garlic
Vegetable which is excellent for avoiding cold germs. Eat enough of it and people with colds will stay far away from you. Of course, so will other people.

 

[cycle93]

I have one!

It is not a definition more like a word-joke, but was reminded of it from your one-liners.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large-breasted crab? - One's a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

 

[swalia]

Doctor n. A person who kills your ills with pills then kills you with bills.

 

[swalia]

YAWN: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

 

[oportosanto]

Let's share some funny and humorous definitions. Here's one:

Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don't like them.

Haha, good one, what if we like that person for life?

 

[swalia]

Do u know the meaning of WIFE?? It means-“Without Information Fighting Everytime”.

 

[Gnufrau]

And here I thought it was Wonderfully Intelligent Female Entity. ..

 

[cycle93]

Doctor n. A person who kills your ills with pills then kills you with bills.

This is one of the bests. I like one liners or playing with words that are similar too each other and saying them also out loud can be really funny too.

 

[swalia]

Bar-be-que
(bar•buh•Q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up—for the dinner he made for his friends."