George's Cooking Tips: Rembrandt--The Greatest?



G

George-A-Vailey

Guest
Cheeseburgers: The secret to making truly outstanding hamburgers is to use the frozen beef patties
McDonald's produced about 25 years ago. It is true. George worked at McDonalds in 1980. I could
produce the best Cheeseburgers I've ever had with their raw materials, which have long been changed
and corrupted, as has the process.

Barring Mac's patties, one really must find the finest ground beef obtainable. It's like Vaginal orgasms--
if your meat sucks, your wife won't be having them--even if they exist only in theory. Grinding your
own is too analytical. One needs to un-wrap the newly purchased meat like one opens a present.

Yes, the best meat. Then--forget the grill, the barbie, the lump and the Kingsford and the Weber empire--
you need a smoking hot cast iron frying pan. Caress your meat gently. Do not "form a patty". Slice
off a suitable amount, throw it in your smoking pan, and roughly form it with a fork. The
compression involved during conventional patty formation makes the resulting burger tough. Season
with Kosher or sea salt and a crack of pepper.

Sear briefly on both sides--enough time to yield a medium-rare burger. I use a spatula and a jar of
Coffee creamer for a burger press. Too much burger press weight results in compression, best left to
your cylinders.

Forget onions, pickles and all the condiments generally thrown at burgies in an attempt to ruin
them. Cheese. Just cheese. I use Cooper's White Mellow Sharp, though a slice of Velveeta may still
be th best. Yes--Velveeta, the best things in life are still abundantly American, popular culture
not withstanding. (Congratulations Dale Jr.)

Buns. Delicious buns. Buns to cradle your cheese laden medium rare

Martin's Potato rolls, heated 15 seconds in the mike prior to cheese-laden patty installation. Allow
your construction to rest for a minute.

It is known that Rembrandt made his burgers in this way, and that--incredibly--his technique is
still superior to John Currin's. George Vailey