Harry Potter, the Psychic Boss and the Laneways of Doom

Discussion in 'Australia and New Zealand' started by hippy, Feb 14, 2005.

  1. hippy

    hippy Guest

    Scene: The office

    "I had a dream about you last night." states my boss, walking into the
    office this morning.
    "Really, you dream about me?" I joke.
    "You were hit by a car. I was there. It wasn't me that hit you, but I
    saw it."
    "Uh huh.. yeah.. bike vs. car.. sounds just like me."
    "You were okay though.."
    (he's thinking "pity about that" I'm sure!)
    (Cue: Work montage)

    Scene: The ride home

    All suited up in my stylish 'knicks and Crappy T-Shirt(tm)' fashion
    statement from hell, I roll down the road, heading for home.
    Cruising down the Burke Road recently made famous by aus.bicycle's
    'dave' and 'hippy' for its right-turning traffic and laneways of doom,
    life couldn't be peachier. Okay, it could, but that's a whole other chapter.

    Doing my normal thing, passing all the cars waiting for Cantebury Road
    lights to change, I notice a 4WD. This 4WD is sticking its nose through
    the traffic to make a right-hand turn across my path. This large, shiny,
    4WD isn't paying much attention. In fact, I think I'm going to have to
    crash into it. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Serves it right for not giving
    way to oncoming traffic. I don't actually have enough room to stop, with
    half the vehicle across the lane in my path, so I brake and panic turn.
    It's not enough and I plow into the 4WD.

    I had washed off quite a bit of speed and whacked into the white
    'building-on-wheels' with my front wheel and right knuckles.
    Throw in an awkward stumble over the bike and my arse doesn't even hit
    the ground - I'm still upright. Stare at 4WD's back window as it crawls
    into a driveway (okay so it wasn't a laneway THIS time). I follow -
    there's no chance this one is getting out of here.

    A women gets out of the car and begins apologising.
    "Yeah, yeah.. I'm alive.. whatever.. Just slow down and open your eyes!"

    (insert standard discussion about not seeing you, are you okay, want a
    drink, need help putting on your chain or straightening your bars?)

    I go easy on her because she was very nice about it (much to the chagrin
    of some of you I bet!) twist my bars back around and walk back out to
    the road.
    "What are you doing now?"
    "Uh.. I'm riding home"
    "Oh, okay, well as long as you're alright?"

    Like I said, very apologetic and it wasn't a very hard impact.
    In fact, the only evidence of the incident now is a shade of white paint
    on my glove's knuckles.
    I'm not sure what this makes the count, I've lost track now, but I think
    this may tip the balance in favour of 'cars hitting me' as opposed to
    'me hitting cars'.

    The wackiest part was my boss 'predicting' this in a dream! I was
    laughing about that all the way home.. well, sort of :)

    Just in case you're wondering, 'The Boss' will remain nameless, since
    I'm sure he doesn't want 1004 people ringing him up all hours asking for
    next week's lotto numbers! :D

    http://thehippy.net/nucleus/index.php?itemid=226

    hippy
     
    Tags:


  2. TimC

    TimC Guest

    On Tue, 15 Feb 2005 at 04:59 GMT, hippy (aka Bruce)
    was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea:
    > TimC wrote:
    >> I had a P-plater last night pull halfway out onto Camberwell Rd from a
    >> laneway. I could see he was looking the other way - he was stopped
    >> staring for a good 5 seconds. Then he just drove forward without even
    >> turning his head forwards, let alone in my direction to check again.
    >> I was by this stage about 3m away from him, and closing very fast.

    ....
    > Must be the weather but I'm sure there's been an increase in the number
    > of drivers who pull up to an intersection and then stare in one
    > direction (typically the WRONG direction) before moving off.
    > I've approached a few cars recently with my 'don't even think about
    > moving' stare and it doesn't work because they're not looking! Arr!
    > What to do.. what to do?


    Similarly linked is the case I had a few days ago of someone
    indicating their intention to go left at a roundabout, and instead,
    turning right, all the while not changing their indicator.

    I think their bemused look summed it all up.

    Maybe the Earth's magnetic field flipped, stuffing up everyone's
    spatial abilities?

    --
    TimC -- http://astronomy.swin.edu.au/staff/tconnors/
    "The application did not fail successfully because of an error"
     
  3. ProfTournesol

    ProfTournesol New Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    485
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    At this stage I usually (well on 2 occasions) say "just close your eyes for a minute and imagine yourself saying that to the Coroner". I always feel better after that!
    I'm glad you're OK, but surely you can send her a bill for a new bike:)
     
  4. hippy

    hippy Guest

    ProfTournesol wrote:
    > hippy Wrote:
    >>A women gets out of the car and begins apologising.
    >>"Yeah, yeah.. I'm alive.. whatever.. Just slow down and open your
    >>eyes!"

    >
    > At this stage I usually (well on 2 occasions) say "just close your eyes
    > for a minute and imagine yourself saying that to the Coroner". I always
    > feel better after that!
    > I'm glad you're OK, but surely you can send her a bill for a new
    > bike:)


    Oh crud! Didn't even think about that!
    I could've hit her up for the eurotourer! :D

    hippy
     
  5. On Tue, 15 Feb 2005 05:18:31 GMT, TimC
    <[email protected]> wrote:

    >On Tue, 15 Feb 2005 at 04:59 GMT, hippy (aka Bruce)
    > was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea:
    >> TimC wrote:
    >>> I had a P-plater last night pull halfway out onto Camberwell Rd from a
    >>> laneway. I could see he was looking the other way - he was stopped
    >>> staring for a good 5 seconds. Then he just drove forward without even
    >>> turning his head forwards, let alone in my direction to check again.
    >>> I was by this stage about 3m away from him, and closing very fast.

    >...
    >> Must be the weather but I'm sure there's been an increase in the number
    >> of drivers who pull up to an intersection and then stare in one
    >> direction (typically the WRONG direction) before moving off.
    >> I've approached a few cars recently with my 'don't even think about
    >> moving' stare and it doesn't work because they're not looking! Arr!
    >> What to do.. what to do?

    >
    >Similarly linked is the case I had a few days ago of someone
    >indicating their intention to go left at a roundabout, and instead,
    >turning right, all the while not changing their indicator.


    As a friend said one day:

    "Indicators:

    There are controls in each vehicle that cause little bits of coloured
    plastic to flash on and off at the corners of your vehicle.

    Pretty, aren't they?"


    --
    Regards.
    Richard.
     
  6. Liz

    Liz Guest

    "Richard Sherratt" <[email protected]> wrote in
    message news:[email protected]
    >
    > As a friend said one day:
    >
    > "Indicators:
    >
    > There are controls in each vehicle that cause little bits of coloured
    > plastic to flash on and off at the corners of your vehicle.
    >
    > Pretty, aren't they?"
    >
    >
    > --
    > Regards.
    > Richard.


    I love it! Is it copyright? :)
     
  7. Dave

    Dave Guest

    Richard Sherratt wrote:
    > On Tue, 15 Feb 2005 05:18:31 GMT, TimC
    > <[email protected]> wrote:
    >
    >
    >>On Tue, 15 Feb 2005 at 04:59 GMT, hippy (aka Bruce)
    >> was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea:
    >>
    >>>TimC wrote:
    >>>
    >>>>I had a P-plater last night pull halfway out onto Camberwell Rd from a
    >>>>laneway. I could see he was looking the other way - he was stopped
    >>>>staring for a good 5 seconds. Then he just drove forward without even
    >>>>turning his head forwards, let alone in my direction to check again.
    >>>>I was by this stage about 3m away from him, and closing very fast.

    >>
    >>...
    >>
    >>>Must be the weather but I'm sure there's been an increase in the number
    >>>of drivers who pull up to an intersection and then stare in one
    >>>direction (typically the WRONG direction) before moving off.
    >>>I've approached a few cars recently with my 'don't even think about
    >>>moving' stare and it doesn't work because they're not looking! Arr!
    >>>What to do.. what to do?

    >>
    >>Similarly linked is the case I had a few days ago of someone
    >>indicating their intention to go left at a roundabout, and instead,
    >>turning right, all the while not changing their indicator.

    >
    >
    > As a friend said one day:
    >
    > "Indicators:
    >
    > There are controls in each vehicle that cause little bits of coloured
    > plastic to flash on and off at the corners of your vehicle.
    >
    > Pretty, aren't they?"
    >
    >


    SCene
    its the early 80.s and we are in Mikes old Rally car in the right hand
    lane heading down Bandenong rd just comming up to Warrigal rd.

    In the right turn lane with its right indicator on is a Volvo SP 1800
    sportscar.

    Miks says Ÿou know I would never own a volvo but if I did it would be
    one of them

    Just then the volvo turns left from the right turn lane across our noze
    and the other 5 lanes or however many their are
    Mike hits the brakes hard. The rally car instanly spins and stops
    backward just missing volvo.
    We watch anothe dozen cars lock up everything and stop then both turn
    and look out the driverside window at the volvo vanishing down warrigal
    rd to the left.. still with his right indicator flashing. Unhurried.
    without a concern in the world.

    Mike says ¨then again.. maybe I wouldnt own a volvo¨
     
  8. Dave

    Dave Guest

    hippy wrote:
    > ProfTournesol wrote:
    >
    >> hippy Wrote:
    >>
    >>> A women gets out of the car and begins apologising.
    >>> "Yeah, yeah.. I'm alive.. whatever.. Just slow down and open your
    >>> eyes!"

    >>
    >>
    >> At this stage I usually (well on 2 occasions) say "just close your eyes
    >> for a minute and imagine yourself saying that to the Coroner". I always
    >> feel better after that! I'm glad you're OK, but surely you can send
    >> her a bill for a new
    >> bike:)

    >
    >
    > Oh crud! Didn't even think about that!
    > I could've hit her up for the eurotourer! :D
    >
    > hippy


    I made money out of mine.

    Only cos he was so polite in person and so rude on the phone.

    And Hippy. There is a lovely policewoman at camberwell.. GO down there
    and get her to charge em .. Works for me.

    Dave
     
  9. Plodder

    Plodder Guest

    "Dave" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]
    > Richard Sherratt wrote:
    > > On Tue, 15 Feb 2005 05:18:31 GMT, TimC
    > > <[email protected]> wrote:
    > >
    > >

    > SCene
    > its the early 80.s and we are in Mikes old Rally car in the right hand
    > lane heading down Bandenong rd just comming up to Warrigal rd.
    >
    > In the right turn lane with its right indicator on is a Volvo SP 1800
    > sportscar.
    >
    > Miks says Ÿou know I would never own a volvo but if I did it would be
    > one of them
    >
    > Just then the volvo turns left from the right turn lane across our noze
    > and the other 5 lanes or however many their are
    > Mike hits the brakes hard. The rally car instanly spins and stops
    > backward just missing volvo.
    > We watch anothe dozen cars lock up everything and stop then both turn
    > and look out the driverside window at the volvo vanishing down warrigal
    > rd to the left.. still with his right indicator flashing. Unhurried.
    > without a concern in the world.
    >
    > Mike says ¨then again.. maybe I wouldnt own a volvo¨


    WOW! A volvo using indicators!

    One of the great mysteries of life: Why do they fit rear-view mirrors and
    indicators on volvos...?

    Frank
     
  10. hippy

    hippy Guest

    Plodder wrote:
    > WOW! A volvo using indicators!
    > One of the great mysteries of life: Why do they fit rear-view mirrors and
    > indicators on volvos...?


    Something for cyclists to smash in/off post-nde[1]?

    hippy
    [1] NDE - Near Death Experience, i.e. Volvo driver killing spree
     
  11. HUMBUG

    HUMBUG Guest

    On Wed, 16 Feb 2005 06:26:41 +0800, Plodder <> Wrote :
    <snip>
    >
    > WOW! A volvo using indicators!


    Yeah well even Volvo drivers make mistakes...:)

    >
    > One of the great mysteries of life: Why do they fit rear-view mirrors and
    > indicators on volvos...?



    Ahhhh someone who doesn't understand Volvo drivers. My father was the PERFECT
    Volvo driver - he drove a '70's yellow ochre Volvo 244, he was old, he
    wore a toweling hat and most of all he drove with a certain obliviousness.
    Have you heard a driver ask the passengers "what colour's that traffic
    light?" or "what did that sign say?" (it was a BIG green one on a freeway.)
    I've heard these questions, and more, posed by my father whilst driving in
    BROAD DAYLIGHT. The mind boggles at the possible questions he would've had
    at NIGHT - and yes he DID drive at night but I'm a wimp who wouldn't get
    in the car with him driving if it was dark...:)

    (His eyesight was totally shot - partially formed cataracts and years of
    un-diagnosed and therefore untreated type 2 diabetes saw to that.)



    --

    Humbug
     
  12. Dave

    Dave Guest

    kim wrote:
    > Dave wrote:
    >
    >> Mike says ¨then again.. maybe I wouldnt own a volvo¨

    >
    >
    > i never cease to be amazed by the number of people that vent about volvo
    > drivers.
    >
    > on monday i was nearly cleaned up by no less than 5 falcon drivers! in
    > less than 10Km.
    >
    > <rant>why does no one spit the dummy at their horrible driving?
    >
    > commodores and carollas are next on my most wanted list of offenses
    > against cyclists.
    >
    > and the age/gender groups are young males&females and older 60+
    > male&females, in no particular order.
    >
    > followed by muppets with no spacial awareness who mostly drive pajeros
    > and prados.
    >
    > </rant>
    >
    > kim



    Its becouse I have no stories like that about falcan drivers. And
    becouse there is a difference between being cleaned up by someone being
    an idiot or making a mistake and being cleaned up by someone who is
    totally oblivious to the possible presence of anyone else.

    However I think most of the volvo owners have moved into 4wds these days.

    Dave
     
  13. kim

    kim Guest

    Dave wrote:
    > Mike says ¨then again.. maybe I wouldnt own a volvo¨


    i never cease to be amazed by the number of people that vent about volvo drivers.

    on monday i was nearly cleaned up by no less than 5 falcon drivers! in less than 10Km.

    <rant>why does no one spit the dummy at their horrible driving?

    commodores and carollas are next on my most wanted list of offenses against cyclists.

    and the age/gender groups are young males&females and older 60+ male&females, in no particular order.

    followed by muppets with no spacial awareness who mostly drive pajeros and prados.

    </rant>

    kim
     
  14. Oscar

    Oscar Guest

    kim wrote:
    > Dave wrote:
    >
    >> Mike says ¨then again.. maybe I wouldnt own a volvo¨

    >
    >
    > i never cease to be amazed by the number of people that vent about volvo
    > drivers.
    >
    > on monday i was nearly cleaned up by no less than 5 falcon drivers! in
    > less than 10Km.
    >
    > <rant>why does no one spit the dummy at their horrible driving?
    >
    > commodores and carollas are next on my most wanted list of offenses
    > against cyclists.
    >
    > and the age/gender groups are young males&females and older 60+
    > male&females, in no particular order.
    >
    > followed by muppets with no spacial awareness who mostly drive pajeros
    > and prados.
    >
    > </rant>
    >
    > kim


    Do you drive a Volvo kim?
     
  15. On Tue, 15 Feb 2005 10:59:22 GMT, "Liz" <[email protected]> wrote:

    >"Richard Sherratt" <[email protected]> wrote in
    >message news:[email protected]
    >>
    >> As a friend said one day:
    >>
    >> "Indicators:
    >>
    >> There are controls in each vehicle that cause little bits of coloured
    >> plastic to flash on and off at the corners of your vehicle.
    >>
    >> Pretty, aren't they?"


    >I love it! Is it copyright? :)


    I doubt it. I've pinched it :)


    --
    Regards.
    Richard.
     
  16. kim

    kim Guest

    Oscar wrote:
    > Do you drive a Volvo kim?


    no. no i don't.

    there are plenty of folks who drive really badly in locally made cars.
    its just so much easier to target a minority of drivers who drive some foreign tank tho.

    kim
     
  17. kim

    kim Guest

    Dave wrote:
    > Its becouse I have no stories like that about falcan drivers. And
    > becouse there is a difference between being cleaned up by someone being
    > an idiot or making a mistake and being cleaned up by someone who is
    > totally oblivious to the possible presence of anyone else.


    it is quite interesting how this varies across different 'burbs in just adelaide.
    i expect across australia it would vary even more =)

    > However I think most of the volvo owners have moved into 4wds these days.


    quite possibly. although i expect that the move to the medium sized 4wd is about keeping ones wife and kids safe on the road.
    i suppose its entirely irrelavent that the safety of the medium sized 4wd is less than the average volvo, but image is
    everything. obey your thirst! um ...

    also most mums with a horde of kids in the back have the same issues with distractions of feeding, resolving fights, etc.
    i have moved my morning route to avoid the 'school zones'.

    kim
     
  18. Dave

    Dave Guest

    kim wrote:
    > Dave wrote:
    >
    >> Its becouse I have no stories like that about falcan drivers. And
    >> becouse there is a difference between being cleaned up by someone
    >> being an idiot or making a mistake and being cleaned up by someone who
    >> is totally oblivious to the possible presence of anyone else.

    >
    >
    > it is quite interesting how this varies across different 'burbs in just
    > adelaide.
    > i expect across australia it would vary even more =)
    >
    >> However I think most of the volvo owners have moved into 4wds these days.

    >
    >
    > quite possibly. although i expect that the move to the medium sized 4wd
    > is about keeping ones wife and kids safe on the road.
    > i suppose its entirely irrelavent that the safety of the medium sized
    > 4wd is less than the average volvo, but image is everything. obey your
    > thirst! um ...
    >
    > also most mums with a horde of kids in the back have the same issues
    > with distractions of feeding, resolving fights, etc.
    > i have moved my morning route to avoid the 'school zones'.
    >
    > kim


    When you talk to these mums.. the main reason they have a 4wd is so
    darling child will be safe.. from other mums in 4wds

    Dave
     
  19. Dave

    Dave Guest

    kim wrote:
    > Oscar wrote:
    >
    >> Do you drive a Volvo kim?

    >
    >
    > no. no i don't.
    >
    > there are plenty of folks who drive really badly in locally made cars.
    > its just so much easier to target a minority of drivers who drive some
    > foreign tank tho.
    >
    > kim


    Oh but there is really badly and then there is really badly.

    WHen my friend Jane... (and jane do u still want that powerpoint
    presentation) got rid of her 144 and got a barina she improved maybe
    500 percent. Made it all the way up to terrible.

    Sorry Janey.. you know its true

    Dave
     
  20. Kim Hawtin

    Kim Hawtin Guest

    Dave wrote:
    > When you talk to these mums.. the main reason they have a 4wd is so
    > darling child will be safe.. from other mums in 4wds


    praps all these mums should just get volvos.
    then they will be safe and it'll be a whole lot easier to spot.
    and it'll also make prados and pajeros easier to outlaw as pointless
    poluting status symbols. or show ponys as my wife calls them =)

    kim
     
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