How many of you carry a cucumber as part of your cycling equipment?



Martian Tom

New Member
Aug 23, 2008
24
0
0
Just wondering how many of you carry a cucumber as part of your cycling equipment?

For long distance touring and bicycle camping... I think I'd feel safer carrying a decent green 15-incher (concealed so it doesn't freak people out). Great to munch on for both energy replacement and thirst quenching. Also useful to clobber any potential muggers/bike stealers over the head as it has the potential to stun without causing permanent injury.

Anyone else tote a cuke while biking?
 

hod65

New Member
Jun 24, 2009
221
0
0
i allways bring one store it down my cycling shorts ,get a kick out of seeing cars vere off the road.....
 

alienator

Well-Known Member
Jun 10, 2004
12,596
310
0
I've got a cucumber in a holster on my hip 24/7, and I gotta tell ya it feels good. When I think of me and my holstered cuke, testosterone runs off my body in rivulets. I dream about the day I can unload the power of my cucumber on some commie or liberal. I've done measurements that show that my schwantz is longer when I carry a cuke, and when I'm alone I like to watch myself stroking the cuke, putting a fine polish on it. When I'm riding and in traffic, I keep one hand off the bars, hovering over the cucumber so that I can act at a moment's notice to wreak vengeance upon some unAmerican driver who has transgressed me.

I've noticed that since I started carrying a cucumber, I masturbate a lot more.
 

kdelong

Well-Known Member
Dec 14, 2006
3,477
134
48
The only problem is that after a few days the cuke turns yellow and gets all mushy. I prefer an eggplant my self. Lasts longer and stays purple for weeks.
 

hwka

New Member
Feb 11, 2009
9
0
0
..."as it has the potential to stun without causing permanent injury".
Strewth, if you pulled your cucumber I would definitely be stunned and the psychological scarring would likely be permanent.
You might also consider the realities of coming up somewhat short if Freddy Freako, fearful of your proud bulge, pre-empts and pulls ...and (gulp!) fires ....a real piece in your general direction.
 

Akadat

Member
Sep 12, 2006
266
6
0
Carry a sharp but non-lethal knife. When threatened you shall slice said cucumber into thin slices and place between pieces of bread preferably with a dash of mayonaisse.

Relax and enjoy. It may well be your last meal but a good one.

I see the headlines now...Man (or Woman) senslessely killed/maimed/injured while enjoying a cucumber sandwich with a dash of mayonaisse.
 

Martian Tom

New Member
Aug 23, 2008
24
0
0
kdelong said:
The only problem is that after a few days the cuke turns yellow and gets all mushy. I prefer an eggplant my self. Lasts longer and stays purple for weeks.

Hmm... not thought about an eggplant. They are working on genetically-modified cukes, though, which stay green and fresh longer. I think they're using a potato gene. The long narrow ones are quite good, too, as you can strap 'em to the cross bar. I'd look into leeks, but they're not so versatile as they need cooking to make them edible. They'd probably inflict a more disabling blow, though.
 

kdelong

Well-Known Member
Dec 14, 2006
3,477
134
48
Martian Tom said:
Hmm... not thought about an eggplant. They are working on genetically-modified cukes, though, which stay green and fresh longer. I think they're using a potato gene. The long narrow ones are quite good, too, as you can strap 'em to the cross bar. I'd look into leeks, but they're not so versatile as they need cooking to make them edible. They'd probably inflict a more disabling blow, though.
I want to cause leeks, er leaks, and a cucumber, potato, or eggplant won't do that unless you freeze it first and then pummel the offender extremely hard. Now I don't know about you, but I find that riding with a freezer attached to my bike and powering it from my dynohub is downright difficult. What was that pointy knife thing Akadat was talking about? NCA.....All the way. (NCA=National Cucumber Association)
 

Martian Tom

New Member
Aug 23, 2008
24
0
0
kdelong said:
I want to cause leeks, er leaks, and a cucumber, potato, or eggplant won't do that unless you freeze it first and then pummel the offender extremely hard. Now I don't know about you, but I find that riding with a freezer attached to my bike and powering it from my dynohub is downright difficult. What was that pointy knife thing Akadat was talking about? NCA.....All the way. (NCA=National Cucumber Association)

Erm... you could try wrapping the cuke or eggplant in ice-packs, then placing it in a pannier that you've pre-lined with tin foil. Or there are those neat refrigerated panniers that are just coming onto the market now. You can get them with a power unit fed by both the dynohub and a small solar panel. Great for tinnies, too.

Not sure about the pointy knife thing. The most lethal weapon I ever carry on my bike is... me! :eek:

Carrots are quite pointy and hard, though...
 

hod65

New Member
Jun 24, 2009
221
0
0
what about two water mellons bet ya nobody has done that yet ,saw it once this girl cyclist......
 

alienator

Well-Known Member
Jun 10, 2004
12,596
310
0
I actually bring both of my acorns when I ride. It's quite painful to leave them at home.
 

Martian Tom

New Member
Aug 23, 2008
24
0
0
hod65 said:
what about two water mellons bet ya nobody has done that yet ,saw it once this girl cyclist......

I saw a girl cyclist with a couple of grapefruits today. Glad I had my cucumber at the ready...
 

Dietmar

New Member
Jun 9, 2006
357
0
0
Martian Tom said:
I saw a girl cyclist with a couple of grapefruits today. Glad I had my cucumber at the ready...

So, you're saying you had a fruitful encounter with her? Lucky dog...
 

niftyshifty

New Member
Aug 19, 2009
14
0
0
34
I prefer watermelons in my bra. Both for seeing motorists run into one another, and as a weapon. I suppose it'd be nice to stop for a picnic with 'em also.
 

Martian Tom

New Member
Aug 23, 2008
24
0
0
niftyshifty said:
I prefer watermelons in my bra. Both for seeing motorists run into one another, and as a weapon. I suppose it'd be nice to stop for a picnic with 'em also.

The mind boggles... no drugs needed! :eek:
 

kdelong

Well-Known Member
Dec 14, 2006
3,477
134
48
niftyshifty said:
i prefer watermelons in my bra. Both for seeing motorists run into one another, and as a weapon. I suppose it'd be nice to stop for a picnic with 'em also.
Photos Please!!!!!!!!!
 

hod65

New Member
Jun 24, 2009
221
0
0
i'll second that photos please.....for reserch purposes of course......
 

Similar threads