Humor (?): Landis's next claim

[Bob Dole]

Assuming Floyd's test results did show synthetic testosterone, what
might the next story be?

Some possibilities:

1. Domestique takes it for the team: An aging Phonak domestique claims
responsibility ("I put some in his beer hoping to make him feel
better"). The domestique later has a long career in the hearing aid
industry. Floyd loses TdF crown, but he and Grand Tours keep shred of
dignity.

2. The devil (weed) made me do it: After several beers and much Jack
Daniels, Floyd wanted a cigarette. But, concerned about the effect on
his lungs, he decided to use a nicotine patch instead. Confused
pharmacist looking for "t" (tabac) patch gave him "T" (Testosterone)
patch instead.

3. Eat dirt: Floyd blames results of carbon isotope test on the
different carbon isotopes common in Lancaster County, PA. (lots of coal
in Pennsylvania) and says he ate a lot of dirt as a kid.

Feel free to add. No need to let any facts stand in the way of an
entertaining theory.

 

[B. Lafferty]

"Bob Dole" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Assuming Floyd's test results did show synthetic testosterone, what
> might the next story be?
>
> Some possibilities:
>>
> 3. Eat dirt: Floyd blames results of carbon isotope test on the
> different carbon isotopes common in Lancaster County, PA. (lots of coal
> in Pennsylvania) and says he ate a lot of dirt as a kid.

It was the Lebanon bologna--good stuff.

 

[Dumbass]

Bob Dole wrote:
> Assuming Floyd's test results did show synthetic testosterone, what
> might the next story be?
>
> Some possibilities:
>
> 1. Domestique takes it for the team: An aging Phonak domestique claims
> responsibility ("I put some in his beer hoping to make him feel
> better"). The domestique later has a long career in the hearing aid
> industry. Floyd loses TdF crown, but he and Grand Tours keep shred of
> dignity.
>
> 2. The devil (weed) made me do it: After several beers and much Jack
> Daniels, Floyd wanted a cigarette. But, concerned about the effect on
> his lungs, he decided to use a nicotine patch instead. Confused
> pharmacist looking for "t" (tabac) patch gave him "T" (Testosterone)
> patch instead.
>
> 3. Eat dirt: Floyd blames results of carbon isotope test on the
> different carbon isotopes common in Lancaster County, PA. (lots of coal
> in Pennsylvania) and says he ate a lot of dirt as a kid.
>
> Feel free to add. No need to let any facts stand in the way of an
> entertaining theory.

A couple of cases like that were reported in the book "Breaking the
Chain":

1. There was a urine switch, but the urine of a van driver was used
and the driver had recently used speed.

2. A cyclist took some stuff from a sognier on another team, a guy
who had a reputation for dirty tricks, giving opposing cyclist dope
that would show up on a test.

 

"Bob Dole" <[email protected]> a écrit dans le message de news:
[email protected]...
> Assuming Floyd's test results did show synthetic testosterone, what
> might the next story be?
>
> Some possibilities:
>
> 1. Domestique takes it for the team: An aging Phonak domestique claims
> responsibility ("I put some in his beer hoping to make him feel
> better"). The domestique later has a long career in the hearing aid
> industry. Floyd loses TdF crown, but he and Grand Tours keep shred of
> dignity.
>
> 2. The devil (weed) made me do it: After several beers and much Jack
> Daniels, Floyd wanted a cigarette. But, concerned about the effect on
> his lungs, he decided to use a nicotine patch instead. Confused
> pharmacist looking for "t" (tabac) patch gave him "T" (Testosterone)
> patch instead.
>
> 3. Eat dirt: Floyd blames results of carbon isotope test on the
> different carbon isotopes common in Lancaster County, PA. (lots of coal
> in Pennsylvania) and says he ate a lot of dirt as a kid.
>
> Feel free to add. No need to let any facts stand in the way of an
> entertaining theory.
>

Thinking better, it was not Jack Daniels, but Jacques Danielle, a French
white wine....

 

[[email protected]]

Well thank God he was not busted for smoking hash...

 

[BJC]

Assuming Floyd's test results did show synthetic testosterone, what
might the next story be?

Some possibilities:

1. Domestique takes it for the team: An aging Phonak domestique claims
responsibility ("I put some in his beer hoping to make him feel
better"). The domestique later has a long career in the hearing aid
industry. Floyd loses TdF crown, but he and Grand Tours keep shred of
dignity.

2. The devil (weed) made me do it: After several beers and much Jack
Daniels, Floyd wanted a cigarette. But, concerned about the effect on
his lungs, he decided to use a nicotine patch instead. Confused
pharmacist looking for "t" (tabac) patch gave him "T" (Testosterone)
patch instead.

3. Eat dirt: Floyd blames results of carbon isotope test on the
different carbon isotopes common in Lancaster County, PA. (lots of coal
in Pennsylvania) and says he ate a lot of dirt as a kid.

Feel free to add. No need to let any facts stand in the way of an
entertaining theory.

This is so funny because you don't know how true one of your statements is. In the 2004 off season Froid was having a difficult loosing weight so he was placing Nicorette patches on his arms to speed his metabolism.

 

[Keith]

>> 2. The devil (weed) made me do it: After several beers and much Jack
>> Daniels, Floyd wanted a cigarette. But, concerned about the effect on
>> his lungs, he decided to use a nicotine patch instead. Confused
>> pharmacist looking for "t" (tabac) patch gave him "T" (Testosterone)
>> patch instead.

>This is so funny because you don't know how true one of your statements
>is. In the 2004 off season Froid was having a difficult loosing weight
>so he was placing Nicorette patches on his arms to speed his
>metabolism.

No stranger to doping then, eh !

 

[Keith]

On 1 Aug 2006 02:48:49 -0700, "Bob Dole" <[email protected]> wrote:

>Assuming Floyd's test results did show synthetic testosterone, what
>might the next story be?
>
>Some possibilities:
>
>1. Domestique takes it for the team: An aging Phonak domestique claims
>responsibility ("I put some in his beer hoping to make him feel
>better"). The domestique later has a long career in the hearing aid
>industry. Floyd loses TdF crown, but he and Grand Tours keep shred of
>dignity.
>
>2. The devil (weed) made me do it: After several beers and much Jack
>Daniels, Floyd wanted a cigarette. But, concerned about the effect on
>his lungs, he decided to use a nicotine patch instead. Confused
>pharmacist looking for "t" (tabac) patch gave him "T" (Testosterone)
>patch instead.
>
>3. Eat dirt: Floyd blames results of carbon isotope test on the
>different carbon isotopes common in Lancaster County, PA. (lots of coal
>in Pennsylvania) and says he ate a lot of dirt as a kid.
>
>Feel free to add. No need to let any facts stand in the way of an
>entertaining theory.

Took it up the ass : having sunk very low he roams around
Saint-Jean-de-Maurienne and ends up in a gay bar. To ease the
forthcoming pain decides to lube up and in the absence of KJ accepts
the suppositories handed by a Spanish friend. Turns out these were
Rastandol suppositories hence the T levels. Landis says he feels
better now that he's come out of the closet. Ullrich comments that
this is a disgrace and that he's totally clean in that respect and
asks to be reinstated. Michaud adds "I knew it" !

 

[Mark]

"Dumbass" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
> A couple of cases like that were reported in the book "Breaking the
> Chain":
>
> 1. There was a urine switch, but the urine of a van driver was used
> and the driver had recently used speed.

Not sure if that was an urban legend or really happened, but a male athlete
was once tested and found to be pregnant...

 

[Bucky]

Bob Dole wrote:
> Assuming Floyd's test results did show synthetic testosterone, what
> might the next story be?

- vindictive masseuse rubbed cream on him without knowledge

- he thought it was flaxseed oil

- his body is unique in that it generates synthetic testosterone

- Miguel Tejada injected a "B12" shot that turned out to be something
else

 

[Bucky]

Bob Dole wrote:
> Assuming Floyd's test results did show synthetic testosterone, what
> might the next story be?

Here's a few more. Some of the excuses given are unbelievable but true
(true that they were given, not that the reason was the truth)

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=hruby/060801&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab5pos2

 

[Ronald]

> Not sure if that was an urban legend or really happened, but a male athlete was once tested and found to be pregnant...

Must have been Arnold Schwarzenegger


"Mark" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
>
> "Dumbass" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
>>
>> A couple of cases like that were reported in the book "Breaking the
>> Chain":
>>
>> 1. There was a urine switch, but the urine of a van driver was used
>> and the driver had recently used speed.
>
> Not sure if that was an urban legend or really happened, but a male athlete was once tested and found to be pregnant...
>
>
>

 

[[email protected]]

B. Lafferty wrote:
> "Bob Dole" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
> > Assuming Floyd's test results did show synthetic testosterone, what
> > might the next story be?
> >
> > Some possibilities:
> >>
> > 3. Eat dirt: Floyd blames results of carbon isotope test on the
> > different carbon isotopes common in Lancaster County, PA. (lots of coal
> > in Pennsylvania) and says he ate a lot of dirt as a kid.
>
> It was the Lebanon bologna--good stuff.

Is was the alcohol and the UCI.

http://dirtragmag.com/forums/showpost.php?p=112477&postcount=13

http://online.wsj.com/public/articl...AVAvcCleyE_20060831.html?mod=tff_main_tff_top

 

[Keith]

On 1 Aug 2006 23:28:33 -0700, "Bucky" <[email protected]> wrote:

>Bob Dole wrote:
>> Assuming Floyd's test results did show synthetic testosterone, what
>> might the next story be?
>
>Here's a few more. Some of the excuses given are unbelievable but true
>(true that they were given, not that the reason was the truth)
>
>http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=hruby/060801&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab5pos2

hehe

"12) Spanish cyclist Roberto Heras blamed a flunked EPO test on:
A. A laboratory mix-up.
B. A wrong phone number.
C. A check lost in the mail.
D. A bank error not in his favor."

 

[[email protected]]

Keith wrote:
> On 1 Aug 2006 23:28:33 -0700, "Bucky" <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> >Bob Dole wrote:
> >> Assuming Floyd's test results did show synthetic testosterone, what
> >> might the next story be?
> >
> >Here's a few more. Some of the excuses given are unbelievable but true
> >(true that they were given, not that the reason was the truth)
> >
> >http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=hruby/060801&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab5pos2
>
> hehe
>
> "12) Spanish cyclist Roberto Heras blamed a flunked EPO test on:
> A. A laboratory mix-up.
> B. A wrong phone number.
> C. A check lost in the mail.
> D. A bank error not in his favor."

The B sample came back negative.

 

[Tom Nakashima]

Start a new C.O., call it Livelandis and brew Synthetic Alcohol
-tom