It's warm early this season!

I thought I would take my ride early Sunday since it was so hot. At 15 mile my shoes caught on fire. Luckly my a** had melted 30 mins earlier and had ran down my legs and extinguished the flames. On a big climb I noted the yellow line in the road was melting and puddling so I had to zig zag to avoid them but I think I could have been hallucinating from the heat. I later paused to take in a nice steaming gulp of Gatorade.They say the steam is good for your complexion.
A little ways further Jessica Alba, half naked, drove up in her Porche and poured half a glass of cold beer over my body and cooled me off as the foam ran down my chest...... wait I think that was another hallucination . At 25 miles into the ride two medium sized dogs chased me until they both burst into fames on the hot pavement The last few mile of the ride are a bit hazy I think I black out once or twice on the climbs. Did I mention it was hot?