Jehovah's Witnesses, do they cycle? :D

[Volnix]

Hi!

I have great expectations of this thread ending up as a flaming troll-out so here it goes.

So yesterday I was drinking beer watching the news planning to go out when the door bell rang.

There were two guys there which were quite polite and I asked them if they were JW's...

And indeed they were.

Long story short, I explained to them that I would first join the Haitian Vodou religion and be some kind of Voodoo Queens b^tch

before joining the JW but...


1. They gave me a free book. I like free stuff even if I never use them. It's the third time they give me free stuff. Usually just a copy of the watchtower.

2. They are very nice looking. Last time I was approached (around that time again, I think they counter-strike Christmas) was a really nice looking lady with a nice looking little girl... I was walking around with bike lube stained track pants being half-sober and they indeed looked like really nice people.


So here it goes:

IF they are so cooky, the girls are probably so preoccupied with their own little trip so they probably wont vent their aggression towards me in the form of:
-B^tching
-Whinning etc


IF they are so "nice" about their appearance and stuff, the girls are probably gonna be smoking hot.


I gave them my phone number... IF they call:


How Do I Get To Know The Girls???

Do they date Haitian Vodou believers?

How about normal UFO-less Christians?

 

[CAMPYBOB]

One of my neighbors is a JH...very nice lady. I park my car at a JH church in the country and unload my bike to start/finish rides from their parking lot and the church members never give me any grief. Nice people. They drive nice cars. They live in nice houses.

Therefore, I feel qualified to give advice on dealing with the JH cult...er...sect.

'Some' of the girls are hawt! Very hawt, in that old-timey, wholesome, countrified, nice way. The are also mostly cray-cray. Cray-cray for Jesus or just plain cray-cray or both. They don't wear The Special Undergarments the LDS cult sect does, but the insanity runs just about equally deep. In a nice way.

Nice, nice people. They will kill you with their niceness. However, if you are not one of them you must always be on your guard and ready to flee without making time for an excuse. You are not nice.

If Koolaid is offered...run. Run fast. Run far.

Now...as to practical advice on nailing hawt JH wimmenz, you must defeat their logic with pagan logic infused with the debil in order to gain their trust. You must defeat The Watchtower by playing Jimi Hendrix's "All Along the Watchtower" during their visit.




And just because yesterday was our Thanksgiving semi-religious holiday...you know, the celebration of us white dudes landing here in America, inviting the natives over for dinner and then killing them all with disease and war while stealing all the land for ourselves and enslaving them...here's a random pic of some strange hats seen during a religious ceremony in some strange country with a name we can't pronounce, in a place we can not locate on a globe:



I'm pretty sure the name of the country ends in 'stan'. Narrows it down a bit.

You're welcome.

 

[mpre53]

I don't think they're cray-cray for the Jesus. I'm pretty sure that they believe that he was just a good dude, not the big guy afoot in the world.

They also believe that only 144,000 of them are getting seated at the main table, and that the rest of the good people get to eat at the celestial version of the kids' table. Since they have a shitload more than 144,000 members, they all think they have to work harder than the next guy at converting we infidels.

 

[jhuskey]

Originally Posted by CAMPYBOB
One of my neighbors is a JH...very nice lady. I park my car at a JH church in the country and unload my bike to start/finish rides from their parking lot and the church members never give me any grief. Nice people. They drive nice cars. They live in nice houses.

Therefore, I feel qualified to give advice on dealing with the JH cult...er...sect.

'Some' of the girls are hawt! Very hawt, in that old-timey, wholesome, countrified, nice way. The are also mostly cray-cray. Cray-cray for Jesus or just plain cray-cray or both. They don't wear The Special Undergarments the LDS cult sect does, but the insanity runs just about equally deep. In a nice way.

Nice, nice people. They will kill you with their niceness. However, if you are not one of them you must always be on your guard and ready to flee without making time for an excuse. You are not nice.

If Koolaid is offered...run. Run fast. Run far.

Now...as to practical advice on nailing hawt JH wimmenz, you must defeat their logic with pagan logic infused with the debil in order to gain their trust. You must defeat The Watchtower by playing Jimi Hendrix's "All Along the Watchtower" during their visit.




And just because yesterday was our Thanksgiving semi-religious holiday...you know, the celebration of us white dudes landing here in America, inviting the natives over for dinner and then killing them all with disease and war while stealing all the land for ourselves and enslaving them...here's a random pic of some strange hats seen during a religious ceremony in some strange country with a name we can't pronounce, in a place we can not locate on a globe:



I'm pretty sure the name of the country ends in 'stan'. Narrows it down a bit.

You're welcome.

Bob you know it was the Mainfest Destiny of all good money loving I mean patriots to use progressive means to further the advancement of our country. The savages would only have squandered the wealth of the country by leaving it buried and unused. I mean what is the use of having assets if you can't waste them?
The natives never knew what true happiness was until the Europeans landed at Daimler/Chrysler Rock, of course then it was too late. If you want too make an omelet you got to break a few eggs and if you want to create an oppressive government you got to kill a few Indians. As far a hot ladies just go ahead and work your way through the hot pagan girls. At least you will have something to talk about.

 

[CAMPYBOB]

Quote by JH:
"Bob you know it was the Mainfest Destiny of all good money loving I mean patriots to use progressive means to further the advancement of our country. The savages would only have squandered the wealth of the country by leaving it buried and unused. I mean what is the use of having assets if you can't waste them?"

I wish to subscribe to your newsletter!

" The natives never knew what true happiness was until the Europeans landed at Daimler/Chrysler Rock, of course then it was too late."

We recently re-named it "Ram Rock" in honor of the big-assed diesel pickups built by FIAT!

"If you want too make an omelet you got to break a few eggs and if you want to create an oppressive government you got to kill a few Indians. As far a hot ladies just go ahead and work your way through the hot pagan girls. At least you will have something to talk about."

Already did that. What do you think undergrad school was for?

 

[CAMPYBOB]

Quote by mpre53:
"I don't think they're cray-cray for the Jesus. I'm pretty sure that they believe that he was just a good dude, not the big guy afoot in the world."

So...much like the LDS and Joe Smith? We tossed that bunch out of Ohio...after some proper gunfire and death, of course. Otherwise, we could have ended up with the Tabernacle Choir just East of Cleveland.

"They also believe that only 144,000 of them are getting seated at the main table, and that the rest of the good people get to eat at the celestial version of the kids' table. Since they have a shitload more than 144,000 members, they all think they have to work harder than the next guy at converting we infidels."

Woah! That's heavy!

At least the Christian Science freaks have that little Truth-o-Meter machine to tell which ones are 'clear' and getting sit next to Buddha L. Ron. And I'll tell ya, those CS chicks are Phreaks! The stuff they do will curl your toes!

 

[Volnix]

Originally Posted by CAMPYBOB

'Some' of the girls are hawt! Very hawt, in that old-timey, wholesome, countrified, nice way. The are also mostly cray-cray. Cray-cray for Jesus or just plain cray-cray or both. They don't wear The Special Undergarments the LDS cult sect does, but the insanity runs just about equally deep. In a nice way.

Do go on...

Originally Posted by CAMPYBOB

Nice, nice people. They will kill you with their niceness. However, if you are not one of them you must always be on your guard and ready to flee without making time for an excuse. You are not nice.

If Koolaid is offered...run. Run fast. Run far.

Oh yeah, kinda heard about that... But that only happens "some times" in the "field trip" in Bolibia or something "Christian" like that huh?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CAMPYBOB .

At least the Christian Science freaks have that little Truth-o-Meter machine to tell which ones are 'clear' and getting sit next to Buddha L. Ron. And I'll tell ya, those CS chicks are Phreaks! The stuff they do will curl your toes!


Hmmm, didn't know about these... Maybe I'll meet a nice cult freak girl there.

The mentality is amazing though, the way they actually act like they are totally into that stuff.

 

[LDRcycles]

I am unfortunate enough to work with a bloke who is not just a JW, but a preacher/pastor/whatever they call them. Absolute nutcase, one of the most unpleasant people i have ever met and it all comes back to the religion. They believe that anyone who is not a JW is literally under the control of the devil, that all governments are controlled by the devil, that associating with a non JW (apart from the purpose of converting them) will corrupt them and that national holidays or birthdays demonstrate satan's control over the world. Independent thinking is down to Satan, and anyone who openly disagrees with the teachings of the church is "mentally diseased".

They do believe in Jesus, as he is God's only messenger (though they believe he was killed on a "torture stake" rather than a cross) and he is the leader of a "government in exile" in heaven which was formed in October 1914.

From my experience with this individual, and what other people have said to me about their dealings with JWs, paranoia and consequent unpleasant behaviour is a common theme. Learning more about the religion has been an enormous help to me in knowing why the bloke acts the way he does towards me.

So Volnix, i think the chances of a JW chick dating someone outside the religion are very very close to zero

.

 

[urge2kill]

Originally Posted by Volnix

Do they date Haitian Vodou believers?

Well, like any normal person they'll hate murderers and rapists, and some seem to think the non-religious are murderers and/or rapists...

... or is it just me?

If she's afraid that it might all be true, remind her that the best bet, when feasible, is always to learn more about a situation before settling on a decision.

 

[Volnix]

Originally Posted by urge2kill

Well, like any normal person they'll hate murderers and rapists, and some seem to think the non-religious are murderers and/or rapists...

... or is it just me?

If she's afraid that it might all be true, remind her that the best bet, when feasible, is always to learn more about a situation before settling on a decision.

Yeah, tell a cult member to "learn more"...

Isn't that also evil?

From the GTA game series: "Don't even think about thinking! Thoughts are the enemy of peace!"

Oh man, I can alredy see my self in the "meeting":

 

[urge2kill]

Originally Posted by Volnix

From Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamanite :

"the Lamanites received a curse of a "skin of blackness" so that they would "not be enticing" to the Nephites"

The Isrealites were in all likelihood colored people, if not fully black.

Intellectual rant:
Abraham was from Mesopotamia (he came from the city of Ur). The Israelites venerated Mesopotamian gods until Moses condemned it after leading them from Egypt (in Africa), and some OT stories bear resemblance to parts of the Mesopotamian epic poem The Epic of Gilgamesh. The Indo-Europeans were the lightest-skinned people who lived north of the Black Sea until their southward migrations, and they carried foreign belief systems with them.

 

[LDRcycles]

Originally Posted by Volnix


That's the thing... Do you think that they Actually Believe all that?

In the case of those who have entered the religion as adults, maybe, brainwashing can be a powerful thing, especially when fear is involved. In the case of those who were born into the religion, definitely. When it's been drummed into them their whole life that THIS is the only way of thinking and anyone who thinks otherwise just wants you to fall into the clutches of Satan, i can see how it's possible. There are apparently instances of people who have privately renounced the JW faith but maintain a public facade so they are not shunned by the church and separated from their family.

 

[Volnix]

Nice fellas... Nice!

So we have successfully connected the JW's and f@ck it... the LDS heresy church too!

with Race!

Quote:

Originally Posted by CAMPYBOB
They drive nice cars.

 

[CAMPYBOB]

Quote by LDRcycles:
"Location: Kin Kin, Australia"

Damn! You have them down there, too?

We humbly apologize.

The JH were founded in Pittsburg, Pennsylvania. Not far from here.

Nothing good ever comes out of Pittsburg.

 

[urge2kill]

I think I just witnessed a JW cycling. I've already confirmed the appointment with my psychiatrist.

 

[Volnix]

Originally Posted by urge2kill
I think I just witnessed a JW cycling. I've already confirmed the appointment with my psychiatrist.

Is the Psychiatrist also a JW? Your "Psych" might be in danger otherwise!

What's with the illustrations?

 

[Volnix]

More illustrations...

I call this one, the "Kitschy tiger thing".

Our next piece, is another cloudy illustration. It's called "Spheres, Sticks and Antipsychotics"

We continue to a Surrealistic "exhibition" of heavenly nature, called "Allergies and Leopard tales"

Our next piece, is an architectural motif with a definite prospective technique, no-prospective. It's called "Stalingrad, with wackos".

We continue with an activity scene, this piece is called "I wear these clothes because I didn't know that we were going hiking damn you!".

A more joyful scene next. This article is called "AC DC live in Las Vegas".

and our final piece, last but not least, "Vegetarian Leopards".

Do I have any offers???

 

[CAMPYBOB]

Damnit, Volnix! You owe me a new keyboard!

What's up with all the leopards? Did Andy Schleck design the post-apocalyptic Garden of Eden...after the Great Pagoda of Washington D.C. is cast into a giant sinkhole that God and his minions create with their weird stickballs?

Some famous and weird JH: http://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/famous-jehovahs-witnesses.php

Including:

Danielle Colby - Inactive - Reality TV
Danielle Colby found fame as a burlesque dancer and on the reality show American Pickers.

You might think it’d be a monumental leap from a Jehovah’s Witnesses girlhood to a life of burlesque dancing, roller-derby team ownership, fashion design and reality show stardom.

Not so, says Danielle Colby of the History Channel’s hit show American Pickers. “I beg to differ with you on that,” she says with a laugh, by phone from her home in Chicago. “All of my friends who left the faith became strippers, just about every one of them. They saved money and paid for college and got great jobs.” dallasnews.com 30 Jan 2014

That's a classic 1936-1947 Harley-Davidson 'Knucklehead' she's posing with! I have a similar one in the garage and now I know I can hustle inked up JH wimmenz that are ready to ditch the faith and grab hold of a pole.

Wait...that didn't come out right!

 

[Volnix]

Originally Posted by CAMPYBOB
What's up with all the leopards?



That's a classic 1936-1947 Harley-Davidson 'Knucklehead' she's posing with! I have a similar one in the garage and now I know I can hustle inked up JH wimmenz that are ready to ditch the faith and grab hold of a pole.

I'm not sure... But there are lots of them in the "regulation reading".

(Dragons too!

)

She looks niiiiiice!

Now that she's out of JW, maybe she wants to travel the world and see Europe a bit

, before a 7 headed Dragon-Leopard comes and destroys it with some kind of watery-fire oozing out of the watchtower building or something.

It's good that she quit JW, they don't seem to be that enthusiastic about "riding" things.

Ok, how much does all this Soul Saving Dungeons and Dragons cult thing costs to join? That JW that was on my door called me today too.

I think he is eyeing a "soul bonus" from "managment"... If he only knew...

 

[CAMPYBOB]

From this picture we can see that:

1. The Pope has a personal army.
2. Hookers like men that wear leisure suits.
3. Uh...no clue.
4. Jesus uses a Glock to mug '70's **** actors.
5. High Angle artillery must compensate for the Coriolis Effect.
6. Chinese factories pollute Mother Earth while bringing us cheap carbon fiber bicycles.
7. Thar be Space Dragons.

These are the rocks upon which I will build my church!