D
DanSchmatz
Guest
The US anti doping Agency has reported that Mike Jones has accepted a 6 month
provisional suspension from all competition and training for testing positive
for having a body fat percentage over the ten percent legal limit. This
positive test usually carries a 3 month mandatory suspension, but when
officials contacted Jones in his semi temporary permanent housing in boulder
colorado he stated that he was indeed Guilty of the charges and voluntarily
suspended himself for 6 months and in a unprecedented move, suspended himself
from all cycling training except "riding home late at night on a town bike".
When SoProJones finally caught up with Jones at the Qdoba Burrito joint, Jones
was more than happy to talk about his failing of the body fat test. "You see,
its not really my fault, cuz i was not aware that the pizza hut and Chipotle
burritos also contained lots of fat and ****". Jones assured us that he would
recover from this and come back lean and mean in the spring. "i mean, ****, its
not like i make a lance like salary, so my money is bound to run out sometime
soon, so i will be eating chuck Coyles (mikes landlord) bread and stuff out of
his fridge" Jones took much of the blame for the bad news but did attribute
some to the team, "you know, **** man, if I hadnt made so much prize money this
year i wouldnt have extra burrito money and i woujld be eating less, so in a
way its all the guys that made good money this year at races faults". "The only
good thing that could come out of this is I am planning on filing a class
action law suit for all athletes that get fat at these stupid burrito joints in
the off season, that is after i redeem my frequent buyer points on my Q card at
Qdoba for a free burrito, then those Gucci taco stands are going down"
provisional suspension from all competition and training for testing positive
for having a body fat percentage over the ten percent legal limit. This
positive test usually carries a 3 month mandatory suspension, but when
officials contacted Jones in his semi temporary permanent housing in boulder
colorado he stated that he was indeed Guilty of the charges and voluntarily
suspended himself for 6 months and in a unprecedented move, suspended himself
from all cycling training except "riding home late at night on a town bike".
When SoProJones finally caught up with Jones at the Qdoba Burrito joint, Jones
was more than happy to talk about his failing of the body fat test. "You see,
its not really my fault, cuz i was not aware that the pizza hut and Chipotle
burritos also contained lots of fat and ****". Jones assured us that he would
recover from this and come back lean and mean in the spring. "i mean, ****, its
not like i make a lance like salary, so my money is bound to run out sometime
soon, so i will be eating chuck Coyles (mikes landlord) bread and stuff out of
his fridge" Jones took much of the blame for the bad news but did attribute
some to the team, "you know, **** man, if I hadnt made so much prize money this
year i wouldnt have extra burrito money and i woujld be eating less, so in a
way its all the guys that made good money this year at races faults". "The only
good thing that could come out of this is I am planning on filing a class
action law suit for all athletes that get fat at these stupid burrito joints in
the off season, that is after i redeem my frequent buyer points on my Q card at
Qdoba for a free burrito, then those Gucci taco stands are going down"