L
Liz
Guest
On Tue, 26 Jul 2005 19:18:50 -0400, "TheVicar" <[email protected]>
in news message <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>"Liz" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>news:[email protected]...
>> On Tue, 26 Jul 2005 13:55:28 -0600, "Richard" <[email protected]> in
>> news message <[email protected]> wrote:
>>
>>>
>>>"Liz" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>>>news:[email protected]...
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> One evil, I presume that you are referring to is staying in the
>>>> marrriage. LOL
>>>>
>>>> But, no you are wrong. Divorce can be the a good thing. In fact, it
>>>> can be the best thing that happens to a marriage in some circumstances.
>>>> And I can avoid insulting you when I disagree with you.
>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Divorce is a good thing in the same way that amputating a leg is a good
>>>thing. It is good that the patient lived, but other outcomes would have
>>>been a lot better. All things considered, most people don't consider an
>>>amputation to be a real positive event.
>>
>> Do you remember the climber who cut off his own arm.
>>
>> http://outside.away.com/outside/features/200308/200308_hardway_200308_1.html
>>
>> He sawed through the soft tissue between the broken bones and
>> amputated his hand.
>>
>> "All the desires, joys, and euphorias of a future life came rushing
>> into me," Ralston stated at the press conference. "Maybe this is how I
>> handled the pain. I was so happy to be taking action."
>>
>> ~~ end excerpt
>>
>>
>> But that aside, I know two women whose divorces was certainly a good
>> thing. They chose unwisely when they married. One married a man who
>> started seeing other women within two weeks of their marriage, and
>> another married a man who was lazy, profligate, and a spendthrift,
>> which were among his good traits. Divorces in both of these short
>> lived marriages were very good. There wasn't one thing that either of
>> these women regretted about their divorces because the marriages were
>> truly regrettable. The divorce prevented a future lifetime of
>> horrible unhappiness. Both women went on to make good second
>> marriages. One of these women has just celebrated her 30th wedding
>> anniversary; the other has been happily married for 10 years. Without
>> leaving their first horrid marriages, they would have never found the
>> loves of their lives.
>>
>>
>> You may not believe that divorce can be a good thing, but your biases
>> notwithstanding, there are cases where it is.
>
>i believe you're all purposely missing the poster's point...either that or
>you're all incredibly obtuse.
I'm not obtuse. I'm just expressing my viewpoint. I think that
staying together "no matter what" may not be an optimal solution.
>when people get married they expect to stay
>married. it often happens that divorce is the only reasonable thing that can
>happen in order for them to be happy. that's a state though. wouldnt they
>rather be able to be happy AND married?
In an ideal world, everyone would make perfect choices. I'm dealing
with the real world, not with the way one would want the world to be.
Sometimes being happy *and married is not a real world choice.
> i would hope they at least tried to
>go that route before they decided that there was no recourse but divorce. a
>divorce is a failed marriage. how else can one look at it? it doesnt matter
>who failed, the cheating husband, lazy husband, frigid wife, cheating wife,
>etc).
Worse is a failed marriage that does not end in divorce.
>Now of course i'm sure i will be slammed for my pedestrian view that people
>marry with the idea that it will be for life. call me a crazy idealist.
Yes, you are an idealist, and while most people do go into marriage
with the idea that it is for life . . . sometimes life intervenes. At
that point, one has to deal with the reality of the situation in which
one finds oneself, and if one finds oneself in a bad marriage, no
amount of idealism can turn a pig's ear into a silk purse. Of course,
a couple can ignore reality and stay together for whatever excuse they
wants to tell themselves, but it isn't happy nor is it good.
>
>personally, i divorced my first wife because she couldnt run a 6 minute
>mile...unless she was in bed with one of my friends.
>
Sounds like your divorce was a good thing.
Do you feel that
your divorce was a life enhancing decision?
Liz #658 BAAWA
They all agree on what their god wants. Each theist will tell you
that what the only true god wants, and what he, himself, wants, are
exactly the same. -- Al Klein
in news message <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>"Liz" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>news:[email protected]...
>> On Tue, 26 Jul 2005 13:55:28 -0600, "Richard" <[email protected]> in
>> news message <[email protected]> wrote:
>>
>>>
>>>"Liz" <[email protected]> wrote in message
>>>news:[email protected]...
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> One evil, I presume that you are referring to is staying in the
>>>> marrriage. LOL
>>>>
>>>> But, no you are wrong. Divorce can be the a good thing. In fact, it
>>>> can be the best thing that happens to a marriage in some circumstances.
>>>> And I can avoid insulting you when I disagree with you.
>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Divorce is a good thing in the same way that amputating a leg is a good
>>>thing. It is good that the patient lived, but other outcomes would have
>>>been a lot better. All things considered, most people don't consider an
>>>amputation to be a real positive event.
>>
>> Do you remember the climber who cut off his own arm.
>>
>> http://outside.away.com/outside/features/200308/200308_hardway_200308_1.html
>>
>> He sawed through the soft tissue between the broken bones and
>> amputated his hand.
>>
>> "All the desires, joys, and euphorias of a future life came rushing
>> into me," Ralston stated at the press conference. "Maybe this is how I
>> handled the pain. I was so happy to be taking action."
>>
>> ~~ end excerpt
>>
>>
>> But that aside, I know two women whose divorces was certainly a good
>> thing. They chose unwisely when they married. One married a man who
>> started seeing other women within two weeks of their marriage, and
>> another married a man who was lazy, profligate, and a spendthrift,
>> which were among his good traits. Divorces in both of these short
>> lived marriages were very good. There wasn't one thing that either of
>> these women regretted about their divorces because the marriages were
>> truly regrettable. The divorce prevented a future lifetime of
>> horrible unhappiness. Both women went on to make good second
>> marriages. One of these women has just celebrated her 30th wedding
>> anniversary; the other has been happily married for 10 years. Without
>> leaving their first horrid marriages, they would have never found the
>> loves of their lives.
>>
>>
>> You may not believe that divorce can be a good thing, but your biases
>> notwithstanding, there are cases where it is.
>
>i believe you're all purposely missing the poster's point...either that or
>you're all incredibly obtuse.
I'm not obtuse. I'm just expressing my viewpoint. I think that
staying together "no matter what" may not be an optimal solution.
>when people get married they expect to stay
>married. it often happens that divorce is the only reasonable thing that can
>happen in order for them to be happy. that's a state though. wouldnt they
>rather be able to be happy AND married?
In an ideal world, everyone would make perfect choices. I'm dealing
with the real world, not with the way one would want the world to be.
Sometimes being happy *and married is not a real world choice.
> i would hope they at least tried to
>go that route before they decided that there was no recourse but divorce. a
>divorce is a failed marriage. how else can one look at it? it doesnt matter
>who failed, the cheating husband, lazy husband, frigid wife, cheating wife,
>etc).
Worse is a failed marriage that does not end in divorce.
>Now of course i'm sure i will be slammed for my pedestrian view that people
>marry with the idea that it will be for life. call me a crazy idealist.
Yes, you are an idealist, and while most people do go into marriage
with the idea that it is for life . . . sometimes life intervenes. At
that point, one has to deal with the reality of the situation in which
one finds oneself, and if one finds oneself in a bad marriage, no
amount of idealism can turn a pig's ear into a silk purse. Of course,
a couple can ignore reality and stay together for whatever excuse they
wants to tell themselves, but it isn't happy nor is it good.
>
>personally, i divorced my first wife because she couldnt run a 6 minute
>mile...unless she was in bed with one of my friends.
>
Sounds like your divorce was a good thing.
Do you feel thatyour divorce was a life enhancing decision?
Liz #658 BAAWA
They all agree on what their god wants. Each theist will tell you
that what the only true god wants, and what he, himself, wants, are
exactly the same. -- Al Klein