Management Bulls*it

Discussion in 'Your Bloody Soap Box' started by MountainPro, Aug 30, 2006.

  1. MountainPro

    MountainPro New Member

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    Every couple of weeks my email inbox is graced by a 'Statement from the SMT' from the company i work for.

    SMT = Senior Management Team

    These are usually several pages of bullshit.

    Stuff like:

    "This assistance will ensure that we will have the robust platforms and infrastructure necessary to provide operational benefits and clarity across all Companies activities."

    Are there special training courses that people go on so that they can talk drivel that sounds important but doesnt really mean anything?

    Anyone else get this stuff and is baffled?
     
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  2. HowardSteele

    HowardSteele New Member

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    This assistance will ensure that we will have the robust platforms and infrastructure necessary to provide operational benefits and clarity across all Companies activities."


    Wow !you obvioslly have a very important job,if i got an email like that it could only mean i sent it to myself, as i'm self employed:rolleyes: that could be quite worring!
    Does this statement mean they have provided you with a new office chair,with a built in network update on the office scandle?:D
     
  3. MountainPro

    MountainPro New Member

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    Just checked with a few collegues....and the jury is still out on this one, but the main theory is that it means, "This money will make things better"...
     
  4. Eldron

    Eldron New Member

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    "assistance" means they're borrowing a lot of money

    "robust platforms and infrastructure" means they're about to spend it all on IT software

    "operational benefits and clarity" means they don't really understand what the IT software does but it's a term the sales guy used

    "company activities" means they will be playing golf while you try and sort out the problems they bought/caused

    Easy!
     
  5. MountainPro

    MountainPro New Member

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    good one,

    borrowing lots of money (or in this case a govt grant) makes me worry that the companies profits were not as high as forcast last year...

    probably due to unforseen macro ecomonic and demographic forces....(people do not want the product)
     
  6. nns1400

    nns1400 New Member

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    Have you ever seen the movie Office Space? If not go get it and you will be rolling on the floor. :) I think you will relate...
     
  7. MountainPro

    MountainPro New Member

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    cheers mate, i'll have a look for it...
     
  8. EoinC

    EoinC New Member

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    MP - Just the normal crap propogated by self-appointed 'experts' who have no constructive skills to offer, other than consumate arse-covering.
    In my own case, I have watched the core business of our company change, over the last 5 years, into a self-sustaining breeding ground for IT 'experts' and auditors, who have both parasitically smothered us. I seem to spend more time trying to get the IT'ers to make their useless, excessively paranoid and nonsensical network function, and responding to the continuosly changing demands of auditors as they redefine responsibility of everyone except themselves, than I do carrying out my actual job.
    Ignore them, MP, they have dined excessively on the fruit of self-importance, and have no interest in functionality, or any other ingredient tainted with reality.
     
  9. MountainPro

    MountainPro New Member

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    the people i work for are wankers....i hate my job with a passion

    i have applied for a few jobs lately and with hope i will be working for a different company soon...

    thing is, i have some real information that can bring down the current operation...dodgey deals, bad working practice, terrible health and safety breaches, corrupt dealings with local authorities and general management incompetencies.

    i lead a pretty influencial website in my area where i can blow the whistle on the lot of the bastards...

    i am thinking of sinking the ship...2000+ employees.

    the stuff i have on these guys will shock the shit out of anyone....they let me in and fucked me over....they will pay.
     
  10. nns1400

    nns1400 New Member

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    What about the 2000+ employees?
     
  11. MountainPro

    MountainPro New Member

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    its best for them in the long run.....they are mostly good people..

    i am the proverbial man that knew too much...
     
  12. stevebaby

    stevebaby New Member

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    Call them "Collateral Damage" and that will make everything OK.
     
  13. davidmc

    davidmc New Member

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    Yes. that corporo-speak sounds like it would've dove-tailed into that movie nicely. I also rank that movie very highly.
     
  14. davidmc

    davidmc New Member

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    It might mean that they are subcontracting/renting these services (wasting money). I feel for you man. Hang in there :(
     
  15. Bro Deal

    Bro Deal New Member

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    Sounds like you desperately need some buzzword bingo cards. Go to this website http://isd.usc.edu/~karl/Bingo/ It generates a different card everytime time it is loaded. Print a bunch up and pass them out to friends at meetings.
     
  16. ellno#1

    ellno#1 New Member

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  17. MountainPro

    MountainPro New Member

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  18. rule62

    rule62 New Member

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    Enjoy your work.
     
  19. EoinC

    EoinC New Member

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    Looking forward to the new one, MP? I think you'll find it a lot more challenging. May even see you down here sometime.
     
  20. MountainPro

    MountainPro New Member

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    Cheers rule62, i intend to.

    Yes, the job is a lot more challenging but at the moment we are concentrating on selling our house and buying a new one 200 miles away in Aberdeen.

    There is international training opertunities available all the time and i am sure that i'll be down your neighbourhood at some point.

    Can't wait....
     
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