Massacre of the English language

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Sillyoldtwit, May 26, 2010.

  1. Sillyoldtwit

    Sillyoldtwit New Member

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    Now you know how to protect your computer - I think.:confused:

    Guardianship of both lone PCs and corporate local space network as a entire from miscellaneous internal and exotic ugroz.Mnogoletnee continuously "communication" with viruses, spyware and other digital selfish spirits can more or less objectively figure out the effectiveness of remedies (Like note that the assessment originator of the article antivirus from a to z based on in the tissue event and may several from predominantly accepted!). What motivates PC users the cream of programs? As a sway, incident: or their, or someone else. Every purchaser - their passions, their "gentlemanly" set softa.Antivirusy - these are the unvarying program, but the program is irrevocably substantial because they clinch whether we responsibility on your PC justified and influential, last wishes as shelter the coherence and protected keeping of the most valuable - our information.
     


  2. Sillyoldtwit

    Sillyoldtwit New Member

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    This was all a guy from Mexico posted.

    guitar hero on tour controller prayer of the refugee guitar chords guitar fender acoustic

    I couldn't agree more - I think.:confused:
     
  3. Sillyoldtwit

    Sillyoldtwit New Member

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    Anyone fancy a quick puff? Don't know what Obama and Laura Bush have got to do with this post. I don't understand the things I've highlighted in red, in fact to be truthful I don't understand any of it.:D


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  4. Sillyoldtwit

    Sillyoldtwit New Member

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    Now here's an offer you can't possibly refuse.:rolleyes:


    Our business creates a occupation card on the underpinning of unexcelled and radiant projects.
    These projects are carried revealed by the cards the first mace of unmistakable artists and designers in the buy who are experts in every gist of the word.

    Ah yes, the first mace - you can’t beat it, and designers in the buy. Wow!

    They are also extraordinarily flexible, so you can complete very interesting trade easter card designs, depending on the separate needs of each client.
    We do not own a professional printing machines undertaking the highest distinction of each individual card.
    Deviating selection of archives allows you to upon the expectations of parallel with the most tough customers from every conceivable industry.
    That’s useful - having the expectations of parallel, especially with tough customers.
    We guarantee the wording and amenities of portly quantities of vocation Portly quantities? Ah, you mean fat lots.
    cards in the shortest credible time. In our case, the highest grandeur is the payment of the proposed value and trusty amenities from people receiving and carrying into public notice an decree for obligation cards. The highest grandeur is very reassuring, and also receiving and carrying into public notice. What will they think of next?
    With access to the services offered through our website, you can with dispatch and without undue formalities mission an sect object of goods, over again the concoct and approved it and ordered some job cards. Mission and sect objects and the concoct??:confused:
    On our theatre troupe as a righteous business card is oft a guarantee after success. How did the theatre troupe get into this?
    Greet Greet to you too
     
  5. Sillyoldtwit

    Sillyoldtwit New Member

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    If anyone has anymore "Wonderful English", please feel free to post it here. Keeps things ticking over while we wait for good jokes to be posted. Tyson ;)
    Actually, the best joke at the moment is my FTP - it's a scream in fact.
     
  6. kdelong

    kdelong Well-Known Member

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    This was found on a Japanese manufactured industrial laser in the US:
    When the abnormal spatter is generated, be sure to stop the processing immediately to avoid the grave accident. And after adjusting the processing conditions and the likes again, be sure to resume the processing.

    I really shouldn't laugh though, their English is better than my non-existent grasp of Japanese. Sayonara!
     
  7. Sillyoldtwit

    Sillyoldtwit New Member

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    Be careful, things might get a bit sticky with this guy.:D


    Hey Friends,

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  8. Sillyoldtwit

    Sillyoldtwit New Member

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    I suppose you could have a right-minded shoplift - not quite sure of the philosophical basis though. :)

    Hi People,

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  9. StomachOfAnger

    StomachOfAnger New Member

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    Andy Schleck's quote from Monday's TdF "chaingate" wasn't quite a massacre of the English language, but it sure made for an awesome t-shirt:
    My Stomach Is Full of Anger
     
  10. Sillyoldtwit

    Sillyoldtwit New Member

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    If anyone can speak Chinese English please translate the following intriguing story.

    Gold Report (Reporter Shangshu Li Ting Yiping Ma Jiali intern) from Guangdong Lufeng 19-year-old working girl Lin Beixin did not expect that he will one day become a wanted criminal.(Is Lin a male or female - I'm confused) In the July 16 evening, her fellow Internet ID lent a result, the villagers were taken away by police in Guangzhou until she went to the police station, \Police looking for theft gang \Is she really guilty of this? (Why were the villagers taken away?) Or are there something wrong? Yesterday afternoon, the reporter phoned for this Yiwu Public Security Bureau of Guangdong Lin Beixin opened behind the story.
    things from: Guangdong working girl suddenly became a \internet café, because under 18 years of age, they borrowed Lin Beixin identity. In the online process, Ting-ting away police were inspected.
    (So without warning the working girl/boy became an internet cafe - yes? I suppose as it says, and you obviously know, she/he was 18 and everyone upon reaching 18 in Guangdong becomes an internet cafe)
    beginning, Tingting that only a small thing, (reminds me of "My Dingaling" song) is due to fraudulent use of her own ID card to be seen through, (a transparent ID card no doubt) and can be up to police has invited Lin Beixin. Tingting was found that the original non-things as simple as police said Lin Beixin is \
    original, September 11, 2008, Yiwu has uncovered a theft ring, when 11 people were arrested, but unfortunately the gang leader managed to escape, despite the leaders escaped, but left some clues . Among them, a leader of the ID card, together with his associates later confessed, the police chief confirmed that Lin Beixin identity
    . (Tingting, non-things, theft ring -my ears are beginning to ring!) (If anyone understands the next 2 or 3 paragraphs, - good on ya)
    this connection, the Guangdong police, \words: \Yiwu possible to steal? \
    few days later, Lin Beixin home took out some written materials that Lin's \to December 31, 2008 Meanwhile, Lin Beixin has been working in Guangzhou.
    and then as manager of the forest basin Linbei Xin Sheng, also had an interview with the media confirmed that Lin Beixin first Zhongshan San Road in the company's warehouse was not long before he was transferred to the responsible shahedian work, during which in addition to the Spring Festival holidays, which has been out of the Guangzhou. Lin Sheng-basin so that, in September 2008, due to the shortage of shops, Lin Beixin overtime, can not possible have time to go to Zhejiang committed a crime, then returned to Guangzhou to work.
    something wrong: \While Lin's family members are physically and mentally exhausted, someone suddenly remembered something.
    in the end of August 2007, Lin had been placed identity cards in the pack were stolen, because the forest was more busy work, and did not return home to re-submit ID card, ID card just to run the first time photo return home, their father took to re-submit. The thought of Lin's family began to wonder, is not the forest identity theft by others, and also took the opportunity to frame, so that forest 承受不白之冤.
    The reporter learned that Lin Beixin domicile Lu Fengying North police station, but also gives the relevant proof that the September 9, 2007, Lin Beixin Zengyin identity lost in the applied go through.
    (not quite sure where the ID was lost, but somewhere in the go through)
    Yiwu Police: Once the immediate lifting of coercive measures to exclude suspects

    noon yesterday, a reporter called Yiwu Public Security Bureau, told reporters: \Police rushed to Guangdong has been sent to investigate handling and will give a reply. \on July 17 the police informed the Yiwu, Yiwu, Guangdong police received a briefing after the police immediately sent investigators to the case conducted a comprehensive inspection, as a precautionary measure, but also on the forest to change the mandatory measures, and their lives made proper arrangements for accommodation and so on. At present, Lin Beixin I am Yiwu police work done by legal proceedings that understanding. \relatives of communication and contact, if they are excluded Lin Beixin of criminal suspects, the police will be the first time according to the law enforcement measures to lift her, and make proper follow-up work related.
    (so the first time police are going to lift her - onto what?)

    I think by the end of this story we can accept that Lin is a girl although she had a sex change a couple of times in this story :D
     
  11. Sillyoldtwit

    Sillyoldtwit New Member

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    And another classic heart-rendering story from China.

    And Songs and his ancient coin.
    father suffering from uremia, but also a car crash (that's tough luck)

    Shunde Ronggui working students like to \failed to return home, choose a rear company, (what do they produce there I wonder?) working up to 28 years, beginning six great start work, (yeah, 6 is a great time to start work if that's what turns you on) I work hard around 2,500 yuan a month to receive the wages, the basic life-saving all sent home a few months down their severe malnutrition, in the April 27, May 5, May 25, I collapsed at work there, coma, shock, dyspnea, a second was sent to the new Rongqi hospital. \
    despite working hard and Songs, but cruel: He was fired. (Let's get this straight - you collapsed at work, but Songs was fired -yes?) Despair, he decided to house a century Tibetan coin \/ p> ( I suppose it's easier than housing a Tibetan refugee - a coin doesn't need feeding and doesn't take up so much room)
    text / Chart reporter Zeng Yi

    unfortunate: his father in a car accident there uremia (What again?)

    last December, and Songs of the father in (I'm getting confused here. Are we talking about the father's songs or Songs father?) my hometown in Henan farm work home knocked down by a motorcycle, was taken to the county hospital overnight. Hospital diagnosis is: father and Songs, left foot fracture, fracture of right thigh separation, right shoulder and moderate abrasion.
    are working in and Songs Shunde Ronggui return home immediately, (Hold on a minute - are you saying bother father and Songs had all the above bad luck?) but in the hospital was informed that the other bad news, long years of labor and to conceal the truth, hard for the three-year post-secondary school reading and Songs father, had been suffering from on chronic nephritis (ie, uremia), the condition to a moderate period. \Filial Piety: remaining 100 on living expenses

    Despite their harsh blow, but still have not lost confidence and Songs, he immediately returned to Shunde, began working crazy trip, (On LSD no doubt) \I can kind of hard to eat. \
    May 27 this year, and Songs with acquaintances to buy tickets set foot on his way home, because the body is too weak, newly hatched site has collapsed. (Hey? What site?) And Songs and her father ( Songs has had a sex change while in hospital then?) were sent to a hospital, June 2 the same situation arise again. Finally, forced feeding and the dual role of drug therapy, he gradually recovered. (Back to a male!)
    \time the case collapsed at work and eventually he was fired. Desperation, he remembered a century-old grandmother to his mother money, \

    reporter and Songs for help received, the first time linked the majority of Vice-Chairman of Pan Jisheng collectors. After the initial identification of Mr. Ban and Songs of the Late Qing Dynasty held three coins are genuine, but the Pan Jisheng also expressed regret: \The arrangement and help this good boy. \
    :confused::confused::confused:
     
  12. Sillyoldtwit

    Sillyoldtwit New Member

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    Now here's a plumber who in his profile gives his location as California. I bet you didn't know that Florida is in California, in fact a lot of states are. Anyway read on.:)

    I am altogether new on the boat, but glad that I did finally join such impressive location.(on a boat? :confused:) I'm really a plumber in Florida A lot of states and I just not long ago began Plumbers in San Diego (San Diego in Florida that is:rolleyes:) operating for a brand new looking at corporation. (Ah, so he's not really a plumber - he's in the 'looking at' business.) We've not long ago been instruction to end up being 1 for the prime plumbers in san diego. I've seriously be utilizing lots on the info that you choose to uncover on boards San Diego Plumbing so that you can ultimately acquire the understanding I really need to end up the best quality achievable local plumber or plumbing organisation. A great number of instances you'll find corporations on the market that can just take your income and not supply a decent service. I hate it when this occurs because it offers me a negative name when I attempt and tell them I am an trustworthy local plumber. ( a good old all American plumber with a degree in English Grammar)

    Listed here are some points for discovering a wonderful plumbing service and also some questions San Diego Plumber for you to may possibly just want to find out them at the same time. This can help in getting the optimal local plumber to suit your needs true circumstance. (So true, so true!) Primary inquire them how a number of years they've been a plumber and are they licensed to accomplish the role. Plenty within the plumbers you find out contained in the yellow pages or classified ads are not genuine licensed, bonded and insured plumbing contractors. If you ever employ they families (so you employ a plumber and his family are included in the deal) you take a tremendous chance San Diego Plumbing Company since they could very well not do the work according for the county code and it could turn out costing you quite a bit significantly more profit at the lengthy work which will essentially suck. (costing you more profit - that's a new one)

    The subsequent factor that you'll want to ask them is how lengthy the profession is planning to take on to carry out. (If I knew what you meant, I would definitely ask them :confused:)You tend not to just want to overpay for their services so once you learn how most hours it is going to consider then you could be able to ascertain their hourly rate. I definitely like to discuss the prices up front to ensure that I do not get stuck spending plenty of finances. Countless occasions I see plumbers getting older folk on the cleaners when it comes time for your bill. (Well, that's a novel way of saying 'take to the cleaners' )It is the wrong solution to do enterprise and for XXX Plumbing many people it's going to ultimately catch as much as them on the extensive run.
    (extensive run = marathon I take it - not quite sure what catching people in a marathon has to do with plumbing, but there you go)

    If anyone would like to contact this guy to do some plumbing for them, PM me.:rolleyes: Tyson
     
  13. Major94

    Major94 New Member

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    Im not wanting to start any drama but, At least these people are trying to learn english. Unlike the people we share our country with, who have no desire to learn it. Because of this the japaneese people are better in my eyes.

    My $0.02

    edit: how are they gonna get better if they dont practice?
     
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