Modern "Relaxed" Guidelines for Good Health for the Obese -- (:-)

Discussion in 'Food and nutrition' started by jbuch, Jan 15, 2006.

  1. jbuch

    jbuch Guest

    Happy New Year

    As we start to think about New Year resolutions, this is pretty
    handy guide!!


    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is
    this true?

    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...
    don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.
    Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like
    saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it
    faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
    and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is
    nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to
    your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of
    field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop gives you 100%
    of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled
    wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit
    so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out
    of grain. Bottoms up!

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio
    is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
    exercise program?

    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in
    vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting
    more vegetables be bad for you?

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around
    the middle?

    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
    You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!!
    It's the best feel-good food around!

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

    A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have
    had about food and diets.

    And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
    intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
    but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in
    the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming
    "WOO HOO, What a Ride!

    1) Eat Till SATISFIED, Not STUFFED... Atkins repeated 9 times in the book
    2) Exercise: It's Non-Negotiable..... Chapter 22 title, Atkins book
    3) Don't Diet Without Supplimental Nutrients... Chapter 23 title, Atkins
    4) A sensible eating plan, and follow it. (Atkins, Self Made or Other)