momma's, don't let your babys grow up to be cowboys

[roadhouse]

So a lady pregnant with triplets goes to the corner store for some ice cream, and while she's in the store it happens to get robbed. She gets held at gunpoint then shot in the stomach 3 times. 911 is called and ambulances are there instantly. She's rushed to the hospital and given an emergency "c" section. Each baby had been shot in the stomach, luckly all 3 babies get saved, 2 girls and 1 boy. 13 yrs later one girl comes to her mother and say "hey mom i just used the restroom and pee'd out a bullet?!!" Her mother explains to the story and the girl walks about. The same day the mothers sitting doing bills only to be interupted by the second daughter. The daughter says "MOOOOM i just ****** out a bullet!! WTF?!" Mom is irritated by the rude interuption and tells the daughter real fast, and sends the daughter off no questions... The same day, mom still doing bills, the son runs down the stairs and across the house to his mom butt ass naked screaming! The boy shouts " MOM!, guess what just happened to me!!" The mom is ******, between bills and the other daugter, she screams at the son, " I KNOW I KNOW! you went pee and a bullet came out!!" the boy replies,

"No, i was jackin off and shot the dog!!"

 

[Kevins745i]

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"